Blogoscopes March 19th to March 26th, 2007

Aries - You light up a room like fireworks with a sparkling, evanescent beauty that cannot be harnessed. In other words, the illumination you shine on the world is loud, fleeting and useless. I mean, that's if you believe that sparkling, evanescent beauty is useless. This week, where ever you go you'll be hearing words like scintillating, breathtaking and evocative. Update your old artist statement and get ready to make them ooh and aah! To read more about Aries click HERE

Taurus - Don't fall in love with anybody you meet after dark this week. You're a little in love with love right now and it would be all too easy for you to tumble head over heels for the wrong person. I know how you are when your heart is set on something and I'm not saying that this person isn't nice. I just want you to run a few brief checks before you commit yourself. You need to know if your prospective new steady is single, employed and, most importantly, able to leave home when the sun is out.

Gemini - Nothing is what it seems to be right now and for you, Gemini, this means being careful around bodies of water. Yesterday's skating rink is today's pond with only a thin rime of ice separating you from the murky depths. This applies equally to lakes, creeks and mud puddles. The danger is not from drowning, but from the disorienting effect of suddenly finding yourself in a new element. Carrying bouquets of orange helium balloons might not help keep you afloat, but they'll make it easier for the rescue team to find you. Till then just remain calm.

Cancer - I want you to imagine that you are wearing ankle weights this week. They're comfortable, attractive, weigh less than a pound and have tin cans and spoons on streamers hanging off the back. Everywhere you go you are accompanied by the gentle tinkling of low tech bells. Later in the week (when you run screaming naked from your house eager to tell the world about broccoli) the tinkling will turn to clanging and hopefully grab your attention long enough to remind you that you should have put on a hat.

Leo - If life is a merry-go-round, then nobody wins and how much does that suck? Not only can't you compete, you can't even place a little side bet. Don't dare try to pretend that you're not a gambler. And when I say gamble I'm not talking about on-line poker, scratch and win tickets or a flutter on the ponies. I'm talking risking everything you have every minute of every day in a wager to get what you truly want out of life. That's both high stakes and competitive. Let's say that life is a slot machine and you're about to spin three cherries!

Virgo - Backstage, behind-the-scenes, off camera, you're quite happy to let the light shine elsewhere this week. You've set it all in motion and now all you can do is stand back and let it happen. As usual, you're the only one not thrilled with what you've done, so these next few days when your own little Frankenstein is taking his first solo steps, you can stand back and dissect your design. If there's a flaw - and I"m not saying there is, but if there is - you better find it before the angry villagers do.

Libra - Whether it's Sturm or Drang, you like the weather at home to be the same as the weather at work. It's way too unsettling for you to have to be miserable half the time and happy the rest. Better to always be a gloomy Gus than to ever have to pretend. But wait! There's seems to be a disturbance in the force! You're genuinely happy! Your world is tilting precariously. What will you do? Would it help if I told you that next week you're going to find yourself in possession of compromising photos of your boss?

Scorpio - Every day this week as you are getting dressed for work you're going to discover that you're missing one item of apparel. Monday it's your hard hat, Tuesday it's the pink garter belt, Wednesday it's the Armani tie......you get the drift. These items are key to your look; they are important pieces of your costume, or is it.....! Gasp! A disguise? If you want anyone to recognize you this week, you're going to have to devise some creative wardrobe replacements.
Can't wait to see what you do on Thursday!

Sagittarius - I'm giving you three months to get tired of this saintly sister act and start doing some serious holding out. I mean really, it's one thing for you to pretend to be something you're not if it will help somebody out of a jam but why continue a charade that no longer serves the best interests of anyone? That's not the type of sacrifice you're prepared to make. Although with the right incentive who knows? I'd say somebody better buy you your own basketball team and soon.

Capricorn - I hope you paid attention in science class when you were in school because this week you're going to have to either clone yourself or build a robot twin. You're committed to some sort of meaningful, very public and ritualized event with your significant other this week, but what you really want to do is stay home and watch the whole thing on TV. No it's not your wedding. Unless it is your wedding. In which case it might be best for you to leave the robot clone at home to record the event and attend in person.

Aquarius - You know how you always feel as though there's a hidden camera following your every move? Remember how you thought The Trueman Show was based on your life? Do you ever wonder if you're just paranoid and self-involved? Here's a thought, you have way too much stuff to get done to be standing around worrying about shit like this. If you really think some body's watching then just make sure you always look your best and don't pick your nose in public.

Pisces - I hope you've got a good long distance plan cause this is the week you're going to need all those minutes. There's a lot of old stuff you need to finish so that you can get started on all the new stuff for spring. And you can't do it by yourself, you're going to have to call in some favours and delegate. Give detailed instructions on how you want things handled and if they don't answer the phone, leave long messages - up to three in a row if needed - on their answering machines. You may be the only one who understands how important this is so it's up to you to make it all happen.