Aries – The job of every Aries is to discover who he or she is. There are many ways in which they can accomplish this: owning stuff, doing stuff, trying stuff - emulating a role model. Stuff isn’t who you are so forget about that. And you may not have a real-life role model but I’ll bet you have one in your head. Now, sans stuff and avec role model who are you? Like it? Excellent. Don’t like it? Fix it.
Taurus – There are acrobats, clowns and circus performers who can balance towering stacks of delicate and oddly shaped objects on their noses and chins! Ever watch a performance where they dropped anything? But you would think that at some point in their careers, they would have had to drop something. You don’t achieve excellence without practice, and practice means making mistakes. If you don’t do something wrong how can you tell when it’s right?
Gemini – Are you familiar with the expression ‘talk to the hand’? Try it this week – talk to your own hands. And while you’re talking to them, really take the time to look at them closely. Are they impeccably groomed? Does the right hand know what the left one’s been doing? Have you forgotten how beautiful and talented they are? Take your hands on a date – play piano, finger-paint, have a manicure, or even better, play in the mud and get them dirty.
Cancer - Fame is a lonely place. Famous people (FPs) feel they are constantly being scrutinised, criticised and compartmentalised. It’s all so superficial but FPs can’t risk letting anyone close enough to actually see them. FPs have dozens of hangers-on but who are their friends? It’s a bit like raging paranoia, wearing disguises to show people what they want to see. An FPs life is one never-ending red carpet. The good news for you this week is that you’re not an FP.
Leo – You are the Elvis of the zodiac. Everyone says they’ve seen a Leo, but none of these sightings can be verified. There was a woman in Schenectady who saw you at Burger King (as if); a Tibetan monk remembers sitting zazen with you (more likely); and a gorilla using sign language claims to have discussed Kierkegaard, Dylan and the designated hitter rule with you (oh come on). All are fantasy: all are true. You have become an urban legend. How does that feel?
Virgo – Your long repressed fear of public speaking is about to erupt as you stand before the world and tell them that things need to change or else. Public speaking? You meant to tell only a few people. Yep, but there’s an echo in here and a lot of cross talk and perhaps a solar flare or two, so if you want to get your message across you’re going to have to speak slowly and clearly. Use small words and be prepared to repeat yourself. Sounds hellish I know but you can do it.
Libra – Have you ever wondered what life would be like if you were able to live at the bottom of a swimming pool? Well wonder no more! For a limited time only, you Libra have the amazing ability to survive on chlorine and fish food. It’s like living in an aquarium with curtains. No gawkers mindlessly staring with their noses pressed against the glass. Of course you do run the risk of having people drop things on you from above but at least that is deliberate.
Scorpio – Sometimes you really take the cake, and this week you have the ability to devour an entire bakery while the rest of the world is busy elsewhere. There’s no need to be sneaky about this, it’s your bakery and you’ve earned it, but you have always enjoyed a little drama, and a little subterfuge just adds spice. If you want to make this experience even more fun, why not create the diversion that distracts everyone, then sit there with icing on your face and deny the whole thing.
Sagittarius – Millions of iPod wearers can’t be wrong, the world is better with music. Whatever is going on around you can be better borne or ignored if you are listening to a personal soundtrack. Every ear-bud-wearing, headphone-sporting commuter in every major metropolis is starring in their own movie. Problems occur when plot-lines get tangled. To avoid getting caught up in someone else’s drama this week, instead of digitized music try creating your sound track out of ambient noise.
Capricorn – There’s a rumour going around that you have been at home, alone, drinking in the dark. Gasp! You are horrified, who has been saying these things about you, and it’s not true! Really....what if they said there was a blackout and the drink was tea? Would that change how you feel? There are different ways to look at everything and there are different ways to look at you. Don’t just go assuming that everyone is staring at your bad side; and yes, you have a bad side, get over it.
Aquarius – Wouldn’t dodge ball be fun if it were a two way game with multiple projectiles? Imagine that you’re in the middle and everyone in the circle has a basketball to throw at you. Now imagine that you have your own missiles to hurl back at the circle. Granted, the game would be more fun if you weren’t blindfolded and armed with nerf. Channel your inner Luke and use the force. There’s only one target you aiming at and you don’t need to see it to hit it.
Pisces – One of the saddest things about the commodification of myth is the way in which our culture has belittled the goddess of the hearth. She died sometime in the 70’s with the advent of those twee kitchen-witch ornaments that littered every home. The result is that many have forgotten how to feed themselves. You have a goddess given duty to don your frilly pink apron and pass on the wisdom of the hearth. The first rule - if you want to make soufflé you have to break a few eggs.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Blogoscopes Week of April 13 to 20, 2009
Aries - Your horoscope this week is about somebody else; actually everybody else. You have an interesting way of interacting with others, veering between wildly divergent interpersonal styles. As a result, your friends are puzzled, peeved and possibly a bit frightened. Try to recognize the other people in this picture. That should clear things ups a bit.
Taurus - Have you ever noticed that when experiencing powerful emotions, you tend to intellectualize? It's a great strategy for avoiding pointless confrontation and it lends an air of righteousness to the proceedings. Plus, the rational mind has all those facts going for it while emotions just have nebulous feelings. A creative outlet will help you manage both.
Gemini - Your brain is full. Time for some routine maintenance while you ditch the contents of your mental recycle bin. Clean out your inbox; send replies where needed. Tidy up your folders and clean out your cache. Organize your photo files and music collection, run scan disk and a hard drive defrag. Get a good night's sleep. Okay, now you're ready to get things done.
Cancer - If you were Sisyphus, you could push that rock up that hill in record time. And you would make sure that the darn thing stayed put and stopped rolling right back down the hill. Well maybe not the first time, but you would keep at it until you succeeded. You have the strength, confidence and determination to defy the gods and toss that boulder aside. Use this power wisely.
Leo - It is impossible to over-estimate the importance of every decision you make - isn't it? Making one wrong choice could mean, a change in your social status, the ridicule of your peers, higher bank fees- in fact life as you now know it would cease. Sometimes it's difficult to distinguish between drama and paranoia but you should be looking for that line - probably behind you.
Virgo - You may find verbalising your goals is a good idea, but if you have to convince others to go along with you, talking it out to yourself first will help to hone your approach and guarantee success while not boring the pants off of anybody. If that sounds like too much work then re-schedule any human interaction for a day when you might have a clue what you're doing.
Libra - Imagine that you are Queen For A Day (guys play along). You get to be the centre of attention and anything you want you can have, all you have to do is ask for it. If the word 'attention' set off a panic attack, relax; the asking is the important thing here. Tell them how you feel and ask to be left alone. You'll get respect and privacy. Now think Queen For A Week.
Scorpio - There has never been a better time for you to have an out of body experience. Your emotions are threatening to overwhelm you and in an effort to let off some steam you are tempted to indulge in some over the top retail therapy or inappropriate physical encounter. Step back and watch yourself objectively. Do you see what you're doing and why?
Sagittarius - There are definitely many different kinds of truth, but are all truths are equally valid? It's easy to be convinced that your truth is the best truth when it's the only truth you can see. This week you will experience truth from another view point and while it may not change your mind, it should quiet your criticism and increase your patience.
Capricorn - Spiritually you feel a big sneeze coming. Your impulse is to grab a hanky, warn everyone and then turn your face away; all of which is guaranteed to make you loose the urge to sneeze. Next you'll go through ridiculous machinations like staring at bright lights or sniffing pepper. Eventually the sneeze will come when it's most likely to embarrass you.
Aquarius - You've got boundary issues at the moment. There are places where the public has indiscriminately trampled your rose garden. There are other places where you have been the transgressor. It might be worthwhile to determine how much and which parts of your private space you are prepared to share. Draw a smaller "Do Not Enter" space and get comfortable with it.
Pisces - Pill popping has always seemed to me to be a suspiciously easy way of fixing things. Substance abuse should be a much more organic process, allowing you to achieve a level of lucid relaxation rather than becoming anesthetized. We each have to find our own personal balance which is great because not only is the research fun, the results are wonderful.
Taurus - Have you ever noticed that when experiencing powerful emotions, you tend to intellectualize? It's a great strategy for avoiding pointless confrontation and it lends an air of righteousness to the proceedings. Plus, the rational mind has all those facts going for it while emotions just have nebulous feelings. A creative outlet will help you manage both.
Gemini - Your brain is full. Time for some routine maintenance while you ditch the contents of your mental recycle bin. Clean out your inbox; send replies where needed. Tidy up your folders and clean out your cache. Organize your photo files and music collection, run scan disk and a hard drive defrag. Get a good night's sleep. Okay, now you're ready to get things done.
Cancer - If you were Sisyphus, you could push that rock up that hill in record time. And you would make sure that the darn thing stayed put and stopped rolling right back down the hill. Well maybe not the first time, but you would keep at it until you succeeded. You have the strength, confidence and determination to defy the gods and toss that boulder aside. Use this power wisely.
Leo - It is impossible to over-estimate the importance of every decision you make - isn't it? Making one wrong choice could mean, a change in your social status, the ridicule of your peers, higher bank fees- in fact life as you now know it would cease. Sometimes it's difficult to distinguish between drama and paranoia but you should be looking for that line - probably behind you.
Virgo - You may find verbalising your goals is a good idea, but if you have to convince others to go along with you, talking it out to yourself first will help to hone your approach and guarantee success while not boring the pants off of anybody. If that sounds like too much work then re-schedule any human interaction for a day when you might have a clue what you're doing.
Libra - Imagine that you are Queen For A Day (guys play along). You get to be the centre of attention and anything you want you can have, all you have to do is ask for it. If the word 'attention' set off a panic attack, relax; the asking is the important thing here. Tell them how you feel and ask to be left alone. You'll get respect and privacy. Now think Queen For A Week.
Scorpio - There has never been a better time for you to have an out of body experience. Your emotions are threatening to overwhelm you and in an effort to let off some steam you are tempted to indulge in some over the top retail therapy or inappropriate physical encounter. Step back and watch yourself objectively. Do you see what you're doing and why?
Sagittarius - There are definitely many different kinds of truth, but are all truths are equally valid? It's easy to be convinced that your truth is the best truth when it's the only truth you can see. This week you will experience truth from another view point and while it may not change your mind, it should quiet your criticism and increase your patience.
Capricorn - Spiritually you feel a big sneeze coming. Your impulse is to grab a hanky, warn everyone and then turn your face away; all of which is guaranteed to make you loose the urge to sneeze. Next you'll go through ridiculous machinations like staring at bright lights or sniffing pepper. Eventually the sneeze will come when it's most likely to embarrass you.
Aquarius - You've got boundary issues at the moment. There are places where the public has indiscriminately trampled your rose garden. There are other places where you have been the transgressor. It might be worthwhile to determine how much and which parts of your private space you are prepared to share. Draw a smaller "Do Not Enter" space and get comfortable with it.
Pisces - Pill popping has always seemed to me to be a suspiciously easy way of fixing things. Substance abuse should be a much more organic process, allowing you to achieve a level of lucid relaxation rather than becoming anesthetized. We each have to find our own personal balance which is great because not only is the research fun, the results are wonderful.
Saturday, April 04, 2009
Blogoscopes Week of April 6 to 13, 2009
Aries - You are on fire with a new found purpose in life. You have knowledge and insight that you feel a passionate need to share with those less fortunate and so you have decided to shine your light into previously unexplored areas of your world in order to spread the good news. Just a suggestion - don't run away to missionary school, join the circus. It's an old fashioned idea, but there is much that can be communicated with sequins and tutus.
Taurus - You seem to have opened a tour guide company called "Taurus Travel - We'll get you there or else". There's a broad time continuum involved so some of you are packing bags, forwarding mail and gearing up for take off, while the rest of you are seeking cures for jet lag and falling asleep at your desks. For those of you just leaving, relax, you've done this before and you haven't forgotten anything. For those of you just returning, you're cute when you drool.
Gemini - You were multi-tasking in the back of your cab headed west at rush hour when suddenly something shiny caught your eye and as you quickly looked left, you saw a giant, dishing out chocolate ice cream cones while riding a unicycle. You hopped out of the cab - you had to have ice cream - but forgot to pay the cabbie who chased you, shouting for his money until you handed him an ice cream cone. As you took your first taste, music began to play and everyone danced.
Cancer - Ever watched Sumo wrestling? Is it theatre? Is it actual combat? Or, is it perhaps a mixture of both? The outcome may be real but the actual battle is a bit over the top. And who decided that it should be done in diapers? You don't weigh enough to be a Sumo so you better find another fighting style. Don't back down, but it's easier to achieve a win/win situation if you knock off the theatricals.
Leo - You've been in this phase of - let's not say navel gazing, let's call it self reflection - and as you emerge from your meditations you may discover that 'self' is the only touch stone you have; nothing else seems familiar or known to you. Accustomed as you are to your own company you may not immediately realize that you are alone. This will change. Re-entry is always the hardest part; just go slowly and don't get burned by the atmosphere.
Virgo - You are caught on the horns of a dilemma. What to do, what to do? You've got the devil whispering in one ear and your dreams in the other and action seems impossible. Listen closely: first, expose and share secrets - yours and theirs: second, pay very close attention to the details of your expanding future - don't be fooled by false appearances: third and last, let go of old wrongs and injuries - retribution is so last year.
Libra - You're talking into the wrong end of the megaphone. Seriously, you're getting blasted by sound but your replies are getting lost in the air. Which is a shame because what you're saying makes wonderful sense. So do the words coming out of that loudspeaker if only you could hear them properly. Maybe a voice amplifier is not what is needed here. If you can't invent some outside-of-the-box way to hear and be heard, consider buying one.
Scorpio - You have a commendable ability to entertain yourself. You don't seem to require toys, games, books or even the company of others - you just have fun doing whatever it is that you're doing. Good for you....except that right now you might want to take a look around. You're entertaining yourself with a song and dance number while everyone else is trying to watch a movie. Best to continue your musical interlude elsewhere lest you invite unwanted aggression.
Sagittarius - Okay enough about you, let's talk about me for a while, what do I think about you? Well I think we're not really done talking about you yet. You are fascinating and there's is always something interesting going on in your life, but it might be a good idea for you to take a closer look at the impact that wonderful you is having on your environs - including people. Being right is great until it leads to being left.
Capricorn - Psst, come here where no on is listening, now let's talk about that thing on your face. Sure you can say zit - I was going for expression but we can call it a zit. If you smile does the zit magically disappear? When you're relaxing with friends is the zit less noticeable? Is there one part of your life that makes you look like ZitZilla? Now do you believe it's not a zit? Cancel the chemical peel.
Aquarius - We all have different ways of not being alone. Some of us have pets; others belong to clubs; some of us are just sluts. There are just as many ways for an Aquarian to be alone in a crowd, like zoning out, freaking out and walking out. Lovable-Eccentrics 2 Rest-Of-The-World 0. It's time to rack up a few extra lovable points just in case. You know what's expected of you, just do your version of it.
Pisces - The number one secret of successful people is an absolutely unshakable belief in self. The number two secret is that they all know exactly what they have to do in order to get their own way: how much money it will cost, how nice they have to be, how much of their souls/pride they have to sell/swallow. You have the faith, the cost is minimal: no need to pull out the tears - you're in the power position on this one.
Taurus - You seem to have opened a tour guide company called "Taurus Travel - We'll get you there or else". There's a broad time continuum involved so some of you are packing bags, forwarding mail and gearing up for take off, while the rest of you are seeking cures for jet lag and falling asleep at your desks. For those of you just leaving, relax, you've done this before and you haven't forgotten anything. For those of you just returning, you're cute when you drool.
Gemini - You were multi-tasking in the back of your cab headed west at rush hour when suddenly something shiny caught your eye and as you quickly looked left, you saw a giant, dishing out chocolate ice cream cones while riding a unicycle. You hopped out of the cab - you had to have ice cream - but forgot to pay the cabbie who chased you, shouting for his money until you handed him an ice cream cone. As you took your first taste, music began to play and everyone danced.
Cancer - Ever watched Sumo wrestling? Is it theatre? Is it actual combat? Or, is it perhaps a mixture of both? The outcome may be real but the actual battle is a bit over the top. And who decided that it should be done in diapers? You don't weigh enough to be a Sumo so you better find another fighting style. Don't back down, but it's easier to achieve a win/win situation if you knock off the theatricals.
Leo - You've been in this phase of - let's not say navel gazing, let's call it self reflection - and as you emerge from your meditations you may discover that 'self' is the only touch stone you have; nothing else seems familiar or known to you. Accustomed as you are to your own company you may not immediately realize that you are alone. This will change. Re-entry is always the hardest part; just go slowly and don't get burned by the atmosphere.
Virgo - You are caught on the horns of a dilemma. What to do, what to do? You've got the devil whispering in one ear and your dreams in the other and action seems impossible. Listen closely: first, expose and share secrets - yours and theirs: second, pay very close attention to the details of your expanding future - don't be fooled by false appearances: third and last, let go of old wrongs and injuries - retribution is so last year.
Libra - You're talking into the wrong end of the megaphone. Seriously, you're getting blasted by sound but your replies are getting lost in the air. Which is a shame because what you're saying makes wonderful sense. So do the words coming out of that loudspeaker if only you could hear them properly. Maybe a voice amplifier is not what is needed here. If you can't invent some outside-of-the-box way to hear and be heard, consider buying one.
Scorpio - You have a commendable ability to entertain yourself. You don't seem to require toys, games, books or even the company of others - you just have fun doing whatever it is that you're doing. Good for you....except that right now you might want to take a look around. You're entertaining yourself with a song and dance number while everyone else is trying to watch a movie. Best to continue your musical interlude elsewhere lest you invite unwanted aggression.
Sagittarius - Okay enough about you, let's talk about me for a while, what do I think about you? Well I think we're not really done talking about you yet. You are fascinating and there's is always something interesting going on in your life, but it might be a good idea for you to take a closer look at the impact that wonderful you is having on your environs - including people. Being right is great until it leads to being left.
Capricorn - Psst, come here where no on is listening, now let's talk about that thing on your face. Sure you can say zit - I was going for expression but we can call it a zit. If you smile does the zit magically disappear? When you're relaxing with friends is the zit less noticeable? Is there one part of your life that makes you look like ZitZilla? Now do you believe it's not a zit? Cancel the chemical peel.
Aquarius - We all have different ways of not being alone. Some of us have pets; others belong to clubs; some of us are just sluts. There are just as many ways for an Aquarian to be alone in a crowd, like zoning out, freaking out and walking out. Lovable-Eccentrics 2 Rest-Of-The-World 0. It's time to rack up a few extra lovable points just in case. You know what's expected of you, just do your version of it.
Pisces - The number one secret of successful people is an absolutely unshakable belief in self. The number two secret is that they all know exactly what they have to do in order to get their own way: how much money it will cost, how nice they have to be, how much of their souls/pride they have to sell/swallow. You have the faith, the cost is minimal: no need to pull out the tears - you're in the power position on this one.
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