Aries - Go nowhere without your tunes! You're going to need to be quick on your feet for the next little while and I'm hoping that if you're already dancing you'll have a head start. It will also set a party mood for the coming days.

Taurus - It's time to harvest the love you've been sowing. Actions speak louder than words. The time for talk is past. Make your move - any move. You're breaking through in all directions so you're sure to come out a winner.

Gemini - You may find yourself having to protect your virtue in the coming days. Nothing is free so you knew this would happen eventually. If your answer is truly no then suggest an alternate currency. Or, surprise yourself and say yes.

Cancer - I'm not sure what spooked you but something has you running for deep water. Anticipating a storm perhaps? Prepare yourself - no matter where you go they can find you. Probably some sort of echo locating - try holding your breath.

Leo - It's hard to achieve nirvana when there's a constant ringing in your ears; there's someone chattering in the next room and close by another someone is making lewd suggestions. Oh wait - maybe this is nirvana.

Virgo - There may not be much difference between talking about something and actually doing something. Words are just as apt as actions to make things manifest. It's like getting someone else to do the heavy lifting.

Libra - Can you whistle? Sing, hum or warble because it's the sound of your own voice that will make you realize that you're in a much smaller space. You wouldn't notice otherwise - there's certainly nothing to see.

Scorpio - Your turn! No really, it's not your birthday: it's something even better. Nobody else needs anything from you right now - nobody. What are you gonna do? Can you just look after your self for a bit? Then do that.

Sagittarius - Ostriches do not bury their heads in the sand - they will flatten themselves to the ground to avoid detection or they will run - at up to 45 miles per hour - take a note - they don't do both!

Capricorn - You are not exactly the life of the party this week. In fact you're a bit Banquo's ghost-ish. People don't really mind that you're there, they just want to pretend that you're not. Fuck 'em. Destroy that salad bar.

Aquarius - Stay home! Unless you absolutely have to leave the house don't! OK, you have to earn a living, I get that, but as much as you can just remain in your own domain. You'll thank me for this later.

Pisces - You're getting struck with lightening bolts of creative energy - wahoo! Okay so just don't think about the fact that it all seems to revolve around ways to make oatmeal palatable. Everybody has to start somewhere.

Aries - Some days, no matter how careful you think you are, you will wear your shirt inside out, put pepper in your oatmeal or dip your paintbrush in your pinot noir. It's OK. Everyone expects you to be a little ahead of the game, so just make these gaffes a part of your style.

Taurus - This week you have the opportunity to tell someone that you love them; and by tell I mean use actual words like love and you to express how you are feeling. Odd gifts, adorable impersonations and puppy dog eyes will not cut it. Speak, say talk, tell - and not over the phone!

Gemini - Why is there never a taxi around when you want one? You are headed home from the banquet, staggering under the weight of all the prizes you won - best mambo, best looking, best liked, not to mention the centrepiece from the table. Walk a ways with them and understand exactly what they weigh.

Cancer - Don't know if you smoke, but picture this - you're at the worst family get together you've ever experienced, and you finally find five minutes when you can sneak out back for a cigarette and be totally alone for just a bit. Nicotine or not, you need some down time this week so take it.

Leo - You're usually prepared for something like this, but when the press arrive on your doorstep this week the lights, the noise and the shouting will make you wonder whether you are facing adoring fans or an angry mob. The worst of it is you have no idea why this is happening. Tread carefully.

Virgo - You feel as though you have tin cans and streamers tied to your bumper. Wherever you go you are fighting against the drag of meaningless noise and gratuitous visual stimulation. In the aggregate, these things weigh a ton and they're slowing you down. Leave them behind.

Libra - Walk toward the light Libra, move into the light. No not that light, the fairy lights, the tiki torches, the patio lanterns: the glow you can see on the horizon that indicates a gathering of happy people - that light! Watch where your stepping but don't change direction.

Scorpio - What's the worst part of being a penguin? Is it the unending cold; is it a lifespan that stretches from perilous birth to early death; or would it be the fact that you are never, ever alone for a single moment of your brief existence. Go to your happy place and be glad you're not a penguin.

Sagittarius - This would not be the week for you to consider robbing a bank - you would get caught. You're not a thief, but you should pay closer attention to what you pick up. Pluto looms like an omniscient hall monitor and you will absolutely not be able to get away with lifting even a paper clip.

Capricorn - This week, if someone gave you crayons you would colour outside of all the lines. You would do this very carefully, filling in all the spaces and making sure that you didn't colour inside the lines. Maybe if you coloured more often you wouldn't take it all so seriously.

Aquarius - This is one of those times when astrologers say you have the ability to heal a past hurt. Don't worry about which one, that's neurotic. Be alert for deja vu and realize that three weeks from now you'll look back and say to yourself "oh that's what was happening" - everything in its time.

Pisces - How does all this crime happen in Las Vegas? It's never dark. People who fear the dark love Vegas for this reason. You can stay awake longer and party longer and gamble more and spend more money. You can't sleep in a casino so maybe you should think about heading back to your hotel.

Blogoscopes Week of June 1 to 8, 2009

Aries - No matter how many times you show up with a bruised forehead, no one is going to believe that a wall attacked you. You have been throwing yourself relentlessly at something that will not budge and no amount of spin can make you less culpable. Try saying Abracadabra and then be ready when the wall falls down.

Taurus - We all need to feel attachment to something outside of ourselves, but lately you fear that your well being is negatively impacted by these external forces and that makes them seem more like shackles than connections. The remedy? Jump from your chair, shout Eureka! and head to the nearest party.

Gemini - This week Lady Luck spins her wheel and you find yourself sitting at the top of the world with an infinity of choice laid out before you. Don't get lost in the view, there's an opportunity here that must not be missed. Anything you do now is bound to succeed so take all the chances you want just don't forget to say thanks.

Cancer - Nobody likes a back seat driver. The time will come when your map reading skills will be needed, but for this leg of the road trip you are relegated to watching for service stops and keeping your face out of the rear view mirror. Use this time to hunt for treasure under the seat.

Leo - Sandbox spat or global war, conflict is destined to dwindle into a never ending battle of "aretoo/amnot" and name-calling - unless! What factors are capable of ending the stalemate? One is the crushing of one party by the brute strength of the other. You need to figure out the other one for yourself.

Virgo - Every gardener knows that if you want the fruits and flowers to flourish you have to be vigilant in warding off the weeds and weevils. There is a rich crop in your backyard, and it's sitting ready to be harvested. Only a few more feet of nettles to annihilate and you're there. Sharpen your scythe!

Libra - When you go swimming, what is it that stops you from sinking to the bottom like a stone? It really takes no effort so perhaps it's simply the belief that you're floating that keeps you buoyant. This week you find out whether the same faith can help you dive to the bottom and back up.

Scorpio - Sometimes children believe that if they can't see you then you can't see them. As a survival strategy it sucks, but as a coping mechanism it's definitely got its up side. For the next little while, pretending that what you can't see won't hurt you will allow you to focus on what you need to do.

Sagittarius - You are immaculate in minding personal boundaries, but you can be careless in how you trod on others. You may be confusing the source of your sensitivity and offending when you mean to defend. It's inappropriate to indulge in a crying jag at the office or to work on a spread sheet while making love.

Capricorn - Stop second guessing yourself! The time is ripe for you to step up and do what has to be done. Use the natural authority you possess and it will make others amenable to following you; or you can give in to fear and indecision and waffle about letting everyone walk all over you.

Aquarius - Someone is pouring out their heart to you and the way in which you respond will have a huge impact on your immediate future. You really should be actively listening or you'll find yourself answering the wrong question and offending some one dear to you. This is why people think you're weird.

Pisces - You know better than to ask if your butt looks big in those pants. You've learned from previous experience that prodding a sore tooth is not your best course of action. You don't need to give in on every front, but sometimes biting your tongue is less painful than the alternative.

Blogoscopes Week of May 25 to June 1, 2009

Aries - There is absolutely no point in making all kinds of plans for you and your sweetheart this week. No matter what you do, something will come up at the last minute and force a change every single time. What you end up doing will be better so save yourself the bother, relax and just let summer start to happen.

Taurus - You're planning a surprise for someone special. You've been saving for it and you're just about ready to break the piggy bank. Consider this - someone special will appreciate this even more if you let them contribute. Surprise them with the idea and the split the tab! Now there's a win/win situation if ever I saw one.

Gemini - There is a cheese souffle cooking in your head. You know that souffle is a delicate dish and there's a lot riding on this souffle - which is why you have to stop opening the oven door to check on it every thirty seconds. Leave the souffle alone and step away from the oven. Set a timer and have a nap.

Cancer - Every great blues artist arrives at "the crossroads" at some point in their lives, but usually just once. There should be only one crossroad in life; the rest are just tough choices and little dramas. Don't fret about a decision - this is not your biggie, just a chance for some review and planning.

Leo - It's the conundrum of self-help gurus everywhere - how much do you charge for your services? Too much and no one buys, too little and you feel used. Plus, the whole time, you're asking yourself when they're going to figure it all out for themselves. I'll just say let your conscience be your guide.

Virgo - You're trying to remove one piece of clothing from the closet and suddenly every hanger in there is having a love in. I think they do it on purpose just to get some attention. Hangers are something we own but never think about. Spending just a little time with your hangers this week can prevent an uprising.

Libra - It's important to draw safe boundaries around yourself so that you're protected; however, crime scene tape may be going a bit far. Do you know what a pentagram is? Got any sparklers left over from last weekend? Light the latter, draw the former and don't forget the incense.

Scorpio - You know those people who run marathons and things, do you ever wonder if about half way through they say to themselves "what the f#@* am I doing?" I'm not sure what keeps them going but you better find some of that for yourself - at least until next Monday - that's your current finish line.

Sagittarius - Who says you can't? Do you believe them? Why? Or why not? There might have been a time when you couldn't but not now. Now you have whatever it is you need to do whatever it is you want. Ah there's the catch. What do you want? Maybe that's what 'they' think you can't do.

Capricorn - Practice your poker face - a lot! Seriously you are going to need it because the good times you anticipate are about to get pretty wild. It's safe to say you'll be caught off guard and while startled, surprised, and even a little frightened are all on the expressions menu, smug is not.

Aquarius - Exercise your telekinetic powers in the coming days. That way, when you close your eyes, instead of making wishes for it to all go away, you can be using the power of your mind to remove the obstacles from your path. Whether someone else actually does this while your eyes are closed I can't say.

Pisces - Consider making space in your calendar this week to paint your bathroom electric blue. Interesting things can happen when you mix water and electricity and this is far safe than bathing with your toaster. A coat of paint won't fry you,but it will give your heart a charge all the same.