Blogoscopes The Musical - March 5th to March 12th 2007

Aries - Don't Call Us We'll Call You - Sugar Loaf - 1975 Half the people reading this will never have heard of this song and that's too bad. Much like yourself, it is an oft under-rated gem, labelled as a trite piece of pop, when in reality it is a serious political statement; a righteous raspberry to the man! Let me hear you say Yea! Soon there will be begging, crawling, and all the glitter you can use.

Taurus - That's the Way [uh-huh, uh-huh] I Like It - K.C. & the Sunshine Band - 1975 Oh! the banal purposes to which this lyric has been put since I first did the bump to it. Your own personal chart-topper is about to break, and I hope you put some thought into the title. Down the road you could sell it to an ad company. The royalties would help make for a very nice retirement. Or you could just keep your soul.

Gemini - Stormy - Dennis Yost and the Classics IV - 1968 Dennis Yost sings the way a good scotch should taste - smoky, smooth and seductive with just the hint of a friendly bite. In reality, scotch tastes like tree bark soaked in rubbing alcohol. Put down the bottle, turn up the Dennis and let yourself be cajoled. You can't deny it; sooner or later you're going to have to 'bring back that sunny day.'

Cancer - Brandy - Looking Glass - 1970 This is one of those catchy little numbers about some passionate idealist who has sacrificed any chance of personal happiness by devoting everything to the object of their unrequited love. That type of dedication is hard to find. Hell these days you can hardly get somebody to marry you and put you through med school. Sadly, it may be time for us to think about lowering our expectations.

Leo - Magnet & Steel - Walter Egan - 1978 This one is your closer: You've had a customer wandering the aisles for some time now - a customer who has checked out the goods and wants what you've got; price is no object and there will be no buyer remorse. All you have to do, is be willing to sell. There's a sexy vulnerability to the lyric of this song that always seals the deal.

Virgo - When the World is Running Down - The Police - 1980 'You make the best of what's still around.' From the days when Sting still had meaning but this album title apparently didn't. You have a gift for making something out of nothing. For a long time now you've been stockpiling somethings and now there's no room left for nothings. And that's meaningless.

Libra - Possessed - The Silencers - 1987 It's moody and melodic and for some strange reason always makes me think of roller-skating. Not blading, I'm talking roller-skating - four wheels, Saturday nights, around in circles. I can see you now, eyes closed, head bopping, your movements strong and smooth. All eyes are on you and your sit spin finale has the crowd on its feet. Talk about owning the room!

Scorpio - Master & Servant - Depeche Mode - 1984 I tried so hard to avoid this but it kept popping up, so to speak. For some reason when it comes to Scorpio I can't stop writing porn. Okay just take my word for it when I say that the bondage imagery of the song is used to explore deeper issues. Yes there are sometimes things that are more important than sex.

Sagittarius - Midnight Cruiser - Steely Dan - 1972 There's an extremely fin de siecle feeling to this song. Wine red velvet and a heart of steel, searching for meaning on a far horizon: a lone wolf doomed by its own mythology.....ooh help! Nothing has any meaning and I'm feeling far too jaded to continue writing.....drama queen.

Capricorn - [I Can't Get No] Satisfaction - The Rolling Stones - 1965 Not this week anyway. In fact, as long as you continue to flail against the tide of the inevitable with your puny human fists mrwrwahaha (translation - evil laugh) you won't be getting any satisfaction: or results, or rewards or anything. Just relax and give up. That's the key to success.

Aquarius - The Marrakesh Express - Crosby Stills & Nash - 1969 Some of us know that the sky isn't always a colour: sometimes it's a sound. We know that life is meant to be hands on and DIY. And we know that tourists deserve to pay more: especially when they're just visiting in their own lives. This is not an all expense paid ten day package, it's the real world, and it's a beautiful happy place.

Pisces - Mystify - INXS - 1989 Tap dancing on the high wire. There's a very happy-go-lucky, almost slap-dash feeling to your life these days. Strangely this does not appear to be an act of self-sabotage. It doesn't look like an invitation to failure, it looks like an act of faith. You may have no idea what's holding you up, but remember, you're not supposed to see the wires.