Aries - You are starting to feel as though the weather man has been predicting freezing rain for weeks. As you walk through your day you can see the dark, leaden skies and the depressing gray drizzle collecting ahead of you but no matter how fast you walk you never seem to reach it. You're in a perpetual state of umbrella-carrying, shoulders-hunched, dreading-the-inevitable apprehensive kind of funk. Without trying to sound all Annie, the weather man is wrong and the sun will come out tomorrow. Bet your bottom dollar you had better cheer up before then, because if the wind changes, your face could stick like that.
Taurus - This week you are the spitting image of a typical tormented schmo with a little red devil perched on one shoulder and a shining white angel on the other. They have very different views on where and how you should proceed from here, and each one seems to have a very good argument to support that view. The angel's point is that there is only one way to go, that you know what that way is and that you will be a better person for it. The devil's point is on the end of that fork he carries and seems to consist mainly of shouted interjections like "whaddaya mean better person?" and "don't listen to that sissy" which, when you think about it, are not really very strong arguments for anything are they?
Gemini - This week Gemini, picture yourself in Istanbul's Grand Bazaar. Incredible sights, sounds, aromas and the reverberation of over 500 years of commercial transactions that must make the very walls vibrate. Anyplace with that kind of energy is your spiritual home. You're not shopping but you are attempting to procure something you want very badly. Tantrums won't get you anywhere and pleading is not your style but bargaining! perhaps even haggling.....ah now there is something you can understand. Here are a few tips to help ensure your success in the deal. Never let on how much you really want it. Know how much you're prepared to pay for it. Most importantly, if you're not getting your deal, be prepared to walk away from it.
Cancer - If you ask one more person to tell you if your butt looks big in those jeans there won't be a human left on the planet who will speak to you. It's a no win question and no matter what anyone says you're not going to believe them so why oh why are you tormenting your loved ones this way? If you don't love your own butt then who will? And if you do love your own butt then who won't? You must make a serious effort over the next seven days to really get to know your butt. Until then, give your family, friends and co-workers a break, and when you're in public pretend that you love your butt no matter what!
Leo - I'm battling my inner geek in an effort to avoid using a Star Wars analogy for you. So I'm just going to tell you what's going on and let you find your own mythological references. You have a calling, a duty, a mission if you will and not just your own future but that of many others depends on your success. Whether you know it or not you've been rehearsing for this your whole life and the moves you need to make now are etched in your body and consciousness. Listen to your intuition and you can't go wrong. Oh and the final element that makes this the ideal time to push forward? This is the week you realize that Han Solo has returned and is prepared to both watch your back and save your ass. Oops.
Virgo - Do you have one of those little micro cassette recorder thingamajigs for capturing you brilliant ideas as they come to mind? You should get one. You are not so much "out of the box" as you are "box what box?" Right now you're in some sort of overdrive trying to make everybody understand everything all at once but it doesn't seem to be working. It all appears crystal clear to you but it may be a bit overwhelming for those who are trying to understand. By all means don't stop, just make sure you've got a copy of everything you think this week whether it's verbal, visual, musical or mystical. You'll want to be able to reproduce it, package it, and make a fortune from it.
Libra - Have you ever had one unforgettable, unmistakable, unadulterated moment of pure bliss? Everything you could ever have hoped for and all you have worked for finally coming together in just the way you had imagined. It's like floating in the sky looking down to Earth and watching each and every separate and sometimes infinitely tiny little piece of the puzzle falling neatly into place. You feel like a god and that has nothing to do with power trips and everything to do with satisfaction at the perfection you've created. Oh, so you have had one of those before? Well there's another one coming up.
Scorpio - This week I heard someone say that mental instability is the new black. Someone else said that ambition is the new black. Fashion magazines are insisting that pink is the new black. Can we just agree that black is the new black? Why am I asking you this? Because you have an incredible personal style. A style that extends to every area of your life from fashion, to job, to hobbies, to beer. When you walk into a room people notice you. When you leave a room people remember you. Why would you want to mess with that? Stop trying to re-invent black and apply your creative energies to something that could really use them.
Sagittarius - Wouldn't it be great if you could always win at anything you tried? If every lotto ticket you bought, every horse you backed and every rim you rolled was a winner? Ed
McMahon would be spending so much time at your house he'd buy the place next door just to be close to work. What if you took up sports, business, the arts and were instantly and automatically recognized as the best at everything you tried? You're about to realize this week just how important it is to be a loser once in a while.
Capricorn - Oh wouldn't you just love to stay at home this week? Wouldn't it be great to be able to spend the next few days just taking really good care of yourself? Unplug the phone, catch up on your reading, take naps, have a spa day, or just do nothing. You can't. There's too much going on for you to even be contemplating hiding out. Try this instead. Every day do something that's a little out of character for you. It doesn't have to be a bad something, just something that no one would ever suspect you of doing. It's like sharing a naughty secret with yourself, and every time you think of it you'll smile. Hey presto - quality "me-time".
Aquarius - You should pay close attention to your actions this week because now more than ever the consequences could be far reaching - in a very positive way. Like you could win a Nobel Prize - if there's ever a Nobel Prize for crazy people! No, you're not a crazy person, and you really do have the ability to make some positive changes around you, you just need to be aware that not everyone is going to be on board with them. You can slow down and wait for the rest of the world to catch up or just continue full steam ahead and start writing your acceptance speech now.
Pisces - Beware of sooth talking snake oil salesman, travelling gospel shows and politicians going door-to-door. If you're not careful you could be seduced in to hopping the ideological fence that surrounds you. In itself that may not be a bad thing, but at this time of year the grass on that side is the same muddy brown colour it is on this side and you've gotten used to believing that there are greener pastures over there somewhere. Well you're right there are verdant expanses galore but it requires time and the hopping of more than one fence to get there.
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