Blogoscopes Week of July 13 to ?????????

Aries - There comes a point in every puppy's life when two things become very clear: "Yes that is my tail, and no, I have no idea what I'll do if I catch that car." In your life, Aries, someone is trying to convince you that it's time to stop chasing ridiculous things. Do not listen to them. The only thing you shouldn't be chasing is their approval.

Taurus - You've been keeping your eye on the ball for ages and Frankie says the time has come for you to relax, don't do it. Seriously, do nothing. Give your brain a break from all that exercise and let it have some junk food. Try it for 24 hours. Every time you find yourself thinking you should do something, sit down - if symptoms persist, lie down.

Gemini - Many hands make light work but too many cooks spoil the broth. So which strategy should you take in the kitchen? Well there is no doubt that you can't do everything by yourself all of the time. Find yourself a good sous chef to pitch in with the prep work, but be clear that your name is on the finished product. See you can have your cake and eat it too.

Cancer - It's frequently true that in order to be fashionable, you must be a tad uncomfortable. That's where fashion and style differ. Fashion causes blisters, chafing, and dents in your bank balance. Style causes admiration and compliments. Put a bandage on that fashion boo-boo and adjust your wardrobe malfunctions before someone says you look fat in those jeans.

Leo - Ground control to Leo - prepare for re-entry. Your journey has taken you to infinity and beyond but now it's time to come back to earth and apply some of what you learned. It's not as easy as it looks. Don't expect everyone to notice your new super-powers - in fact continue to avoid people for a while longer as you decompress. See you in September.

Virgo - Don't be surprised if you look up one day to see your neighbour staring in your living room window, or all of your co-workers hanging over your cubicle. People may follow you on the street. You've been so focused on one thing, that you're practically living in a bubble, unaware of how you appear to the outside world - fascinating is how.

Libra - You are famously all about balance, but what few people fail to realize is how tricky that balance can be to maintain. You may meditate to keep yourself centred and grounded. You may raise deflector shields around all of your perimeters. You would be well advised to start going with the flow because you're about to be shot out of a canon.

Scorpio - People who are now meeting you for the first time may be asking themselves if you're all there. Truth is you're not - a good part of you is still recovering from a spiritual hangover - they're the kind with minimal pain and maximum confusion. Put all non-essential stuff on hold and engage the auto pilot for a while until things become clearer. Doctor's orders!

Sagittarius - Don't touch that dial! Do not adjust your TV set! No you are not entering the Twilight Zone, but you are experiencing a touch of vertigo. What you thought was down becomes up and up is heading down. Plus the whole world appears to be spinning. It's kind of like you're a helium balloon bobbing along above the crowd. As long as you're tied to something you'll be fine.

Capricorn - Decorating programs and home style magazines are always singing the praises of light and bright and airy. The problem is that it makes dust and dirt and grime much more visible. Who cares? Open the curtains, slather on your sunscreen and make sure you have lots of sparkly things on hand. They'll distract from any unsightliness and give you a party look.

Aquarius - Whatever you do, don't smile....oh, oh, no, damn it you smiled. Well what can you say? You don't have any clear idea what it is that you're smiling about; nothing seems to have changed; same shit, different day. Maybe it's the smile that's different. For the time being just remember how existentially unimportant all that shit is and just enjoy the day.

Pisces - I've never juggled - well I've tried but I suck at it - however, I think it must be easier to do when all of the items you're working with have similar weights. Which is why juggling is not a good way to run your life. Not everything can weigh the same as everything else. Whether you excel at the chain saws or tennis balls, make sure you're working within your weight class.

Blogoscopes Week of July 6 to 13, 2009

Aries - You've been called to the Principal's office and it's difficult to say just which way this is going to go. Some creative license with the truth may be called for and there's no doubt that some swagger is big with the fans, but you really know that his is about pigeons roosting.

Taurus - In the game of life you just got handed a get out of jail free card - and yes I know that's a different game. There seems to be some slight confusion in your mind about which board your token is hopping around, but all we become clear when you don't collect your $200.

Gemini - As a private investigator you have to be prepared to follow your prey into some dicey situations. Heads up, your quarry is currently heading straight toward you - what are you going to do? Like Alice down the rabbit hole, your most rewarding course is to go head first after what you want.

Cancer - Oh how nice of you to hold a telethon to raise money for all those poor...wait a minute, what is this for again? Heaven forbid anyone question the purity of your motives, but really, what are you doing and why are you doing it? Will you give it all back when you're done?

Leo - You're not out of the woods yet, but the most immediate danger has passed. It's like an episode of Star Trek, and you've emerged unscathed from doing battle with the Klingon. Their presence looms always on your horizon, but for now enjoy a little comic relief - do the Liberace episode.

Virgo - You're not running away from anything right now, you're answering a calling - okay maybe it's the delivery guy with pizza. You can't avoid what right in front of your face, but for a little while you can lose the sense of impending doom. Just try to be sure you get some veggies on your slice.

Libra - You fell asleep at the party and woke up with the need to talk things out. Unfortunately every one has gone home. They removed your shoes and tucked you in first so there's no doubt they still love you but they're not present to act as sounding boards. Still feel the need to talk? Try sock puppets.

Scorpio - Do you feel as though you have water in your ears? Do the voices coming at you seem to be muffle and far away? Yes, it's annoying isn't it; difficult to make out what your being told and impossible to know what to act on. Give it a week to clear and you'll wish wish it were back.

Sagittarius - All roads lead to Rome and apparently right now all trains of thought lead to you. True, you got some shit going on but I promise you not every bad thing that is going on in the world has a direct impact on you. Stop pretending to carry the weight of the world and just deal with your own shit.

Capricorn - Your week starts off with a lunar eclipse and some one is telling you that your feelings are invalid. Wrong - your feelings are your own; however dark, twisted and weird, you have every right to feel them. Consider making voodoo dolls of your naysayers and plant them where they'll be found.

Aquarius - Break out your dream journal - I know it's been a while but you really do need to start recording these things again. Don't bother re-reading old entries - some of them are less than edifying and you need to make lots of room for the new stuff. This weeks reves are epic!

Pisces - There's a lot expected of you right now and of course it's impossible to do when someone has cut the mains. You know what they say - you can sit in the dark and complain about it or you can light a candle. Try it and you'll discover the "dark" is actually a blind fold.