Aries - Imagine that you are performing in a big theatrical production. You play the part of the plucky young chorus member who dreams of becoming a star. Suddenly it is all coming true. The lead has a dropped out, the stand-in is drunk and the rest of the cast is in tears. Only you can step to your mark, find your light and deliver a performance that will save the day. Or you could just pee you pants and run home.
Taurus - If any of your friends owe you favours, now would be the time to collect. You'll be seeing a lot less of them for a while and the next time you do bump into any of them you'll be so incredibly rich and famous that you won't want to talk to them. So you're asking 'if I'm going to be so incredibly rich and famous, why do I need to be calling in any favours from them?' and the answer of course is, how else will you get to be so incredibly rich and famous?
Gemini - You may be under the impression that you have plumbed all of your own secret depths and lived to tell about it. You feel solidly grounded and ready to take on the world. You certainly have done your homework and no one could fault your commitment or determination, but that doesn't change the fact that you're about to meet someone who will both pop your cork and shake your foundations. Did you just get a shiver?
Cancer - You caught sight of your own reflection recently and from your initial shy admiration, you have progressed to the point where your nose is now pressed to the mirror while you scrutinize each pore in an effort to seek out and destroy any imperfection. You've got two weeks to use all the magic creams, blue skin masks and herbal remedies you want and then you're just going to have to face facts. This is you and you're beautiful.
Leo - For a while now you've been hearing voices. Did you know there are support groups for that? Doesn't really matter, all your voices want you to do is to stop working and go play with them. As hallucinogenic experiences go that's not so bad is it? But wait, what's this? The voices are no longer content to simply take over your mind. They are now attempting to control your body and make you do fun stuff. Gracious whatever will you do?
Virgo - You've always had a clear understanding of what your boundaries are; you know the limits of your own responsibility and you know your own value. It's really just too bad that not everyone is more like you. You should have your own television program where you get to show people how to live well and help them with their problems. Oprah and Dr. Phil? Don't make me laugh. It's time to raise the bar; set a new standard! and you're just the one to do it.
Libra - In a vain attempt to escape what you feel is unwelcome scrutiny, you appear to have assumed the fetal position with the understanding that you will stay there until 'they' all go away. Well they're not going anywhere. The looks - nay the stares - currently beaming your way are those of admiration not judgement. Curl in on yourself if you must, but your admirers aren't going to disappear any time soon and meantime you might get a cramp.
Scorpio - Not much going on in your neck of the woods these days? Oh sure there's lots of stuff that just keeps happening, but is there anything really going on? Aren't you just a little fed up with the same old same old dressed up to look like something new? Stop looking for someone or something to fix your life. You and only you can ring these changes. And in fact, I will double dog dare you to change one real thing this week. Your hair doesn't count.
Sagittarius - You bring to mind Mrs. Pankhurst and the suffragette movement. She started out fighting for women's right to vote, was arrested numerous times, and twice endured force feeding to end hunger strikes. When WWI broke out she turned her energies to supporting the war and mandatory conscription. Her passion was like a laser that would blaze through anything that she chose to target. All I am trying to say here is, um, just be careful where you point that thing okay?
Capricorn - You are like a tall oak tree. The fruits of your labours take a long time to manifest and when you were little, people called you a nut. Your greatest fear is of becoming rigid. Well if ever there was a time to unbend a little and show your softer side, this is it. Maybe you should do a little volunteer work; something behind the scenes. Nothing to icky, just something that would look good on a resume. Plus it's one more thing to check off your list.
Aquarius - It is next to impossible to perform a high wire act wearing lead lined shoes. Once you make it to the other side you'll be at the bouncing balls and you only need 250 points to win the helicopter and that's easy. But first - crossing the chasm on a wire! Never fear, you friend Grant, the Human Mesh, has spread himself out beneath you to catch you if you fall. Then all you have to do is correctly spell 'dog' and you win. See how great life is when you know you're running the show?
Pisces - You are going through a crisis of faith. Your mind is like a pendulum swinging back and forth between opposing views and try as you might you can't determine which one is the right one for you. Of course you realize that no one can help you out with this, it's between you and your soul, a real test of your spirit. It comes to each of us early or late, that moment when we have to ask ourselves does lite beer really taste great or is it only less filling?
Monday, March 26, 2007
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Blogoscopes March 26 to April 2, 2007
Aries - You are starting to feel as though the weather man has been predicting freezing rain for weeks. As you walk through your day you can see the dark, leaden skies and the depressing gray drizzle collecting ahead of you but no matter how fast you walk you never seem to reach it. You're in a perpetual state of umbrella-carrying, shoulders-hunched, dreading-the-inevitable apprehensive kind of funk. Without trying to sound all Annie, the weather man is wrong and the sun will come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar you had better cheer up before then, because if the wind changes, your face could stick like that.
Taurus - This week you are the spitting image of a typical tormented schmo with a little red devil perched on one shoulder and a shining white angel on the other. They have very different views on where and how you should proceed from here, and each one seems to have a very good argument to support that view. The angel's point is that there is only one way to go, that you know what that way is and that you will be a better person for it. The devil's point is on the end of that fork he carries and seems to consist mainly of shouted interjections like "whaddaya mean better person?" and "don't listen to that sissy" which, when you think about it, are not really very strong arguments for anything are they?
Gemini - This week Gemini, picture yourself in Istanbul's Grand Bazaar. Incredible sights, sounds, aromas and the reverberation of over 500 years of commercial transactions that must make the very walls vibrate. Anyplace with that kind of energy is your spiritual home. You're not shopping but you are attempting to procure something you want very badly. Tantrums won't get you anywhere and pleading is not your style but bargaining! perhaps even haggling.....ah now there is something you can understand. Here are a few tips to help ensure your success in the deal. Never let on how much you really want it. Know how much you're prepared to pay for it. Most importantly, if you're not getting your deal, be prepared to walk away from it.
Cancer - If you ask one more person to tell you if your butt looks big in those jeans there won't be a human left on the planet who will speak to you. It's a no win question and no matter what anyone says you're not going to believe them so why oh why are you tormenting your loved ones this way? If you don't love your own butt then who will? And if you do love your own butt then who won't? You must make a serious effort over the next seven days to really get to know your butt. Until then, give your family, friends and co-workers a break, and when you're in public pretend that you love your butt no matter what!
Leo - I'm battling my inner geek in an effort to avoid using a Star Wars analogy for you. So I'm just going to tell you what's going on and let you find your own mythological references. You have a calling, a duty, a mission if you will and not just your own future but that of many others depends on your success. Whether you know it or not you've been rehearsing for this your whole life and the moves you need to make now are etched in your body and consciousness. Listen to your intuition and you can't go wrong. Oh and the final element that makes this the ideal time to push forward? This is the week you realize that Han Solo has returned and is prepared to both watch your back and save your ass. Oops.
Virgo - Do you have one of those little micro cassette recorder thingamajigs for capturing you brilliant ideas as they come to mind? You should get one. You are not so much "out of the box" as you are "box what box?" Right now you're in some sort of overdrive trying to make everybody understand everything all at once but it doesn't seem to be working. It all appears crystal clear to you but it may be a bit overwhelming for those who are trying to understand. By all means don't stop, just make sure you've got a copy of everything you think this week whether it's verbal, visual, musical or mystical. You'll want to be able to reproduce it, package it, and make a fortune from it.
Libra - Have you ever had one unforgettable, unmistakable, unadulterated moment of pure bliss? Everything you could ever have hoped for and all you have worked for finally coming together in just the way you had imagined. It's like floating in the sky looking down to Earth and watching each and every separate and sometimes infinitely tiny little piece of the puzzle falling neatly into place. You feel like a god and that has nothing to do with power trips and everything to do with satisfaction at the perfection you've created. Oh, so you have had one of those before? Well there's another one coming up.
Scorpio - This week I heard someone say that mental instability is the new black. Someone else said that ambition is the new black. Fashion magazines are insisting that pink is the new black. Can we just agree that black is the new black? Why am I asking you this? Because you have an incredible personal style. A style that extends to every area of your life from fashion, to job, to hobbies, to beer. When you walk into a room people notice you. When you leave a room people remember you. Why would you want to mess with that? Stop trying to re-invent black and apply your creative energies to something that could really use them.
Sagittarius - Wouldn't it be great if you could always win at anything you tried? If every lotto ticket you bought, every horse you backed and every rim you rolled was a winner? Ed
McMahon would be spending so much time at your house he'd buy the place next door just to be close to work. What if you took up sports, business, the arts and were instantly and automatically recognized as the best at everything you tried? You're about to realize this week just how important it is to be a loser once in a while.
Capricorn - Oh wouldn't you just love to stay at home this week? Wouldn't it be great to be able to spend the next few days just taking really good care of yourself? Unplug the phone, catch up on your reading, take naps, have a spa day, or just do nothing. You can't. There's too much going on for you to even be contemplating hiding out. Try this instead. Every day do something that's a little out of character for you. It doesn't have to be a bad something, just something that no one would ever suspect you of doing. It's like sharing a naughty secret with yourself, and every time you think of it you'll smile. Hey presto - quality "me-time".
Aquarius - You should pay close attention to your actions this week because now more than ever the consequences could be far reaching - in a very positive way. Like you could win a Nobel Prize - if there's ever a Nobel Prize for crazy people! No, you're not a crazy person, and you really do have the ability to make some positive changes around you, you just need to be aware that not everyone is going to be on board with them. You can slow down and wait for the rest of the world to catch up or just continue full steam ahead and start writing your acceptance speech now.
Pisces - Beware of sooth talking snake oil salesman, travelling gospel shows and politicians going door-to-door. If you're not careful you could be seduced in to hopping the ideological fence that surrounds you. In itself that may not be a bad thing, but at this time of year the grass on that side is the same muddy brown colour it is on this side and you've gotten used to believing that there are greener pastures over there somewhere. Well you're right there are verdant expanses galore but it requires time and the hopping of more than one fence to get there.
Taurus - This week you are the spitting image of a typical tormented schmo with a little red devil perched on one shoulder and a shining white angel on the other. They have very different views on where and how you should proceed from here, and each one seems to have a very good argument to support that view. The angel's point is that there is only one way to go, that you know what that way is and that you will be a better person for it. The devil's point is on the end of that fork he carries and seems to consist mainly of shouted interjections like "whaddaya mean better person?" and "don't listen to that sissy" which, when you think about it, are not really very strong arguments for anything are they?
Gemini - This week Gemini, picture yourself in Istanbul's Grand Bazaar. Incredible sights, sounds, aromas and the reverberation of over 500 years of commercial transactions that must make the very walls vibrate. Anyplace with that kind of energy is your spiritual home. You're not shopping but you are attempting to procure something you want very badly. Tantrums won't get you anywhere and pleading is not your style but bargaining! perhaps even haggling.....ah now there is something you can understand. Here are a few tips to help ensure your success in the deal. Never let on how much you really want it. Know how much you're prepared to pay for it. Most importantly, if you're not getting your deal, be prepared to walk away from it.
Cancer - If you ask one more person to tell you if your butt looks big in those jeans there won't be a human left on the planet who will speak to you. It's a no win question and no matter what anyone says you're not going to believe them so why oh why are you tormenting your loved ones this way? If you don't love your own butt then who will? And if you do love your own butt then who won't? You must make a serious effort over the next seven days to really get to know your butt. Until then, give your family, friends and co-workers a break, and when you're in public pretend that you love your butt no matter what!
Leo - I'm battling my inner geek in an effort to avoid using a Star Wars analogy for you. So I'm just going to tell you what's going on and let you find your own mythological references. You have a calling, a duty, a mission if you will and not just your own future but that of many others depends on your success. Whether you know it or not you've been rehearsing for this your whole life and the moves you need to make now are etched in your body and consciousness. Listen to your intuition and you can't go wrong. Oh and the final element that makes this the ideal time to push forward? This is the week you realize that Han Solo has returned and is prepared to both watch your back and save your ass. Oops.
Virgo - Do you have one of those little micro cassette recorder thingamajigs for capturing you brilliant ideas as they come to mind? You should get one. You are not so much "out of the box" as you are "box what box?" Right now you're in some sort of overdrive trying to make everybody understand everything all at once but it doesn't seem to be working. It all appears crystal clear to you but it may be a bit overwhelming for those who are trying to understand. By all means don't stop, just make sure you've got a copy of everything you think this week whether it's verbal, visual, musical or mystical. You'll want to be able to reproduce it, package it, and make a fortune from it.
Libra - Have you ever had one unforgettable, unmistakable, unadulterated moment of pure bliss? Everything you could ever have hoped for and all you have worked for finally coming together in just the way you had imagined. It's like floating in the sky looking down to Earth and watching each and every separate and sometimes infinitely tiny little piece of the puzzle falling neatly into place. You feel like a god and that has nothing to do with power trips and everything to do with satisfaction at the perfection you've created. Oh, so you have had one of those before? Well there's another one coming up.
Scorpio - This week I heard someone say that mental instability is the new black. Someone else said that ambition is the new black. Fashion magazines are insisting that pink is the new black. Can we just agree that black is the new black? Why am I asking you this? Because you have an incredible personal style. A style that extends to every area of your life from fashion, to job, to hobbies, to beer. When you walk into a room people notice you. When you leave a room people remember you. Why would you want to mess with that? Stop trying to re-invent black and apply your creative energies to something that could really use them.
Sagittarius - Wouldn't it be great if you could always win at anything you tried? If every lotto ticket you bought, every horse you backed and every rim you rolled was a winner? Ed
McMahon would be spending so much time at your house he'd buy the place next door just to be close to work. What if you took up sports, business, the arts and were instantly and automatically recognized as the best at everything you tried? You're about to realize this week just how important it is to be a loser once in a while.
Capricorn - Oh wouldn't you just love to stay at home this week? Wouldn't it be great to be able to spend the next few days just taking really good care of yourself? Unplug the phone, catch up on your reading, take naps, have a spa day, or just do nothing. You can't. There's too much going on for you to even be contemplating hiding out. Try this instead. Every day do something that's a little out of character for you. It doesn't have to be a bad something, just something that no one would ever suspect you of doing. It's like sharing a naughty secret with yourself, and every time you think of it you'll smile. Hey presto - quality "me-time".
Aquarius - You should pay close attention to your actions this week because now more than ever the consequences could be far reaching - in a very positive way. Like you could win a Nobel Prize - if there's ever a Nobel Prize for crazy people! No, you're not a crazy person, and you really do have the ability to make some positive changes around you, you just need to be aware that not everyone is going to be on board with them. You can slow down and wait for the rest of the world to catch up or just continue full steam ahead and start writing your acceptance speech now.
Pisces - Beware of sooth talking snake oil salesman, travelling gospel shows and politicians going door-to-door. If you're not careful you could be seduced in to hopping the ideological fence that surrounds you. In itself that may not be a bad thing, but at this time of year the grass on that side is the same muddy brown colour it is on this side and you've gotten used to believing that there are greener pastures over there somewhere. Well you're right there are verdant expanses galore but it requires time and the hopping of more than one fence to get there.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Blogoscopes March 19th to March 26th, 2007
Aries - You light up a room like fireworks with a sparkling, evanescent beauty that cannot be harnessed. In other words, the illumination you shine on the world is loud, fleeting and useless. I mean, that's if you believe that sparkling, evanescent beauty is useless. This week, where ever you go you'll be hearing words like scintillating, breathtaking and evocative. Update your old artist statement and get ready to make them ooh and aah! To read more about Aries click HERE
Taurus - Don't fall in love with anybody you meet after dark this week. You're a little in love with love right now and it would be all too easy for you to tumble head over heels for the wrong person. I know how you are when your heart is set on something and I'm not saying that this person isn't nice. I just want you to run a few brief checks before you commit yourself. You need to know if your prospective new steady is single, employed and, most importantly, able to leave home when the sun is out.
Gemini - Nothing is what it seems to be right now and for you, Gemini, this means being careful around bodies of water. Yesterday's skating rink is today's pond with only a thin rime of ice separating you from the murky depths. This applies equally to lakes, creeks and mud puddles. The danger is not from drowning, but from the disorienting effect of suddenly finding yourself in a new element. Carrying bouquets of orange helium balloons might not help keep you afloat, but they'll make it easier for the rescue team to find you. Till then just remain calm.
Cancer - I want you to imagine that you are wearing ankle weights this week. They're comfortable, attractive, weigh less than a pound and have tin cans and spoons on streamers hanging off the back. Everywhere you go you are accompanied by the gentle tinkling of low tech bells. Later in the week (when you run screaming naked from your house eager to tell the world about broccoli) the tinkling will turn to clanging and hopefully grab your attention long enough to remind you that you should have put on a hat.
Leo - If life is a merry-go-round, then nobody wins and how much does that suck? Not only can't you compete, you can't even place a little side bet. Don't dare try to pretend that you're not a gambler. And when I say gamble I'm not talking about on-line poker, scratch and win tickets or a flutter on the ponies. I'm talking risking everything you have every minute of every day in a wager to get what you truly want out of life. That's both high stakes and competitive. Let's say that life is a slot machine and you're about to spin three cherries!
Virgo - Backstage, behind-the-scenes, off camera, you're quite happy to let the light shine elsewhere this week. You've set it all in motion and now all you can do is stand back and let it happen. As usual, you're the only one not thrilled with what you've done, so these next few days when your own little Frankenstein is taking his first solo steps, you can stand back and dissect your design. If there's a flaw - and I"m not saying there is, but if there is - you better find it before the angry villagers do.
Libra - Whether it's Sturm or Drang, you like the weather at home to be the same as the weather at work. It's way too unsettling for you to have to be miserable half the time and happy the rest. Better to always be a gloomy Gus than to ever have to pretend. But wait! There's seems to be a disturbance in the force! You're genuinely happy! Your world is tilting precariously. What will you do? Would it help if I told you that next week you're going to find yourself in possession of compromising photos of your boss?
Scorpio - Every day this week as you are getting dressed for work you're going to discover that you're missing one item of apparel. Monday it's your hard hat, Tuesday it's the pink garter belt, Wednesday it's the Armani tie......you get the drift. These items are key to your look; they are important pieces of your costume, or is it.....! Gasp! A disguise? If you want anyone to recognize you this week, you're going to have to devise some creative wardrobe replacements.
Can't wait to see what you do on Thursday!
Sagittarius - I'm giving you three months to get tired of this saintly sister act and start doing some serious holding out. I mean really, it's one thing for you to pretend to be something you're not if it will help somebody out of a jam but why continue a charade that no longer serves the best interests of anyone? That's not the type of sacrifice you're prepared to make. Although with the right incentive who knows? I'd say somebody better buy you your own basketball team and soon.
Capricorn - I hope you paid attention in science class when you were in school because this week you're going to have to either clone yourself or build a robot twin. You're committed to some sort of meaningful, very public and ritualized event with your significant other this week, but what you really want to do is stay home and watch the whole thing on TV. No it's not your wedding. Unless it is your wedding. In which case it might be best for you to leave the robot clone at home to record the event and attend in person.
Aquarius - You know how you always feel as though there's a hidden camera following your every move? Remember how you thought The Trueman Show was based on your life? Do you ever wonder if you're just paranoid and self-involved? Here's a thought, you have way too much stuff to get done to be standing around worrying about shit like this. If you really think some body's watching then just make sure you always look your best and don't pick your nose in public.
Pisces - I hope you've got a good long distance plan cause this is the week you're going to need all those minutes. There's a lot of old stuff you need to finish so that you can get started on all the new stuff for spring. And you can't do it by yourself, you're going to have to call in some favours and delegate. Give detailed instructions on how you want things handled and if they don't answer the phone, leave long messages - up to three in a row if needed - on their answering machines. You may be the only one who understands how important this is so it's up to you to make it all happen.
Taurus - Don't fall in love with anybody you meet after dark this week. You're a little in love with love right now and it would be all too easy for you to tumble head over heels for the wrong person. I know how you are when your heart is set on something and I'm not saying that this person isn't nice. I just want you to run a few brief checks before you commit yourself. You need to know if your prospective new steady is single, employed and, most importantly, able to leave home when the sun is out.
Gemini - Nothing is what it seems to be right now and for you, Gemini, this means being careful around bodies of water. Yesterday's skating rink is today's pond with only a thin rime of ice separating you from the murky depths. This applies equally to lakes, creeks and mud puddles. The danger is not from drowning, but from the disorienting effect of suddenly finding yourself in a new element. Carrying bouquets of orange helium balloons might not help keep you afloat, but they'll make it easier for the rescue team to find you. Till then just remain calm.
Cancer - I want you to imagine that you are wearing ankle weights this week. They're comfortable, attractive, weigh less than a pound and have tin cans and spoons on streamers hanging off the back. Everywhere you go you are accompanied by the gentle tinkling of low tech bells. Later in the week (when you run screaming naked from your house eager to tell the world about broccoli) the tinkling will turn to clanging and hopefully grab your attention long enough to remind you that you should have put on a hat.
Leo - If life is a merry-go-round, then nobody wins and how much does that suck? Not only can't you compete, you can't even place a little side bet. Don't dare try to pretend that you're not a gambler. And when I say gamble I'm not talking about on-line poker, scratch and win tickets or a flutter on the ponies. I'm talking risking everything you have every minute of every day in a wager to get what you truly want out of life. That's both high stakes and competitive. Let's say that life is a slot machine and you're about to spin three cherries!
Virgo - Backstage, behind-the-scenes, off camera, you're quite happy to let the light shine elsewhere this week. You've set it all in motion and now all you can do is stand back and let it happen. As usual, you're the only one not thrilled with what you've done, so these next few days when your own little Frankenstein is taking his first solo steps, you can stand back and dissect your design. If there's a flaw - and I"m not saying there is, but if there is - you better find it before the angry villagers do.
Libra - Whether it's Sturm or Drang, you like the weather at home to be the same as the weather at work. It's way too unsettling for you to have to be miserable half the time and happy the rest. Better to always be a gloomy Gus than to ever have to pretend. But wait! There's seems to be a disturbance in the force! You're genuinely happy! Your world is tilting precariously. What will you do? Would it help if I told you that next week you're going to find yourself in possession of compromising photos of your boss?
Scorpio - Every day this week as you are getting dressed for work you're going to discover that you're missing one item of apparel. Monday it's your hard hat, Tuesday it's the pink garter belt, Wednesday it's the Armani tie......you get the drift. These items are key to your look; they are important pieces of your costume, or is it.....! Gasp! A disguise? If you want anyone to recognize you this week, you're going to have to devise some creative wardrobe replacements.
Can't wait to see what you do on Thursday!
Sagittarius - I'm giving you three months to get tired of this saintly sister act and start doing some serious holding out. I mean really, it's one thing for you to pretend to be something you're not if it will help somebody out of a jam but why continue a charade that no longer serves the best interests of anyone? That's not the type of sacrifice you're prepared to make. Although with the right incentive who knows? I'd say somebody better buy you your own basketball team and soon.
Capricorn - I hope you paid attention in science class when you were in school because this week you're going to have to either clone yourself or build a robot twin. You're committed to some sort of meaningful, very public and ritualized event with your significant other this week, but what you really want to do is stay home and watch the whole thing on TV. No it's not your wedding. Unless it is your wedding. In which case it might be best for you to leave the robot clone at home to record the event and attend in person.
Aquarius - You know how you always feel as though there's a hidden camera following your every move? Remember how you thought The Trueman Show was based on your life? Do you ever wonder if you're just paranoid and self-involved? Here's a thought, you have way too much stuff to get done to be standing around worrying about shit like this. If you really think some body's watching then just make sure you always look your best and don't pick your nose in public.
Pisces - I hope you've got a good long distance plan cause this is the week you're going to need all those minutes. There's a lot of old stuff you need to finish so that you can get started on all the new stuff for spring. And you can't do it by yourself, you're going to have to call in some favours and delegate. Give detailed instructions on how you want things handled and if they don't answer the phone, leave long messages - up to three in a row if needed - on their answering machines. You may be the only one who understands how important this is so it's up to you to make it all happen.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Blogoscopes March 12th to 19th, 2007
Aries - This week you have the power to leap over tall obstacles with ease. Your super hero role model is Babe Didrikson. This three time Olympic track and field medalist excelled in every sport she ever played and once set five world records in an afternoon. I once had five martinis in an afternoon. In honour of her status as America's first female golf 'celebrity', I'm going to suggest that perhaps your super costume should be something in argyle.
Taurus - Mythic Endurance is the theme of every great warrior's quest. Your super power is your ability to continue to walk your path while everyone around is waving red flags. Ignore them. They're like those tourists who try to get the Queen's Guard to crack. If I were a Queen's Guard I'd probably shoot one of them. That's why your super hero costume has to have bearskin hat (fake fur of course). It will stand as a symbol of that solidarity with others that your life currently seems to lack.
Gemini - You were born with the ability to shape shift. Like your ruler Mercury's elemental name sake you are quicksilver - constantly changing in unpredictable ways, and impossible to hold on to. When others attempt to smear you by questioning your motives or impugning your integrity you must remember that they are only staring at their own reflections in your shiny surface. With her Gauthier bustier and Teflon attitude, Madonna is the obvious choice for you to emulate.
Cancer - You have an amazing ability to make yourself invisible when ever you like. You're physically present, but no one can see you. Sadly, you may have difficulty re-appearing. Then people will get so used to not seeing you, that if you do manage to show up they'll call it a come back and accuse you of being a sell-out. Being super in a white sequined jumpsuit will remind you that people still talk about Elvis as though he were dead. Be warned.
Leo - We all know that you have limitless powers in a number of different categories, but I would like to focus on your super ability to communicate through mime. Your icon is, of course, Marcel Marceau, who called silence an art. Words cannot clearly communicate your ideas and in fact words are mere links in the chain that keeps you shackled in a lesser being's reality. You don't need words. Use your body to make others see more clearly that, yes, you are trapped in a box.
Virgo - People tend to forget that your ruler is Mercury. He's much more easily associated with flashy Gemini. I think that your true connection to this god is in his Greek counterpart, Hermes, who acted as a psychopomp escorting the dead to Hades. You can imagine how well he had to recognize boundaries to survive in that line of work. Your super suit is a winged helmet and a t-shirt that reads "get your hands off of that it's mine". Oh, and a great scarf!
Libra - The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen aside, was Dr. Jekyll really a hero or an arrogant s.o.b.? You have a super-powered discernment that allows you to identify evil wherever it lurks, but maybe you should dial it back a bit eh? A philosophical discourse on pure good and evil sounds fascinating, but try wearing a top hat and monster mask and just acknowledge ambiguity. Mr. Hyde throws the kind of wobblies that could do serious damage to your psyche.
Scorpio - You are as unstoppable as you astrological opposite Taurus, with greater speed and less sort of long term idea about exactly where it is that you're going. Where ever it is you'll get there, guaranteed. In the world of Marvel Comics, Turbo is a super hero who was actually two people - one woman, one man - sharing a turbo powered suit of armour. With the energy of two people you hardly need a jet propelled back pack, but wear it just to remind yourself that you are human.
Sagittarius - I'm going to call your super hero "Genuine Ginsu" as a salute to your ability to instantly cut through layers of crap and expose the true heart of any person or situation. Sure we all remember the ninja in the chef's hat who first brought the incredible Ginsu offer to TV, but how many of us remember the bonus tool that could make beautiful flowers out of fruits and vegetables? Maybe you should use your power to create something beautiful instead of just cutting shit up.
Capricorn - Your heroic paradigm lives on the airwaves of GMA TV in the Philippines. In real life, the "Super Twins" had been feuding, until one of them recently announced that she is pregnant with the governor's child. Wait did I say 'real world'? My point is that there are dark forces at work all around you and you cannot be divided against yourself if you want to be effective. I think the problem is that a part of you is falling for the evil genius. You can ignore the pregnant part if you want.
Aquarius - I hope you learned your lesson about messing with the weather. Global warming is every body's responsibility. Go play with your x-ray vision. You need the practice. It's a depth perception issue. You just want to see through people's clothes, only to continually find your self ogling their digestive tracks. You need to gain control before you find yourself looking right through people. Which will inevitably lead to walking into people. Your uniform must include a clown nose.
Pisces - At an early age you honed your telekinetic ability in an effort to avoid eating strained peas. Now there's not a spoon in the world that is safe from your power. Basically your inner child's fear of green food is making it difficult for the rest of us to eat soup, and more importantly, ice cream. Bend you mind and accept that there is no spoon. Wear black PVC and aviator shades. Be very mysterious. Leave the cutlery alone.
Taurus - Mythic Endurance is the theme of every great warrior's quest. Your super power is your ability to continue to walk your path while everyone around is waving red flags. Ignore them. They're like those tourists who try to get the Queen's Guard to crack. If I were a Queen's Guard I'd probably shoot one of them. That's why your super hero costume has to have bearskin hat (fake fur of course). It will stand as a symbol of that solidarity with others that your life currently seems to lack.
Gemini - You were born with the ability to shape shift. Like your ruler Mercury's elemental name sake you are quicksilver - constantly changing in unpredictable ways, and impossible to hold on to. When others attempt to smear you by questioning your motives or impugning your integrity you must remember that they are only staring at their own reflections in your shiny surface. With her Gauthier bustier and Teflon attitude, Madonna is the obvious choice for you to emulate.
Cancer - You have an amazing ability to make yourself invisible when ever you like. You're physically present, but no one can see you. Sadly, you may have difficulty re-appearing. Then people will get so used to not seeing you, that if you do manage to show up they'll call it a come back and accuse you of being a sell-out. Being super in a white sequined jumpsuit will remind you that people still talk about Elvis as though he were dead. Be warned.
Leo - We all know that you have limitless powers in a number of different categories, but I would like to focus on your super ability to communicate through mime. Your icon is, of course, Marcel Marceau, who called silence an art. Words cannot clearly communicate your ideas and in fact words are mere links in the chain that keeps you shackled in a lesser being's reality. You don't need words. Use your body to make others see more clearly that, yes, you are trapped in a box.
Virgo - People tend to forget that your ruler is Mercury. He's much more easily associated with flashy Gemini. I think that your true connection to this god is in his Greek counterpart, Hermes, who acted as a psychopomp escorting the dead to Hades. You can imagine how well he had to recognize boundaries to survive in that line of work. Your super suit is a winged helmet and a t-shirt that reads "get your hands off of that it's mine". Oh, and a great scarf!
Libra - The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen aside, was Dr. Jekyll really a hero or an arrogant s.o.b.? You have a super-powered discernment that allows you to identify evil wherever it lurks, but maybe you should dial it back a bit eh? A philosophical discourse on pure good and evil sounds fascinating, but try wearing a top hat and monster mask and just acknowledge ambiguity. Mr. Hyde throws the kind of wobblies that could do serious damage to your psyche.
Scorpio - You are as unstoppable as you astrological opposite Taurus, with greater speed and less sort of long term idea about exactly where it is that you're going. Where ever it is you'll get there, guaranteed. In the world of Marvel Comics, Turbo is a super hero who was actually two people - one woman, one man - sharing a turbo powered suit of armour. With the energy of two people you hardly need a jet propelled back pack, but wear it just to remind yourself that you are human.
Sagittarius - I'm going to call your super hero "Genuine Ginsu" as a salute to your ability to instantly cut through layers of crap and expose the true heart of any person or situation. Sure we all remember the ninja in the chef's hat who first brought the incredible Ginsu offer to TV, but how many of us remember the bonus tool that could make beautiful flowers out of fruits and vegetables? Maybe you should use your power to create something beautiful instead of just cutting shit up.
Capricorn - Your heroic paradigm lives on the airwaves of GMA TV in the Philippines. In real life, the "Super Twins" had been feuding, until one of them recently announced that she is pregnant with the governor's child. Wait did I say 'real world'? My point is that there are dark forces at work all around you and you cannot be divided against yourself if you want to be effective. I think the problem is that a part of you is falling for the evil genius. You can ignore the pregnant part if you want.
Aquarius - I hope you learned your lesson about messing with the weather. Global warming is every body's responsibility. Go play with your x-ray vision. You need the practice. It's a depth perception issue. You just want to see through people's clothes, only to continually find your self ogling their digestive tracks. You need to gain control before you find yourself looking right through people. Which will inevitably lead to walking into people. Your uniform must include a clown nose.
Pisces - At an early age you honed your telekinetic ability in an effort to avoid eating strained peas. Now there's not a spoon in the world that is safe from your power. Basically your inner child's fear of green food is making it difficult for the rest of us to eat soup, and more importantly, ice cream. Bend you mind and accept that there is no spoon. Wear black PVC and aviator shades. Be very mysterious. Leave the cutlery alone.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Blogoscopes The Musical - March 5th to March 12th 2007
Aries - Don't Call Us We'll Call You - Sugar Loaf - 1975 Half the people reading this will never have heard of this song and that's too bad. Much like yourself, it is an oft under-rated gem, labelled as a trite piece of pop, when in reality it is a serious political statement; a righteous raspberry to the man! Let me hear you say Yea! Soon there will be begging, crawling, and all the glitter you can use.
Taurus - That's the Way [uh-huh, uh-huh] I Like It - K.C. & the Sunshine Band - 1975 Oh! the banal purposes to which this lyric has been put since I first did the bump to it. Your own personal chart-topper is about to break, and I hope you put some thought into the title. Down the road you could sell it to an ad company. The royalties would help make for a very nice retirement. Or you could just keep your soul.
Gemini - Stormy - Dennis Yost and the Classics IV - 1968 Dennis Yost sings the way a good scotch should taste - smoky, smooth and seductive with just the hint of a friendly bite. In reality, scotch tastes like tree bark soaked in rubbing alcohol. Put down the bottle, turn up the Dennis and let yourself be cajoled. You can't deny it; sooner or later you're going to have to 'bring back that sunny day.'
Cancer - Brandy - Looking Glass - 1970 This is one of those catchy little numbers about some passionate idealist who has sacrificed any chance of personal happiness by devoting everything to the object of their unrequited love. That type of dedication is hard to find. Hell these days you can hardly get somebody to marry you and put you through med school. Sadly, it may be time for us to think about lowering our expectations.
Leo - Magnet & Steel - Walter Egan - 1978 This one is your closer: You've had a customer wandering the aisles for some time now - a customer who has checked out the goods and wants what you've got; price is no object and there will be no buyer remorse. All you have to do, is be willing to sell. There's a sexy vulnerability to the lyric of this song that always seals the deal.
Virgo - When the World is Running Down - The Police - 1980 'You make the best of what's still around.' From the days when Sting still had meaning but this album title apparently didn't. You have a gift for making something out of nothing. For a long time now you've been stockpiling somethings and now there's no room left for nothings. And that's meaningless.
Libra - Possessed - The Silencers - 1987 It's moody and melodic and for some strange reason always makes me think of roller-skating. Not blading, I'm talking roller-skating - four wheels, Saturday nights, around in circles. I can see you now, eyes closed, head bopping, your movements strong and smooth. All eyes are on you and your sit spin finale has the crowd on its feet. Talk about owning the room!
Scorpio - Master & Servant - Depeche Mode - 1984 I tried so hard to avoid this but it kept popping up, so to speak. For some reason when it comes to Scorpio I can't stop writing porn. Okay just take my word for it when I say that the bondage imagery of the song is used to explore deeper issues. Yes there are sometimes things that are more important than sex.
Sagittarius - Midnight Cruiser - Steely Dan - 1972 There's an extremely fin de siecle feeling to this song. Wine red velvet and a heart of steel, searching for meaning on a far horizon: a lone wolf doomed by its own mythology.....ooh help! Nothing has any meaning and I'm feeling far too jaded to continue writing.....drama queen.
Capricorn - [I Can't Get No] Satisfaction - The Rolling Stones - 1965 Not this week anyway. In fact, as long as you continue to flail against the tide of the inevitable with your puny human fists mrwrwahaha (translation - evil laugh) you won't be getting any satisfaction: or results, or rewards or anything. Just relax and give up. That's the key to success.
Aquarius - The Marrakesh Express - Crosby Stills & Nash - 1969 Some of us know that the sky isn't always a colour: sometimes it's a sound. We know that life is meant to be hands on and DIY. And we know that tourists deserve to pay more: especially when they're just visiting in their own lives. This is not an all expense paid ten day package, it's the real world, and it's a beautiful happy place.
Pisces - Mystify - INXS - 1989 Tap dancing on the high wire. There's a very happy-go-lucky, almost slap-dash feeling to your life these days. Strangely this does not appear to be an act of self-sabotage. It doesn't look like an invitation to failure, it looks like an act of faith. You may have no idea what's holding you up, but remember, you're not supposed to see the wires.
Taurus - That's the Way [uh-huh, uh-huh] I Like It - K.C. & the Sunshine Band - 1975 Oh! the banal purposes to which this lyric has been put since I first did the bump to it. Your own personal chart-topper is about to break, and I hope you put some thought into the title. Down the road you could sell it to an ad company. The royalties would help make for a very nice retirement. Or you could just keep your soul.
Gemini - Stormy - Dennis Yost and the Classics IV - 1968 Dennis Yost sings the way a good scotch should taste - smoky, smooth and seductive with just the hint of a friendly bite. In reality, scotch tastes like tree bark soaked in rubbing alcohol. Put down the bottle, turn up the Dennis and let yourself be cajoled. You can't deny it; sooner or later you're going to have to 'bring back that sunny day.'
Cancer - Brandy - Looking Glass - 1970 This is one of those catchy little numbers about some passionate idealist who has sacrificed any chance of personal happiness by devoting everything to the object of their unrequited love. That type of dedication is hard to find. Hell these days you can hardly get somebody to marry you and put you through med school. Sadly, it may be time for us to think about lowering our expectations.
Leo - Magnet & Steel - Walter Egan - 1978 This one is your closer: You've had a customer wandering the aisles for some time now - a customer who has checked out the goods and wants what you've got; price is no object and there will be no buyer remorse. All you have to do, is be willing to sell. There's a sexy vulnerability to the lyric of this song that always seals the deal.
Virgo - When the World is Running Down - The Police - 1980 'You make the best of what's still around.' From the days when Sting still had meaning but this album title apparently didn't. You have a gift for making something out of nothing. For a long time now you've been stockpiling somethings and now there's no room left for nothings. And that's meaningless.
Libra - Possessed - The Silencers - 1987 It's moody and melodic and for some strange reason always makes me think of roller-skating. Not blading, I'm talking roller-skating - four wheels, Saturday nights, around in circles. I can see you now, eyes closed, head bopping, your movements strong and smooth. All eyes are on you and your sit spin finale has the crowd on its feet. Talk about owning the room!
Scorpio - Master & Servant - Depeche Mode - 1984 I tried so hard to avoid this but it kept popping up, so to speak. For some reason when it comes to Scorpio I can't stop writing porn. Okay just take my word for it when I say that the bondage imagery of the song is used to explore deeper issues. Yes there are sometimes things that are more important than sex.
Sagittarius - Midnight Cruiser - Steely Dan - 1972 There's an extremely fin de siecle feeling to this song. Wine red velvet and a heart of steel, searching for meaning on a far horizon: a lone wolf doomed by its own mythology.....ooh help! Nothing has any meaning and I'm feeling far too jaded to continue writing.....drama queen.
Capricorn - [I Can't Get No] Satisfaction - The Rolling Stones - 1965 Not this week anyway. In fact, as long as you continue to flail against the tide of the inevitable with your puny human fists mrwrwahaha (translation - evil laugh) you won't be getting any satisfaction: or results, or rewards or anything. Just relax and give up. That's the key to success.
Aquarius - The Marrakesh Express - Crosby Stills & Nash - 1969 Some of us know that the sky isn't always a colour: sometimes it's a sound. We know that life is meant to be hands on and DIY. And we know that tourists deserve to pay more: especially when they're just visiting in their own lives. This is not an all expense paid ten day package, it's the real world, and it's a beautiful happy place.
Pisces - Mystify - INXS - 1989 Tap dancing on the high wire. There's a very happy-go-lucky, almost slap-dash feeling to your life these days. Strangely this does not appear to be an act of self-sabotage. It doesn't look like an invitation to failure, it looks like an act of faith. You may have no idea what's holding you up, but remember, you're not supposed to see the wires.
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