Aries - You should be listening to Marvin sing "Let's Stay Together". It's going to take some creative housekeeping, because in the next little while you'll be inviting someone else to share your space. How much of it and for how long is entirely up to you. Let Marvin tell you how it's done.
Taurus - You may think that what you're feeling is a bit of buyer's remorse. You could be secretly seeking valid reasons to change your mind. You might even be looking for someone to blame for all of this. This is a sure sign that you have completely lost the ability to enjoy recreational time. Fix that.
Gemini - The seed has been planted and well watered with the blood and sweat of your labour. You now have the promise of a successful harvest and a powerful ability to communicate that brings understanding and assistance from someone who has listened and who has understood.
Cancer - Happy birthday, here's your x-rated horoscope - If you've never done it before, this week you should make love with the lights on. If that's the norm for you then try it in the dark. However it goes, you're moving a key relationship to a new level and learning about yourself in the process.
Leo - This week you narrowly avoid scoring an own-goal. Aiming for something pure and good and noble, you missed and only luck kept you from getting hit by the ricochet. You've probably learned a valuable lesson from this but you should sit in the time-out chair for a while and ponder it.
Virgo - Everyone is staring at you. What did you do? Were you singing too loudly? Talking to yourself? Staring? Did you fart? Whatever the reason, this is not something you can blame on the dog. For good or for ill, the attention you're getting is the attention you deserve.
Libra - You're in an old western. You're the kindly shopkeeper/saloon girl with the heart of gold. You witness the shootout between the handsome sheriff and the mysterious drifter. The sun sparks off the sheriff's shiny gold badge blinding the stranger who shoots you by mistake - with a love dart.
Scorpio - Who doesn't love the playground slide? There's a feeling of free fall as you safely woosh down the slippery surface in the gentle embrace of the curving sides and perfectly angled slope. The scary part is right at the top, just before you go over the edge - like now. Close your eyes and trust.
Sagittarius - When you were a kid did you like to try to sink down to the bottom of the swimming pool and hold your breath to see how long you could stay there? It's difficult to get to the bottom let alone remain that deeply submerged for any length of time. Pop to the surface and inhale.
Capricorn - If you've got any sick days coming to you I highly recommend that you take them. Not that you're sick because you are definitely not, but you are feeling drained of energy and physically depleted. Actually just take one day off and have a really good cry. That'll fix it.
Aquarius - Noise is a very subjective thing. What you find soothing and harmonious others may find discordant and upsetting. The fact that people are now tiptoeing and whispering around you means they are choosing what you hear. This makes you want to scream. Maybe you should.
Pisces - Did you really think that everything would be that easy? Well it still can be, but you are going to have to prove the validity of your ideals not just to the rest of the world but to yourself. Otherwise you might get a tad defensive and we all know what happens then. Relax; have faith.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Blogoscopes Week of June 22 to 29, 2009
Aries - Keep yourself well hydrated and wear clothing made from fire retardent fabrics - or go naked except for your runners. It's quite a gamble this plan of yours and the astrological omens say that you're as likely to go down in flames as up in smoke. You're going to roll the dice anyway; be prepared.
Taurus - The bull is always at his best when harnessed to a workmate of similar mind. Lucky you - the yoke you currently wear feels lighter for the help and it's all a bit mad and romantic and dangerous. But you still have to eat so don't lose sight of the important details, like who's going to pay for the pizza.
Gemini - I blush to think what you might get up to this week - there's an opportunity here for you to ask questions, get answers and learn stuff, but you didn't see it coming and that disturbs you. Something will be offered to you and it's something you never realized you needed - until you saw it.
Cancer - It's your birth season and without giving too much away, let's just say that the universe is throwing you a surprise party. Oops - almost gave away the best part; you know, the part where you don't have to lift a finger but everything gets done anyway? Oops. My bad. Act like you didn't know.
Leo - Do you ever look at those three-D puzzles they print in the colour comic section of the Saturday paper? You kind of have to let you vision go soft before you can really see what's there. You can do the same with the rest of the world but what you'll see is what's not there - suddenly all becomes clear.
Virgo - This week you will meet someone who has consumed one of those dodgy love potions in an effort to attract a certain someone. You may be that someone and you may not, but for sure you'll be one of many attracted to this crazy mojo. That's ok, just be the one who sees through things and calls bullshit.
Libra - You struggle with ways to have others recognize your individuality while you remain low key. In other words, you want the right attention to find you but you don't want to have to attract it. This week you will get your wish when you walk in to a room where they were just talking about you.
Scorpio - Try not to be alone too much right now. Oh sure you're finding people really annoying but you still have the ability to completely tune them out and grunt meaningless responses in appropriate places - until someone calls you on it. A little more attention can avoid a lot more shouting.
Sagittarius - Over the counter medications can have some very strange effects on the human body and on the mind. We all know someone who has taken cold medicine with alcohol and ended up table dancing in church. Keep this in mind for later when you need an excuse for this weeks atrocious behaviour.
Capricorn - Pay attention to the workmen in your garden or you'll find that the water feature you requested becomes an Olympic sized pool. And when I say pay attention, I mean place your lounger in a shady spot with a cool drink close to hand and just kind of admire what's going on .
Aquarius - You really don't feel much like participating in anything and yet others keep approaching you for advice. You can't be bothered giving them any, nor can you be assed to tell them where to get off so you should just ask them to meditate with you - whether they stay or go you'll have some quiet.
Pisces - You don't have to be schizophrenic to have a multiple personality. It's a good time for each of your selfs to dialogue about where you see this life going and what role each of your parts plays in it. Perhaps you can all agree that the self-sabotaging-you should take a bit of a break.
Taurus - The bull is always at his best when harnessed to a workmate of similar mind. Lucky you - the yoke you currently wear feels lighter for the help and it's all a bit mad and romantic and dangerous. But you still have to eat so don't lose sight of the important details, like who's going to pay for the pizza.
Gemini - I blush to think what you might get up to this week - there's an opportunity here for you to ask questions, get answers and learn stuff, but you didn't see it coming and that disturbs you. Something will be offered to you and it's something you never realized you needed - until you saw it.
Cancer - It's your birth season and without giving too much away, let's just say that the universe is throwing you a surprise party. Oops - almost gave away the best part; you know, the part where you don't have to lift a finger but everything gets done anyway? Oops. My bad. Act like you didn't know.
Leo - Do you ever look at those three-D puzzles they print in the colour comic section of the Saturday paper? You kind of have to let you vision go soft before you can really see what's there. You can do the same with the rest of the world but what you'll see is what's not there - suddenly all becomes clear.
Virgo - This week you will meet someone who has consumed one of those dodgy love potions in an effort to attract a certain someone. You may be that someone and you may not, but for sure you'll be one of many attracted to this crazy mojo. That's ok, just be the one who sees through things and calls bullshit.
Libra - You struggle with ways to have others recognize your individuality while you remain low key. In other words, you want the right attention to find you but you don't want to have to attract it. This week you will get your wish when you walk in to a room where they were just talking about you.
Scorpio - Try not to be alone too much right now. Oh sure you're finding people really annoying but you still have the ability to completely tune them out and grunt meaningless responses in appropriate places - until someone calls you on it. A little more attention can avoid a lot more shouting.
Sagittarius - Over the counter medications can have some very strange effects on the human body and on the mind. We all know someone who has taken cold medicine with alcohol and ended up table dancing in church. Keep this in mind for later when you need an excuse for this weeks atrocious behaviour.
Capricorn - Pay attention to the workmen in your garden or you'll find that the water feature you requested becomes an Olympic sized pool. And when I say pay attention, I mean place your lounger in a shady spot with a cool drink close to hand and just kind of admire what's going on .
Aquarius - You really don't feel much like participating in anything and yet others keep approaching you for advice. You can't be bothered giving them any, nor can you be assed to tell them where to get off so you should just ask them to meditate with you - whether they stay or go you'll have some quiet.
Pisces - You don't have to be schizophrenic to have a multiple personality. It's a good time for each of your selfs to dialogue about where you see this life going and what role each of your parts plays in it. Perhaps you can all agree that the self-sabotaging-you should take a bit of a break.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Aries - Go nowhere without your tunes! You're going to need to be quick on your feet for the next little while and I'm hoping that if you're already dancing you'll have a head start. It will also set a party mood for the coming days.
Taurus - It's time to harvest the love you've been sowing. Actions speak louder than words. The time for talk is past. Make your move - any move. You're breaking through in all directions so you're sure to come out a winner.
Gemini - You may find yourself having to protect your virtue in the coming days. Nothing is free so you knew this would happen eventually. If your answer is truly no then suggest an alternate currency. Or, surprise yourself and say yes.
Cancer - I'm not sure what spooked you but something has you running for deep water. Anticipating a storm perhaps? Prepare yourself - no matter where you go they can find you. Probably some sort of echo locating - try holding your breath.
Leo - It's hard to achieve nirvana when there's a constant ringing in your ears; there's someone chattering in the next room and close by another someone is making lewd suggestions. Oh wait - maybe this is nirvana.
Virgo - There may not be much difference between talking about something and actually doing something. Words are just as apt as actions to make things manifest. It's like getting someone else to do the heavy lifting.
Libra - Can you whistle? Sing, hum or warble because it's the sound of your own voice that will make you realize that you're in a much smaller space. You wouldn't notice otherwise - there's certainly nothing to see.
Scorpio - Your turn! No really, it's not your birthday: it's something even better. Nobody else needs anything from you right now - nobody. What are you gonna do? Can you just look after your self for a bit? Then do that.
Sagittarius - Ostriches do not bury their heads in the sand - they will flatten themselves to the ground to avoid detection or they will run - at up to 45 miles per hour - take a note - they don't do both!
Capricorn - You are not exactly the life of the party this week. In fact you're a bit Banquo's ghost-ish. People don't really mind that you're there, they just want to pretend that you're not. Fuck 'em. Destroy that salad bar.
Aquarius - Stay home! Unless you absolutely have to leave the house don't! OK, you have to earn a living, I get that, but as much as you can just remain in your own domain. You'll thank me for this later.
Pisces - You're getting struck with lightening bolts of creative energy - wahoo! Okay so just don't think about the fact that it all seems to revolve around ways to make oatmeal palatable. Everybody has to start somewhere.
Taurus - It's time to harvest the love you've been sowing. Actions speak louder than words. The time for talk is past. Make your move - any move. You're breaking through in all directions so you're sure to come out a winner.
Gemini - You may find yourself having to protect your virtue in the coming days. Nothing is free so you knew this would happen eventually. If your answer is truly no then suggest an alternate currency. Or, surprise yourself and say yes.
Cancer - I'm not sure what spooked you but something has you running for deep water. Anticipating a storm perhaps? Prepare yourself - no matter where you go they can find you. Probably some sort of echo locating - try holding your breath.
Leo - It's hard to achieve nirvana when there's a constant ringing in your ears; there's someone chattering in the next room and close by another someone is making lewd suggestions. Oh wait - maybe this is nirvana.
Virgo - There may not be much difference between talking about something and actually doing something. Words are just as apt as actions to make things manifest. It's like getting someone else to do the heavy lifting.
Libra - Can you whistle? Sing, hum or warble because it's the sound of your own voice that will make you realize that you're in a much smaller space. You wouldn't notice otherwise - there's certainly nothing to see.
Scorpio - Your turn! No really, it's not your birthday: it's something even better. Nobody else needs anything from you right now - nobody. What are you gonna do? Can you just look after your self for a bit? Then do that.
Sagittarius - Ostriches do not bury their heads in the sand - they will flatten themselves to the ground to avoid detection or they will run - at up to 45 miles per hour - take a note - they don't do both!
Capricorn - You are not exactly the life of the party this week. In fact you're a bit Banquo's ghost-ish. People don't really mind that you're there, they just want to pretend that you're not. Fuck 'em. Destroy that salad bar.
Aquarius - Stay home! Unless you absolutely have to leave the house don't! OK, you have to earn a living, I get that, but as much as you can just remain in your own domain. You'll thank me for this later.
Pisces - You're getting struck with lightening bolts of creative energy - wahoo! Okay so just don't think about the fact that it all seems to revolve around ways to make oatmeal palatable. Everybody has to start somewhere.
Sunday, June 07, 2009
Aries - Some days, no matter how careful you think you are, you will wear your shirt inside out, put pepper in your oatmeal or dip your paintbrush in your pinot noir. It's OK. Everyone expects you to be a little ahead of the game, so just make these gaffes a part of your style.
Taurus - This week you have the opportunity to tell someone that you love them; and by tell I mean use actual words like love and you to express how you are feeling. Odd gifts, adorable impersonations and puppy dog eyes will not cut it. Speak, say talk, tell - and not over the phone!
Gemini - Why is there never a taxi around when you want one? You are headed home from the banquet, staggering under the weight of all the prizes you won - best mambo, best looking, best liked, not to mention the centrepiece from the table. Walk a ways with them and understand exactly what they weigh.
Cancer - Don't know if you smoke, but picture this - you're at the worst family get together you've ever experienced, and you finally find five minutes when you can sneak out back for a cigarette and be totally alone for just a bit. Nicotine or not, you need some down time this week so take it.
Leo - You're usually prepared for something like this, but when the press arrive on your doorstep this week the lights, the noise and the shouting will make you wonder whether you are facing adoring fans or an angry mob. The worst of it is you have no idea why this is happening. Tread carefully.
Virgo - You feel as though you have tin cans and streamers tied to your bumper. Wherever you go you are fighting against the drag of meaningless noise and gratuitous visual stimulation. In the aggregate, these things weigh a ton and they're slowing you down. Leave them behind.
Libra - Walk toward the light Libra, move into the light. No not that light, the fairy lights, the tiki torches, the patio lanterns: the glow you can see on the horizon that indicates a gathering of happy people - that light! Watch where your stepping but don't change direction.
Scorpio - What's the worst part of being a penguin? Is it the unending cold; is it a lifespan that stretches from perilous birth to early death; or would it be the fact that you are never, ever alone for a single moment of your brief existence. Go to your happy place and be glad you're not a penguin.
Sagittarius - This would not be the week for you to consider robbing a bank - you would get caught. You're not a thief, but you should pay closer attention to what you pick up. Pluto looms like an omniscient hall monitor and you will absolutely not be able to get away with lifting even a paper clip.
Capricorn - This week, if someone gave you crayons you would colour outside of all the lines. You would do this very carefully, filling in all the spaces and making sure that you didn't colour inside the lines. Maybe if you coloured more often you wouldn't take it all so seriously.
Aquarius - This is one of those times when astrologers say you have the ability to heal a past hurt. Don't worry about which one, that's neurotic. Be alert for deja vu and realize that three weeks from now you'll look back and say to yourself "oh that's what was happening" - everything in its time.
Pisces - How does all this crime happen in Las Vegas? It's never dark. People who fear the dark love Vegas for this reason. You can stay awake longer and party longer and gamble more and spend more money. You can't sleep in a casino so maybe you should think about heading back to your hotel.
Taurus - This week you have the opportunity to tell someone that you love them; and by tell I mean use actual words like love and you to express how you are feeling. Odd gifts, adorable impersonations and puppy dog eyes will not cut it. Speak, say talk, tell - and not over the phone!
Gemini - Why is there never a taxi around when you want one? You are headed home from the banquet, staggering under the weight of all the prizes you won - best mambo, best looking, best liked, not to mention the centrepiece from the table. Walk a ways with them and understand exactly what they weigh.
Cancer - Don't know if you smoke, but picture this - you're at the worst family get together you've ever experienced, and you finally find five minutes when you can sneak out back for a cigarette and be totally alone for just a bit. Nicotine or not, you need some down time this week so take it.
Leo - You're usually prepared for something like this, but when the press arrive on your doorstep this week the lights, the noise and the shouting will make you wonder whether you are facing adoring fans or an angry mob. The worst of it is you have no idea why this is happening. Tread carefully.
Virgo - You feel as though you have tin cans and streamers tied to your bumper. Wherever you go you are fighting against the drag of meaningless noise and gratuitous visual stimulation. In the aggregate, these things weigh a ton and they're slowing you down. Leave them behind.
Libra - Walk toward the light Libra, move into the light. No not that light, the fairy lights, the tiki torches, the patio lanterns: the glow you can see on the horizon that indicates a gathering of happy people - that light! Watch where your stepping but don't change direction.
Scorpio - What's the worst part of being a penguin? Is it the unending cold; is it a lifespan that stretches from perilous birth to early death; or would it be the fact that you are never, ever alone for a single moment of your brief existence. Go to your happy place and be glad you're not a penguin.
Sagittarius - This would not be the week for you to consider robbing a bank - you would get caught. You're not a thief, but you should pay closer attention to what you pick up. Pluto looms like an omniscient hall monitor and you will absolutely not be able to get away with lifting even a paper clip.
Capricorn - This week, if someone gave you crayons you would colour outside of all the lines. You would do this very carefully, filling in all the spaces and making sure that you didn't colour inside the lines. Maybe if you coloured more often you wouldn't take it all so seriously.
Aquarius - This is one of those times when astrologers say you have the ability to heal a past hurt. Don't worry about which one, that's neurotic. Be alert for deja vu and realize that three weeks from now you'll look back and say to yourself "oh that's what was happening" - everything in its time.
Pisces - How does all this crime happen in Las Vegas? It's never dark. People who fear the dark love Vegas for this reason. You can stay awake longer and party longer and gamble more and spend more money. You can't sleep in a casino so maybe you should think about heading back to your hotel.
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