Grace-o-scopes, aka Blogoscopes week of July 28th to August 4th 2008

Aries - Not everything smells good, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't smell it. Although there are some butts that Grace won't smell, she's always happy to be the smellee. It wouldn't hurt you to start allowing senses other than vision to help determine where you're heading. This week, when taking in the sights, why don't you try taking in the smells, sounds and textures as well.

Taurus - Grace and I discovered a new shared activity outside of walking, eating and tennis balls - Show Tunes! Yup, I sing 'em, she listens. I insert Grace's name a lot. She's fascinated and a little confused by this which is good because now she's hanging on my every word. Next I'm going to try this on humans. Feel free to borrow the idea whenever you feel that someone needs to pay attention.

Gemini - They say that in the dark all cats are gray, but Grace begs to differ. Day or night, there are just some cats that are not worth chasing. Perhaps, along with avocados (see Cancer below) some cats are good for chasing on Thursdays. The criteria that make one cat chase able and another invisible, are known only to Grace, but I'm certain that discretion and moderation are two of them.

Cancer - Grace's Communication Tips - Dogs are proud animals and don't like to beg:really, they don't. However, some humans can't interpret the niceties in a soulful brown eyed stare and realize that Grace didn't mean she won't eat avocados, Grace meant she won't eat avocados on Thursday. In a case like this Grace highly recommends you forget about whining and go straight to barking. People stop listening when they hear whining.

Leo - There comes a time in every dog's life when a dog has to decide whether or not s/he wants, henceforth, to be known as "The Dog Who Ate The Christmas Turkey/Easter Ham/Wednesday's Meatloaf." Do you want to be that dog? If so, you better be certain that's a good Turkey/Ham/Meatloaf, because you can be damn sure that not only do you now have a reputation, you'll never be allowed near a Turkey/Ham/Meatloaf - ever, ever again. Is it worth it?

Virgo - Grace does not like puppies. Grace's friend Buddy does not like puppies. Everyone fusses just because they're new: they chase stupid balls and sticks: and what's worse is they bring them back! You don't really like puppies either - human puppies. Pretend you don't despise them. As Grace can tell you, growling at a puppy just makes everyone think you're bitter and mean.

Libra - Another chocolate lab I know lives next door to me and his name is Grommet. Grommet frequently finds him self sitting on the sidewalk leading to his house. One of his humans is at the door saying come and the other is at the car saying go. Grommet wants Grace's advice. Grace says humans are stupid - don't do anything and just wait to see which one gives up first. Follow who ever is left.

Scorpio - Grace feels sorry for me when I scoop her poo. She pities me because she knows that we are walking through a minefield of un-scooped poo. In fact, in future millenia, a good portion of the earth's crust- in Norht America anyway - will be composed of petrified dog shit. Archaeologists will identify breeds from fossils. A time traveller visits the 90's & accidentally creates the first (insert breed here)-poo. What's one more turd?

Sagittarius - Robert this is for you and yes it is so a happy one - Grace is very fast. Nothing is more important than that she beat you up, or down, the stairs - nothing! It is imperative that she finish any meal she has in under a minute. When she runs through the park she runs fast! She's also asleep for a large part of the day. You can't afford to sleep your days away so stop going so fast. It wears you down.

Capricorn - Sometimes a big sigh is just Grace letting all the air out of her lungs: she's not expressing any kind of sadness or in any way commenting on you. Just breathing, that's all she's doing. Remember what breathing feels like? Try Grace's deep breathing exercise: first take the deepest breath you can: next lie down somewhere soft and warm: proceed to exhale deeply and don't be afraid to be noisy about it. Repeat as needed.

Aquarius - Grace never feels shame. Do you know why? Because she's a dog. Dog's aren't ashamed of themselves; they're ashamed of humans for thinking that a dog will ever be anything but a dog. Follow Grace's lead here. You have behaved in a manner perfectly consistent with who you are. Any one who expected anything different from you is crazy. You are not a bad dog.

Pisces - Grace is a loving and very affectionate dog. She likes to be near the people she loves, especially if no body's really doing anything. Lazing around, that's Grace. It's when you can't see her, and you can't hear her that you have to worry. That's when she's up to something. Grace thinks you should know that not every one appreciates you chewing their shoes.