Well, it's December 22nd and I'm preparing to fly off to another country in one week's time. Until my computer issues are resolved, I won't be able to maintain my scopes so I hope you can all manage on your own for a few weeks. Meanwhile, stay tuned for updates on my exciting travels.
All the best in 2008
Love
Gypsy Judy
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Blogoscopes Week of December 10th to December 17th, 2007
Aries - Merry-go-rounds are not a lot of fun if you happen to be over the age of six. There is no joy in simply going around in circles. Sure, you never fall behind, but neither do you ever get ahead. In front of you is some horse's ass and the scenery never changes. Life is a merry-go-round and getting off the ride is not an option so how do you shake things up? Easy - turn around and wave at the person riding behind you. Swivel and peer through the centre of the ride to the other side. Sit side saddle and make faces at the parents watching from the sidelines. In fact, do anything except just sit there going around in circles.
Taurus - This week you will attend a party and meet a fascinating stranger from some exotic country you have never heard of. Because this exciting creature finds you so fascinating, you are going to be offered the chance of a lifetime, the opportunity to make three times your annual income in just one day. If this were an e-mail you would hit SPAM and move on, but this is a real live person who you are absolutely certain is genuine. A genuine con artist is closer to the truth and although initially you may fall for the flattery, your inner sceptic still holds the purse strings. You will snap out of it just in time to avoid felony charges.
Gemini - Everyone has their own way of decorating their homes for the holidays. Fake tree, real tree, no tree, colour schemes and religious themes, it is all a matter of taste. For you, a combination of old favourites and some carefully chosen new articles will work the best. Do re-use your strings of lights, glass ornaments and pine cone wreath. Do not re-use strings of popcorn and cranberries, live evergreens or fruitcake. Use the same approach to your person as you do to your home. It's okay to wear the same dress you did last year. It is not okay to let some rude remark by your drunken Aunt Gertrude spoil your fun.
Cancer - Tis the season to be jolly my ass. Tis the season of outrageous expectations and over-spending. It does not matter in the least that you have spent all year covering their butts, saving their bacon and generally shouldering their burdens, they will still want something to unwrap on the big day. Driving yourself into an early grave in an effort to provide material proof of what should be glaringly obvious, is not a good plan. By Christmas you will just be drunk and bitter. Why not consider giving beautifully caligraphied lists of all the wonderful things you have already done for them this year? Failing that, fall back on a classic and give coal.
Leo - Eminent Ruler of The Known World is not a viable job description. It is also not something likely to be part of a community service sentence. So, try to see the coming week this way: sure, what you are being asked to do is far beneath your level of ability, and of course you can see what any trained chimp would spot in an instant - the single simple flaw that is holding everything back. Oddly, only you and the ape can see it so unless you want everybody to be heaping praise on the primate, you will let yourself stoop to doing this one measly little thing. You are still not going to be in charge of the universe, but you will earn a satisfying degree of adulation.
Virgo - You have a singular approach to the game of poker. Whether you're holding pocket aces or a pair of deuces your attitude is the same - shut up and play the game. You've just been dealt what could become the winning hand and you really want this. And right there is the secret to all of your former successes - those other games didn't matter. How can you bluff about something so real? You can't - and you don't have to. Take a deep breath, and as you push all of your chips into the pot, look your fellow gamblers in the eye and tell them honestly how much you want this. At worst this will confuse them so much that they make mistakes and lose. At best they actually just let you win.
Libra - You'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony. You'd like to buy the world a Coke (tm) and keep it company. You'd like to stop feeling personally responsible for the happiness of everyone you know. It's like you can't set foot out your front door without tripping over someone who desperately needs your help. Panhandlers only want your bits of change, these people want bits of you. Have you considered travelling in cognito? Not necessarily The Witness Protection Program, but you might want to consider hats, dark glasses, a different route to work. If that doesn't work or if (most likely) you can't be bothered, try screaming at them all to leave you alone.
Scorpio - You're a take charge and get things done kind of person. Your next door neighbour's lawn needs mowing? You can do that. Your partner's car needs an oil change? You can do that. Sit back and let somebody else set the pace, direction and mode of travel? You can't do that. You need to change that. You can't always be in charge. Somtimes you have to let someone else take the lead while you follow. It'll be hard and you will have to sit on your hands and bite your tongue - a lot. You'll be surprised to discover what some people can do for themselves. Okay, now let's just be clear that when I say following I don't mean stalking,
Sagittarius - Let's play Loveboat. You be Julie, the cruise director. Yes I know that sounds like a euphemism. Julie had the ideal job. She was always travelling to exotic destinations; she got first crack at the eligible bachelors; she didn't appear to do any "work" at all. In the real world, Julie's job is way more stressful and difficult than the Captain's (how did he steer the ship when he was never on the bridge?) or Doc's (treating sunburn and broken hearts). Gopher and Isaac? Forget it. So, Julie, for the next leg of the journey, you're the one in charge of entertainment and making sure that everyone has a good time. Can you handle it?
Capricorn - On Friday when I got to the bagel place there was only one other person ahead of me. I ordered right away and stood to the side to let the people behind me order. I stood and stood and stood as one after another the people from the line behind me all picked up their breakfasts and mine failed to materialize. I was patient. I know that the best things in life are worth waiting for and that sometimes things happen for a reason. I also know that sometimes there's a language barrier and "toasted everything bagel with swiss lightly buttered" can sound like "nothing for me thanks I"m just looking". And sometimes I found, the best things in life are worth shouting at somebody.
Aquarius - If you don't know where you're going, you could end up anywhere. Experiment with a new method of navigation - walk outside and throw a coin in the air. Whichever direction the coin falls in is the direction you walk in. At the next intersection choose left, right or straight ahead based on a glimpse of your favourite colour. Your third decision should be made by following the most interesting person you see. Explore every short cut and be sure to seek the source of any music that reaches your ears. First impulses rule so never second guess yourself and avoid over thinking any of it. Net results? Razor sharp intuition and the sensation of flying.
Pisces - Here's a prediction - this week, while someone is pumping you for clues on one subject you accidentally let slip a secret on quite another topic - in fact it's a topic that is so old, only you could possibly still remember it. However, you can no longer remember why it was a secret in the first place. Well here's a heads up for you. To you it's old news, water under the bridge, bygones - to the person who just heard it for the first time from your mouth, it is read hot, current and needs to be dealt with. Your mind may have unwittingly dredged up a live bomb. Do your darndest to prove me wrong - whatever it is, don't say it. You don't want to know what you could set off.
Taurus - This week you will attend a party and meet a fascinating stranger from some exotic country you have never heard of. Because this exciting creature finds you so fascinating, you are going to be offered the chance of a lifetime, the opportunity to make three times your annual income in just one day. If this were an e-mail you would hit SPAM and move on, but this is a real live person who you are absolutely certain is genuine. A genuine con artist is closer to the truth and although initially you may fall for the flattery, your inner sceptic still holds the purse strings. You will snap out of it just in time to avoid felony charges.
Gemini - Everyone has their own way of decorating their homes for the holidays. Fake tree, real tree, no tree, colour schemes and religious themes, it is all a matter of taste. For you, a combination of old favourites and some carefully chosen new articles will work the best. Do re-use your strings of lights, glass ornaments and pine cone wreath. Do not re-use strings of popcorn and cranberries, live evergreens or fruitcake. Use the same approach to your person as you do to your home. It's okay to wear the same dress you did last year. It is not okay to let some rude remark by your drunken Aunt Gertrude spoil your fun.
Cancer - Tis the season to be jolly my ass. Tis the season of outrageous expectations and over-spending. It does not matter in the least that you have spent all year covering their butts, saving their bacon and generally shouldering their burdens, they will still want something to unwrap on the big day. Driving yourself into an early grave in an effort to provide material proof of what should be glaringly obvious, is not a good plan. By Christmas you will just be drunk and bitter. Why not consider giving beautifully caligraphied lists of all the wonderful things you have already done for them this year? Failing that, fall back on a classic and give coal.
Leo - Eminent Ruler of The Known World is not a viable job description. It is also not something likely to be part of a community service sentence. So, try to see the coming week this way: sure, what you are being asked to do is far beneath your level of ability, and of course you can see what any trained chimp would spot in an instant - the single simple flaw that is holding everything back. Oddly, only you and the ape can see it so unless you want everybody to be heaping praise on the primate, you will let yourself stoop to doing this one measly little thing. You are still not going to be in charge of the universe, but you will earn a satisfying degree of adulation.
Virgo - You have a singular approach to the game of poker. Whether you're holding pocket aces or a pair of deuces your attitude is the same - shut up and play the game. You've just been dealt what could become the winning hand and you really want this. And right there is the secret to all of your former successes - those other games didn't matter. How can you bluff about something so real? You can't - and you don't have to. Take a deep breath, and as you push all of your chips into the pot, look your fellow gamblers in the eye and tell them honestly how much you want this. At worst this will confuse them so much that they make mistakes and lose. At best they actually just let you win.
Libra - You'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony. You'd like to buy the world a Coke (tm) and keep it company. You'd like to stop feeling personally responsible for the happiness of everyone you know. It's like you can't set foot out your front door without tripping over someone who desperately needs your help. Panhandlers only want your bits of change, these people want bits of you. Have you considered travelling in cognito? Not necessarily The Witness Protection Program, but you might want to consider hats, dark glasses, a different route to work. If that doesn't work or if (most likely) you can't be bothered, try screaming at them all to leave you alone.
Scorpio - You're a take charge and get things done kind of person. Your next door neighbour's lawn needs mowing? You can do that. Your partner's car needs an oil change? You can do that. Sit back and let somebody else set the pace, direction and mode of travel? You can't do that. You need to change that. You can't always be in charge. Somtimes you have to let someone else take the lead while you follow. It'll be hard and you will have to sit on your hands and bite your tongue - a lot. You'll be surprised to discover what some people can do for themselves. Okay, now let's just be clear that when I say following I don't mean stalking,
Sagittarius - Let's play Loveboat. You be Julie, the cruise director. Yes I know that sounds like a euphemism. Julie had the ideal job. She was always travelling to exotic destinations; she got first crack at the eligible bachelors; she didn't appear to do any "work" at all. In the real world, Julie's job is way more stressful and difficult than the Captain's (how did he steer the ship when he was never on the bridge?) or Doc's (treating sunburn and broken hearts). Gopher and Isaac? Forget it. So, Julie, for the next leg of the journey, you're the one in charge of entertainment and making sure that everyone has a good time. Can you handle it?
Capricorn - On Friday when I got to the bagel place there was only one other person ahead of me. I ordered right away and stood to the side to let the people behind me order. I stood and stood and stood as one after another the people from the line behind me all picked up their breakfasts and mine failed to materialize. I was patient. I know that the best things in life are worth waiting for and that sometimes things happen for a reason. I also know that sometimes there's a language barrier and "toasted everything bagel with swiss lightly buttered" can sound like "nothing for me thanks I"m just looking". And sometimes I found, the best things in life are worth shouting at somebody.
Aquarius - If you don't know where you're going, you could end up anywhere. Experiment with a new method of navigation - walk outside and throw a coin in the air. Whichever direction the coin falls in is the direction you walk in. At the next intersection choose left, right or straight ahead based on a glimpse of your favourite colour. Your third decision should be made by following the most interesting person you see. Explore every short cut and be sure to seek the source of any music that reaches your ears. First impulses rule so never second guess yourself and avoid over thinking any of it. Net results? Razor sharp intuition and the sensation of flying.
Pisces - Here's a prediction - this week, while someone is pumping you for clues on one subject you accidentally let slip a secret on quite another topic - in fact it's a topic that is so old, only you could possibly still remember it. However, you can no longer remember why it was a secret in the first place. Well here's a heads up for you. To you it's old news, water under the bridge, bygones - to the person who just heard it for the first time from your mouth, it is read hot, current and needs to be dealt with. Your mind may have unwittingly dredged up a live bomb. Do your darndest to prove me wrong - whatever it is, don't say it. You don't want to know what you could set off.
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Blogoscopes Week of December 3rd to December 10th
Aries – The king was in the counting house counting out his money; the queen was in the parlour eating bread and honey. This is a good week for you to wear the big crown and re-familiarize yourself with the contents of your bank accounts, safety deposit boxes, piggy banks and shoe boxes. Someone is subtly draining your resources and the sooner you account for your personal wealth, the sooner you can see where the leak is.
Taurus – Did you know that Eddie Murphy once released a single called Party All The Time in which he seems to be complaining about his girlfriend’s apparently unending celebratory habits. It was a really awful song, causing listeners to laugh at Murphy rather than with him. Don’t be like Eddie; you should either join the party or get used to sleeping alone but whichever you choose to do, don’t sing about it.
Gemini – Every year when the Santa Claus parade rolls around I think, man he must resent having to take time out from his busiest season to have to do this dog and pony show. And I mean it’s not like he needs to drum up business is it? Pretty much everyone is buying what he’s selling; all he has to do is produce it. You and Santa should try the same thing – stay home and take care of business. Let the parade come to you.
Cancer – Can you tap dance? Can you tap dance at the speed of light? Two very different parts of your life are demanding equal access to your time. One is guilting you with responsibility, the other is tempting you with sparkly stuff. You don’t have to let them tear you in two but you will not only have to be fast and light on your feet, you will be composing the soundtrack as you go.
Leo – It’s always a good idea when you set out to save the world, to make sure that you’re not leaving a worse mess in your wake than the one you’ve decided to mend. I’m not talking about
Virgo – Relationships take work and anyone who enters into one thinking that it will be all sunshine and musicals is in for a rude awakening. Communication is important, and expressing needs and desires clearly is paramount – unless, that is, your need is for your partner to live up to a niggling set of standards that only you think important. That’s not communicating that’s nagging and you should stop it.
Libra – You’ve recently discovered that something you want rather badly is possessed by someone you don’t like very much. You could try being very nice to this individual until you achieve your desire, but I think you’ve left it a little late for any attempt to be believable; plus you’ll just end up hating yourself and despising your prize. You can either convince yourself that you don’t actually want what you want, or you can steal it.
Scorpio – Rejection often fosters fantasy – no matter who and no matter why, when someone brushes you off, turns you down or dumps you, it’s only human nature to imagine a scenario in which you are so smart, beautiful and powerful, that everyone who has ever turned their back on you begs you to come back. Okay, so this week try that shoe on the other foot. You may find your self sideswiped by a blast from the past.
Sagittarius – Speak up will you? I’m stuck here in the back row and I’m short so I can’t hear you very well. Plus there’s the cheering crowds, the trumpet fanfares and the buzz of skywriting planes to contend with. If you can’t make yourself heard, there’s hardly any point in opening you mouth. Stand up straight, breath deep and enunciate – oh and rent a decent sound system and one of those cool head set microphones.
Capricorn – Is it a particularly Canadian habit, or does everybody greet the first signs of winter by reminiscing about past winters? Just yesterday I was talking about my first winter in
Aquarius – Did you know that the Black Death was largely responsible for the rise of the middle classes in
Pisces – Did you ever get detention when you were in grade two? Did you have to stay in a recess and write out lines or do extra home work? And didn’t it suck to hear all the other kids laughing and having fun on the playground while you were stuck indoors? Close your eyes; listen to the voices and just imagine yourself out there with your friends. Soon enough recess will be over and so will your detention.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Blogoscopes Week of November 26th to December 3rd, 2007
Aries - Remember last week when I recommended shop lifting your way to enlightenment? Well this week I'm going to recommend that adding a dash of larceny to your passions not only won't interfere with your success, it can potentially make you a WSL of dough. I've even chosen a role model for you, but - and this is important - emulate this model's business acumen and perseverance; don't take on her personality.
Taurus - You've got to check this out! Without a word of a lie, I scored a perfect 10. I am a good judge of character so it means something when I say that I truly love your character. It's an honest, happy, talented, intelligent, stalwart and loyal kind of character - which is my favourite kind. Know why? It's because of those mad times when you let yourself relax and let down your hair. The very earth trembles in anticipation of your dancing shoes.
Gemini - I want to share this with you because I think it can be soothing for you over the next week or so to be reminded that there is beauty in everything if you have the eyes to see it. I'd say you might also notice that even though no humans live there, every one of these places feel inhabited by something. If you're currently considering expanding into a larger space, it might help to deal with the ghosts before you do anything else.
Cancer - I'm not sure whether or not you can relate to this, but I'm pretty sure that if you didn't already know it to be true in your heart of hearts, that there is someone very close to you who does. You can actually get this printed on a t-shirt. Which is perfect, because you've got your hands full trying to find a sane and stable place to just take care of your loved ones. You don't have time to stop and explain what you're doing to every a**hole who asks.
Leo - By the time you read this the 2007 Grey Cup game will have been played and that'll be that for Canadian football until the season starts again. Know what the players do in their off season? Well it sure as H E double hockey sticks, isn't rest on their laurels. Being in the pros means big business; no one can take their eye off the ball. I think you could use a little work out. Your accuracy is still awesome but your speed seems to have fallen off a bit.
Virgo - There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting things to be exactly what they are - not a symbol, not a metaphor, not an insinuation - genuinely truly once and for all exactly what that thing is supposed to be. Being able to depend on a literal reality gives you the foundation that supports your more high flying efforts. With that in mind, here's a little something to answer one of life's big questions. There now that's settled.
Libra - Ever ask "who moved my cheese?" Was the answer "you moved your cheese"? Still no idea where it went? Would a map be helpful? Well here's a little tool that might clear things up for you in the future - you know the future? It's that point on the space time continuum where you stop to identify your surroundings, get your bearings and search for cheese. If this doesn't help try carrying a box of Triscuits. Cheese loves Triscuits.
Scorpio - According to this list of the 20 richest people in the world, 7 of the 20 dropped out of school, and thirteen of these billionaires are "self-made". What does all of this mean for you? It means that in some areas of life, experience is more important than schooling and you don't need to inherit a fortune to have one. Come on, you've been around this particular block at least once, you must have picked up something worthwhile along the way! Use it.
Sagittarius - If he were alive Jimi Hendrix would turn 65 on Tuesday. He was a Sagittarius, an innovator, a trail blazer, who, more than 30 years after his death, is still considered by many to be the greatest rock guitarist who ever lived. One other thing you need to know, Hendrix played left handed. Now watch this televised performance and tell me what's not there. See, even gods can be misunderstood.
Capricorn - When I stumbled upon this today it looked familiar. I thought it was a game and tried to play it - no luck. Next I saw a message that said plug-ins were needed but I was unable to add them. In frustration I sat staring at this page, wondering why I recognized it and what I was could do with it; and then it hit me - it's your life. There's a lot of little stuff going on and nothing you can do about any of it; but if you stare until your eyes cross you can see a rhythm.
Aquarius - Let's face facts shall we? Every Aquarian is a tad geeky. Some are extremely geeky but camouflage it with understated elegance. Like Armani luggage for digital gadgets. All right Waterbearers, start shopping for something to carry this in because now that you've seen it, you know you'll want it. If only it functioned the way it should. Who knows, it's possible that in reality you are the only remaining Time Lord. May I suggest something from Burberry?
Pisces - You've heard the expression "keep your friends close and your enemies closer". What if you don't know who your enemies are? What if, in fact, you really don't have any enemies, just a vague, formless yet over-arching sense of dread? I suggest you look here. Recognize anyone? Frequently, just seeing and naming your monsters is all you need to chase them away. If that doesn't work, then keep your teddy bear close and your stuffed monster closer.
Taurus - You've got to check this out! Without a word of a lie, I scored a perfect 10. I am a good judge of character so it means something when I say that I truly love your character. It's an honest, happy, talented, intelligent, stalwart and loyal kind of character - which is my favourite kind. Know why? It's because of those mad times when you let yourself relax and let down your hair. The very earth trembles in anticipation of your dancing shoes.
Gemini - I want to share this with you because I think it can be soothing for you over the next week or so to be reminded that there is beauty in everything if you have the eyes to see it. I'd say you might also notice that even though no humans live there, every one of these places feel inhabited by something. If you're currently considering expanding into a larger space, it might help to deal with the ghosts before you do anything else.
Cancer - I'm not sure whether or not you can relate to this, but I'm pretty sure that if you didn't already know it to be true in your heart of hearts, that there is someone very close to you who does. You can actually get this printed on a t-shirt. Which is perfect, because you've got your hands full trying to find a sane and stable place to just take care of your loved ones. You don't have time to stop and explain what you're doing to every a**hole who asks.
Leo - By the time you read this the 2007 Grey Cup game will have been played and that'll be that for Canadian football until the season starts again. Know what the players do in their off season? Well it sure as H E double hockey sticks, isn't rest on their laurels. Being in the pros means big business; no one can take their eye off the ball. I think you could use a little work out. Your accuracy is still awesome but your speed seems to have fallen off a bit.
Virgo - There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting things to be exactly what they are - not a symbol, not a metaphor, not an insinuation - genuinely truly once and for all exactly what that thing is supposed to be. Being able to depend on a literal reality gives you the foundation that supports your more high flying efforts. With that in mind, here's a little something to answer one of life's big questions. There now that's settled.
Libra - Ever ask "who moved my cheese?" Was the answer "you moved your cheese"? Still no idea where it went? Would a map be helpful? Well here's a little tool that might clear things up for you in the future - you know the future? It's that point on the space time continuum where you stop to identify your surroundings, get your bearings and search for cheese. If this doesn't help try carrying a box of Triscuits. Cheese loves Triscuits.
Scorpio - According to this list of the 20 richest people in the world, 7 of the 20 dropped out of school, and thirteen of these billionaires are "self-made". What does all of this mean for you? It means that in some areas of life, experience is more important than schooling and you don't need to inherit a fortune to have one. Come on, you've been around this particular block at least once, you must have picked up something worthwhile along the way! Use it.
Sagittarius - If he were alive Jimi Hendrix would turn 65 on Tuesday. He was a Sagittarius, an innovator, a trail blazer, who, more than 30 years after his death, is still considered by many to be the greatest rock guitarist who ever lived. One other thing you need to know, Hendrix played left handed. Now watch this televised performance and tell me what's not there. See, even gods can be misunderstood.
Capricorn - When I stumbled upon this today it looked familiar. I thought it was a game and tried to play it - no luck. Next I saw a message that said plug-ins were needed but I was unable to add them. In frustration I sat staring at this page, wondering why I recognized it and what I was could do with it; and then it hit me - it's your life. There's a lot of little stuff going on and nothing you can do about any of it; but if you stare until your eyes cross you can see a rhythm.
Aquarius - Let's face facts shall we? Every Aquarian is a tad geeky. Some are extremely geeky but camouflage it with understated elegance. Like Armani luggage for digital gadgets. All right Waterbearers, start shopping for something to carry this in because now that you've seen it, you know you'll want it. If only it functioned the way it should. Who knows, it's possible that in reality you are the only remaining Time Lord. May I suggest something from Burberry?
Pisces - You've heard the expression "keep your friends close and your enemies closer". What if you don't know who your enemies are? What if, in fact, you really don't have any enemies, just a vague, formless yet over-arching sense of dread? I suggest you look here. Recognize anyone? Frequently, just seeing and naming your monsters is all you need to chase them away. If that doesn't work, then keep your teddy bear close and your stuffed monster closer.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Blogoscopes Week of November 19th to 26th, 2007
Aries - Ever watch a two year old grocery shopping with mom? Whether walking behind or perched in cart they grab whatever they want off the shelves with no regard for consequences. After all, if someone tells a two year old to put it back, the two year old will just giggle and pull their shirt over their head. This week be two and grab what you want with no fear of repercussions.
Taurus - You need a really good full body stretch and there are a couple of ways you could achieve this. One is lie face down on the floor, forehead on your stacked hands and breathe deeply into your diaphragm, reaching head and feet as far out as you can while chanting. The second way is to turn up the tunes hit the dance floor throw you hands in the air while jumping up and down and shouting woo hoo.
Gemini - It can be difficult to find the dividing line between what we want for ourselves and what others want from us. This week, try thinking of those so-called obligations as a game of hide and seek. So what if you leave the playground and go hide at your house? You're still playing; you can still be found; and honestly, if it takes a little longer for seekers to discover where you are doesn't that make the game better?
Cancer - We are once more approaching that time of year when it behooves us to consider the plight of the poor Yak. Wandering through the mountains of Central Asia, these animals never know the joy of a home cooked turkey dinner with friends and family gathering from near and far; never unwrap a lovingly selected gift; never gather round the piano to sing yuletide carols.
Psych! This week, beware of cons for good causes.
Leo - There's no doubt that if and when you decide to take up sky diving you should take lessons from a skilled professional before you even consider a jump. I know that you've got a plan in place already and that you feel confident in your ability to succeed, but honestly a trampoline and a few well placed friends to catch you can never replace a good parachute. And by parachute I don't mean bed sheet.
Virgo - Your average financial adviser spends years learning about investment opportunities, macro and micro economics, the vicissitudes of the market place, and studying for the certification required to legally handle other peoples' money. Don't let this dissuade you from "borrowing" a close friend's funds and randomly attempting to double it in a business opportunity that is in no way a pyramid scheme.
Libra - Don't be Wile E. Coyote. Don't order equipment of any kind - most especially not weapons - from any company called Acme. The products won't do what they're supposed to and for heaven sake how does a coyote pay for all of this? They don't have pockets. There are no ATMs in the dessert. Plus, I think if you ever catch Roadrunner you'll find that he doesn't make good eating. Mostly just don't look down.
Scorpio - If you have something to say to someone then I recommend that you say it to them instead of telling two friends who will tell two friends who will....well you get the picture. By the time your message gets communicated it won't sound anything like it did when it left your mouth. What if the message your sending is "hey your hair is on fire" and it takes a week for that person to hear "here's your spare tire"?
Sagittarius - I have it on good authority that you should be closing up your garden for the season. Opinions are divided on whether this means wrapping your trees in burlap or leaving them to the mercy of the elements. You can certainly bet that tree's ancestors didn't have burlap bags in the winter and they survived just fine thank you very much. In the end you'll have to cut through all the discussion and decide for yourself.
Capricorn - I predict that at some point this week you're going to have a dream in which you parlay your little nest egg into a personal real estate empire that includes a palazzo in Rome, a townhouse in New York, a flat in Belgravia and a cottage in the Muskokas. Sadly, you will wake up to discover that in a chocolate induced haze you've actually purchased a half dozen Barbie Dream Houses.
Aquarius - Nearly everybody you know has a story about how they tried or didn't try, succeeded or failed miserably at talking themselves out of a speeding ticket. This week, you're going to have to talk yourself out of a parking ticket that you'll get while you're still in the car. Which is no more or less than you can expect when you're not really parked, just pulled over to the side of the road for a nap.
Pisces - Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and the next thing you know he'll be at the bottom of ocean wreaking havoc amongst the sea life with sharp objects, weird bait and even sticking his fist down a catfish's throat and dragging it back to the surface and taking pictures of it to show his friends. That's too much work, just buy yourself a can of tuna and make sandwiches.
Taurus - You need a really good full body stretch and there are a couple of ways you could achieve this. One is lie face down on the floor, forehead on your stacked hands and breathe deeply into your diaphragm, reaching head and feet as far out as you can while chanting. The second way is to turn up the tunes hit the dance floor throw you hands in the air while jumping up and down and shouting woo hoo.
Gemini - It can be difficult to find the dividing line between what we want for ourselves and what others want from us. This week, try thinking of those so-called obligations as a game of hide and seek. So what if you leave the playground and go hide at your house? You're still playing; you can still be found; and honestly, if it takes a little longer for seekers to discover where you are doesn't that make the game better?
Cancer - We are once more approaching that time of year when it behooves us to consider the plight of the poor Yak. Wandering through the mountains of Central Asia, these animals never know the joy of a home cooked turkey dinner with friends and family gathering from near and far; never unwrap a lovingly selected gift; never gather round the piano to sing yuletide carols.
Psych! This week, beware of cons for good causes.
Leo - There's no doubt that if and when you decide to take up sky diving you should take lessons from a skilled professional before you even consider a jump. I know that you've got a plan in place already and that you feel confident in your ability to succeed, but honestly a trampoline and a few well placed friends to catch you can never replace a good parachute. And by parachute I don't mean bed sheet.
Virgo - Your average financial adviser spends years learning about investment opportunities, macro and micro economics, the vicissitudes of the market place, and studying for the certification required to legally handle other peoples' money. Don't let this dissuade you from "borrowing" a close friend's funds and randomly attempting to double it in a business opportunity that is in no way a pyramid scheme.
Libra - Don't be Wile E. Coyote. Don't order equipment of any kind - most especially not weapons - from any company called Acme. The products won't do what they're supposed to and for heaven sake how does a coyote pay for all of this? They don't have pockets. There are no ATMs in the dessert. Plus, I think if you ever catch Roadrunner you'll find that he doesn't make good eating. Mostly just don't look down.
Scorpio - If you have something to say to someone then I recommend that you say it to them instead of telling two friends who will tell two friends who will....well you get the picture. By the time your message gets communicated it won't sound anything like it did when it left your mouth. What if the message your sending is "hey your hair is on fire" and it takes a week for that person to hear "here's your spare tire"?
Sagittarius - I have it on good authority that you should be closing up your garden for the season. Opinions are divided on whether this means wrapping your trees in burlap or leaving them to the mercy of the elements. You can certainly bet that tree's ancestors didn't have burlap bags in the winter and they survived just fine thank you very much. In the end you'll have to cut through all the discussion and decide for yourself.
Capricorn - I predict that at some point this week you're going to have a dream in which you parlay your little nest egg into a personal real estate empire that includes a palazzo in Rome, a townhouse in New York, a flat in Belgravia and a cottage in the Muskokas. Sadly, you will wake up to discover that in a chocolate induced haze you've actually purchased a half dozen Barbie Dream Houses.
Aquarius - Nearly everybody you know has a story about how they tried or didn't try, succeeded or failed miserably at talking themselves out of a speeding ticket. This week, you're going to have to talk yourself out of a parking ticket that you'll get while you're still in the car. Which is no more or less than you can expect when you're not really parked, just pulled over to the side of the road for a nap.
Pisces - Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and the next thing you know he'll be at the bottom of ocean wreaking havoc amongst the sea life with sharp objects, weird bait and even sticking his fist down a catfish's throat and dragging it back to the surface and taking pictures of it to show his friends. That's too much work, just buy yourself a can of tuna and make sandwiches.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Blogoscopes week of November 12th to November 19th, 2007
Aries – If you laugh and nobody hears it is it still funny? No. Laughing alone is weird. You’re always laughing at things that only you find funny, and even in a room full of people you find yourself laughing alone. Are you weird? Oh yea. Should you stop laughing at things that no one else ever seems to get? Hell no. You should laugh more and above all, you should laugh louder. Some body somewhere will hear you, get the joke and start to laugh along. Don’t muffle the chuckle.
Taurus – Have you ever seen a performing seal? I haven’t in several years but when I was little I remember going to watch them balance balls on their noses, clap their flippers, play jokes on their trainers and bark out cryptic messages in code to secret agents in the audience who passed along important information to sea mammals all over the world. You too can broadcast to your personal network of operatives while acting silly and enjoying the little silver fishies that get tossed into your mouth.
Gemini – There’s more than one way to skin a cat (if that’s what you want to do) but they all require a sharp knife. There’s more than one way to cut the crap too (a more worthwhile pursuit I’m thinking) and they also require a sharply honed edge. Cats and crap are easy provided you have the right blade; more complicated things - like, say for example turkey - require some finesse. Sure, an axe, a meat cleaver, or a chop saw will do the job, but it’s not going to look really great when you put it on a plate, is it?
Cancer – Success is the best revenge; and I don’t think the fact that you’re seeking payback for an imaginary slight should hold you back from achieving your wildest ambition – not in the least. In fact, if you can’t decide on a course of action, sometimes a manufactured re-action can get things moving. Even paranoid delusions need a focus, so pick one make believe arch-enemy and prepare to show him/her just how wrong s/he is. You two are now partners in delusion – hide the sharp objects and get going.
Leo – What was the first movie you ever saw that scared you so badly that you had nightmares? Did you crawl into bed with mommy and/or daddy? Were you a little older and did you seek solace from a friend and/or a lover? It’s possible that you dealt with things on your own and simply slept with the lights on. Different types of scared call for different kinds of comfort; so in order to find the right kind of security you need to first identify the fear. Is it the chainsaw or the dancing hippos?
Virgo – Is pro wrestling real fighting or pugilistic choreography? It’s an age old debate, and - I feel - one that could be applied to any professional sport – hockey, cricket, synchronized swimming. To what degree are any of them played as opposed to performed? Where’s the dividing line? At what point does athletic gear become fashion and how do we discern the line between lifestyle and sport? The biggest question is does it matter? If you play Erika Kane for 25 years are you still Susan Lucci?
Libra – You're a little bit like Westly from The Princess Bride. Your life from an early age has been dedicated to the pursuit of your one true love. Fortunately you've spent many years in Ninja school honing your sword skill and your Zen. Now you will use your considerable abilities to overcome every obstacle standing between you and your dreams of connubial bliss. Now I'm not trying to throw you any shade, or step on your buzz, but you should know that in 43 of the 48 contiguous states this is considered stalking and it's illegal.
Scorpio – School is weird unless it's done right. If school equals education the you must enroll in a course of study that is meaningful to you. Your curriculum should be your spiritual path and your teachers should be your trusted gurus. Anything less results in an overheated and underlit room full of people who have paid a lot of money for the privilege of being bored to distraction by someone claiming to be an expert on the subject. Putting yourself in debt for life is something that should not be done lightly. Make sure you get enough bang for your buck.
Sagittarius – What if you had a gigantic version of those childhood knitting machines we used to play with? A spool, some nails in the top, and you keep winding yarn until a long tube of knitting snakes out the bottom. Make it a thousand times bigger, get you hands on all the wool you can find, and gather everybody together to start knitting. Before you know it you’ll have enough wool tubing to keep all the homeless people in the world warm and cozy all winter long. Not practical? Well then you come up with something.
Capricorn – In the history of music has it ever been more obvious than now that the only reason heterosexual men join bands is so that they can get the babes? Seriously, these guys would never get laid without a record deal. Maybe I’m just old; the generation before mine failed to recognize hotness in my rock gods. It’s like evolution on a microscopic level. In the future, tattoos will be inherited traits and the faux-hawk gene will become dominant. We are all of our own time.
Aquarius – Where were you on the night in question? Never mind what night, just answer the question. Bright lights, isolation and rapid fire questioning are all tactics of interrogation. They make you feel vulnerable and throw you off balance. You can’t see who’s asking the questions but you can’t hide from them. They expect you to justify all of your actions but are not prepared to respond to a single question from you. The only way to deal with this is to close your eyes and use the force.
Pisces – Did you ever wonder what kind of exercises Popeye must have done to have such massively developed forearms, bow legs and boy band hips? It had to be something more than squeezing spinach cans. You should maybe give some thought to emulating the sailor man’s physique. If you could be an Olympic level puppeteer and run the world by pulling strings, .then having wrists the size of thighs would mean you could accomplish everything without one arm tied behind your back.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Blogoscopes Week of November 5th to November 12th, 2007
Aries – Here’s a theme for a party I want you to throw. Ask your friends and family to dig through their personal photo collections. Go beyond the recent and probably digital, get them to trawl through all those boxes of snaps stashed away in basements, attics, garages and closets. You do the same. Enjoy the reminiscences by all means, but there is something in particular you’re looking for – a laughing group of people having a really good time, and one clown in the background doing something distracting – bunny ears, funny faces, odd gestures – everybody has at least one of these. My guess? In the photos you are about to amass, the clown in the back is almost always you
Taurus – This is the time of year when many religious and spiritual venues (like churches) decorate with harvest fruits – fragrant bales of hay, colourful gourds and bright ears of corn, sheaves of grain and flame hued leaves. They act as a tithe, an ancient portion to the gods, and a reminder of all we should be thankful for; at one time this was also a necessary storage option, and today is a cheap and cheerful source of home décor items. Winter darkness is approaching and now is the perfect time to stockpile for hibernation and also to inject a little life into your home environment. And can I just say that letting your cat give birth to a litter in your sock drawer is not what I have in mind.
Gemini – Ever find yourself in a situation where you realize that you have accidentally and in all innocence, said something that is embarrassing, possibly offensive? Worse, having recognized your mistake you probably began to talk too much in an effort to apologize and of course this exacerbates the problem. Before you know it you feel like a complete idiot, people are staring, you’re starting to stutter but somehow you just can’t shut-up. So your ruler Mercury has just straightened up after a three week retrograde and you woke up this morning spouting confused apologies to everyone in sight. Would it help if I said no one remembers what you said in the first place?
Cancer – The thing about sci-fi fantasy stories that makes them so appealing to so many of us is the way they use ancient, universal archetypes to explore everyday themes. The original Star Wars movies were Greek theatre; and just think about the number of times you saw togas on Star Trek. Also, who can forget the clash of the Titans as exemplified by the South Park version of Godzilla versus Mothra, starring Barbra Streisand and Robert Smith of The Cure? It took Leonard Maltin to save the day – surreal, but meaningful. So what does all of this portend for you? First off, lighten up; not everything is drama; and second, no more late-night burritos.
Leo – First semester of college one of my dorm mates talked in her sleep. This went beyond random and non-sequential night mumbles, because she spoke only when spoken to, and always in fully coherent, complete sentences. You could tell her your deepest darkest secrets, ask for her advice on the most embarrassing problems, receive her wisdom/absolution and be completely certain that she would never remember a word of it. In daylight you couldn't mention this. She was a Leo and hated to feel that her words might be misconstrued or misused, but hey she made more sense unconscious than she did when she was awake. Sometimes you just gotta spit it out.
Virgo – I’m Internet challenged as I write so I can’t tell you the exact number of brand new automobiles that roll off assembly lines around the world every day, but I can tell you that it’s too many. Why is this? And how come they keep getting more expensive? Car prices don’t seem to be subject to the laws of supply and demand. Oh sure, many manufacturers are starting to develop environmentally friendly vehicles, and that’s great, but it’s still going to take a life time to replace all the cars that are already on the road never mind new ones . So why not stop making more cars and give those earth friendly inventions a chance to catch up? Is it time for a garage sale?
Libra – Ever heard of snake oil sales men? They were purveyors of concoctions of dubious ingredients and spurious efficacy who were none the less quite successful at selling their wares. How could this be you ask? They spoke to that most human of all emotions, fear of the unknown. They used the language of facts, and science to promise protection from that unknown. They also very often lived an itinerant life and were long gone by the time their unsuspecting customers could realize that they had been duped. Sounds like a paradigm for the democratic election process. Your message is sincere and genuine, but that shouldn't stop you from copying their style.
Scorpio – You’re usually a bit of a trend spotter. I’m not saying you always embrace the cutting-edge; after all you’re not much of a follower. Nor am I saying that you’re a trend setter because heaven knows most people don’t have what it takes to carry off your style. You do, however, have a discerning sensibility and keen eye for those things that the meeker majority will eventually embrace although you’re the only one who currently sees the attraction. Don’t lose faith in your ideas just because no one else is able to see what you do. If all visionaries gave up that easily we wouldn’t have things like Karaoke TV and there would be a lot less music in the world.
Sagittarius – Dreams – we all have them even if we don’t remember them, and what we do in dreams is a good indicator of our waking hopes and fears, and being able to translate your night time inspirations into day time actions is like finding an extra room in your house. Much has been written about how your waking actions affect your dreams – it’s like sleeping with intent – but what you need to do is find a way to carry your dream energy out into the world. Hang on to that dreamy feeling, and defer interacting with other people until after 2 pm. No need to go as far as Hef has, but a few days spent in your pajamas might help. And, for one week, don’t comb your hair.
Capricorn – Scariest thing in the world is the freshly sober person embracing a new outlook with the confidence of a drunk, and the determination of an addict. Net result is an individual with the evangelism of a born again virgin and absolutely no fear. They will say anything, do anything and share it all. It’s always a toss up – are they inspired or insane? If you hang around for the homily will you find yourself with a bad case of vertigo? If you walk away shaking your head will you always wonder? Whichever you choose, never give one of these kooks your phone number or even your real name – sincere or not, they’re all stalkers.
Aquarius – I hate reality shows. I despise the “contestants” who participate in them. Why? Is it the fact that most of them are trying to get something for nothing? Or am I just freaked out by the number of people who feel the need to broadcast their boring little lives to the world. And their lives must be REALLY boring if they’re prepared to be this humiliated for money. Famous for being famous is a job description. Can the on-line courses for a degree in Meaningless Celebrity, be far behind? But I digress, what I really dislike about reality shows, is the viewers who believe that this virtual peep show is a viable relationship. This week, touch as much real stuff as you can; real people too.
Pisces – I wish I had the nerve to shave my head and wear wigs. Okay I really wish you had the nerve to shave your head and wear wigs. An extreme change in hair colour or style can make you look and feel like a whole new person so imagine what it would be like to wear different hair every day. Think how you’d feel if this coming Wednesday you could be a curly red head, go blond braids on Thursday and short green tresses on Friday. How would your life be changed if your hair was a blue bob? What would your dreams and ambitions be if your crowning glory was purple dreads? What if red-headed-you had to execute plans made by blond-you? Expand your repertoire at all?
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Blogoscopes Week of October 29th to November 5th, 2007
Aries - Home office, home school, home made, home life; there's a lot of satisfaction to be gained from running your own business, teaching your own children, making your own stuff, creating your own life - plus, you can avoid the daily commute and stay in your pyjamas all day. However, it's a lifestyle that is not with out drawbacks - work and play can seriously overlap. Does home office party sound like fun?
Taurus - There's a right way and a wrong way to take a sauna - oh wait, that's not a sauna, you're just letting off steam in a small place. Same deal really, whether you're relaxing in the heat or creating it, periodic cooling off will get you your best results. You have incredible stamina but you're beginning to resemble a prune. Don't take this the wrong way, but you should go jump in the lake.
Gemini - An important part of any performance is costume, whether it's a Torero's suit of lights, an Olympian's skating dress, a ballerina's tutu, or the geisha's kimono. It's not enough to be the best at what you do, you need to look different from the rest in order to really stand out. Stand out in a good way; you don't want to be the one who gets remembered for a wardrobe malfunction. Make sure your sequins are secure.
Cancer - On the surface, speed dating would seem to be an odd way to meet a potential romantic partner, but the truth is that we make snap decisions about people anyway, and the few minutes you get on a speed date are ample time for you to know whether you ever want to see this person again; black or white, yes or no - simple. It does not, however, work in all areas of life - slow down and ask more questions.
Leo - This week, while visiting your safe deposit box, you accidentally get locked inside the bank vault. Fortunately, you discover a long forgotten business plan you produced through automatic writing during that occult phase you had back in college. Hey guess what? Not only is that plan still viable, but you now have the time, the skills and the capital to pull it off. Of course you can't do anything until they open the vault in the morning.
Virgo - If you were to contemplate going over Niagara Falls in a barrel, would you be encouraged by the fact that 9 of the 13 who did it survived, or discouraged at the thought of the four who died? And let's not forget the six who were prevented from making the attempt; do you call that a narrow escape or a missed opportunity? Doesn't matter; you get passed a certain point and gravity just takes over.
Libra - Not all American travellers are obnoxious, but I've bumped into quite a few on vacation who never stop talking. They have opinions - often based on mis-information - about everything, and appear to feel a burning need to share those opinions with everybody in earshot. Frequently finding fault with places that aren't America, they miss all the reasons why a person travels in the first place. Don't be an American tourist.
Scorpio - You're like a magical iceberg - the most interesting parts of your life are hidden from view, and the little bit that does show is like a dazzling sleight of hand distracting people from looking below the water line, so to speak. This week, a skeptical deep sea diver crosses your path and refuses to be sidetracked by your hocus pocus. You might want to re-think your "publish and be damned" policy.
Sagittarius - As a rule, I don't like to recycle links, but this one was too perfect not to use. Now, if you feel that you true best path to enlightenment and finding your higher self, involves digging a tunnel through the centre of the planet, then go for it. I'll drop new shovels down to you as needed. If, however, you're digging a hole to escape into or to hide, forget it. You'll find more than shovels landing on your head.
Capricorn - You know how annoying it is when you're waiting for the streetcar and it's cold and wet and dark, and you're hungry and running late and you lean out and look to see if there's one coming and the idiot beside you leans out as well. Now you can't see anything, and we all know that unless you look about every 30 seconds, a streetcar will never show up. Just so you know, the guy behind you thinks you're the idiot.
Aquarius - So one day, you're travelling by bus, or train, or airplane; you're comfortably settled in and whether it's the air temperature, the dark outside the window, or the drone of the engine, you fall into a trance and dream the answer to all the world's problems. You awake to the realization that your triumphant "Eureka!" was actually shouted out loud and now your fellow passengers are staring at you.
Pisces - Do you know where the candles are? The power is going to be flickering for a bit - on/off/on/off - really annoying; you might as well just turn everything off and fire up some wax. Everybody and everything looks prettier by candle light. Faces glow, rooms look warmer, and it's really hard to see dirt. Plus, with no TV, no computer, no electric hum the voices might shut up long enough to let you get some sleep.
Taurus - There's a right way and a wrong way to take a sauna - oh wait, that's not a sauna, you're just letting off steam in a small place. Same deal really, whether you're relaxing in the heat or creating it, periodic cooling off will get you your best results. You have incredible stamina but you're beginning to resemble a prune. Don't take this the wrong way, but you should go jump in the lake.
Gemini - An important part of any performance is costume, whether it's a Torero's suit of lights, an Olympian's skating dress, a ballerina's tutu, or the geisha's kimono. It's not enough to be the best at what you do, you need to look different from the rest in order to really stand out. Stand out in a good way; you don't want to be the one who gets remembered for a wardrobe malfunction. Make sure your sequins are secure.
Cancer - On the surface, speed dating would seem to be an odd way to meet a potential romantic partner, but the truth is that we make snap decisions about people anyway, and the few minutes you get on a speed date are ample time for you to know whether you ever want to see this person again; black or white, yes or no - simple. It does not, however, work in all areas of life - slow down and ask more questions.
Leo - This week, while visiting your safe deposit box, you accidentally get locked inside the bank vault. Fortunately, you discover a long forgotten business plan you produced through automatic writing during that occult phase you had back in college. Hey guess what? Not only is that plan still viable, but you now have the time, the skills and the capital to pull it off. Of course you can't do anything until they open the vault in the morning.
Virgo - If you were to contemplate going over Niagara Falls in a barrel, would you be encouraged by the fact that 9 of the 13 who did it survived, or discouraged at the thought of the four who died? And let's not forget the six who were prevented from making the attempt; do you call that a narrow escape or a missed opportunity? Doesn't matter; you get passed a certain point and gravity just takes over.
Libra - Not all American travellers are obnoxious, but I've bumped into quite a few on vacation who never stop talking. They have opinions - often based on mis-information - about everything, and appear to feel a burning need to share those opinions with everybody in earshot. Frequently finding fault with places that aren't America, they miss all the reasons why a person travels in the first place. Don't be an American tourist.
Scorpio - You're like a magical iceberg - the most interesting parts of your life are hidden from view, and the little bit that does show is like a dazzling sleight of hand distracting people from looking below the water line, so to speak. This week, a skeptical deep sea diver crosses your path and refuses to be sidetracked by your hocus pocus. You might want to re-think your "publish and be damned" policy.
Sagittarius - As a rule, I don't like to recycle links, but this one was too perfect not to use. Now, if you feel that you true best path to enlightenment and finding your higher self, involves digging a tunnel through the centre of the planet, then go for it. I'll drop new shovels down to you as needed. If, however, you're digging a hole to escape into or to hide, forget it. You'll find more than shovels landing on your head.
Capricorn - You know how annoying it is when you're waiting for the streetcar and it's cold and wet and dark, and you're hungry and running late and you lean out and look to see if there's one coming and the idiot beside you leans out as well. Now you can't see anything, and we all know that unless you look about every 30 seconds, a streetcar will never show up. Just so you know, the guy behind you thinks you're the idiot.
Aquarius - So one day, you're travelling by bus, or train, or airplane; you're comfortably settled in and whether it's the air temperature, the dark outside the window, or the drone of the engine, you fall into a trance and dream the answer to all the world's problems. You awake to the realization that your triumphant "Eureka!" was actually shouted out loud and now your fellow passengers are staring at you.
Pisces - Do you know where the candles are? The power is going to be flickering for a bit - on/off/on/off - really annoying; you might as well just turn everything off and fire up some wax. Everybody and everything looks prettier by candle light. Faces glow, rooms look warmer, and it's really hard to see dirt. Plus, with no TV, no computer, no electric hum the voices might shut up long enough to let you get some sleep.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Blogoscopes Week of October 22nd to 29th, 2007
Aries - This week if you're late for stuff don't apologize and don't give reasons. Let people wonder what you were doing and where you've been; it has a huge cool factor.
Taurus - For the next few days please don't wear striped socks because if a house falls on you you'll look like the Wicked Witch of the West and I'm still creeped out by that visual.
Gemini - Finish your thoughts. When you start a sentence mid thought and then zoom off on random tangents people don't understand you, they're only nodding to be polite.
Cancer - It's really hard to catch a greased pig, which is part of the joy of the - I don't know do you call it a sport? - anyway as long as you don't expect results, just enjoy the game.
Leo - Bank loan or booty call, this is the time to be using other people's stuff; whether it's money or body parts they'll ante up. Careful, interest rates are high.
Virgo - Leather patches are not just for elbows anymore. You can sew them on pockets, knees, hats, even collars. Cut them in heart shapes before you start basting them on.
Libra - You know how sometimes airlines lose your luggage? Fly now and your luggage will get there and you'll be re-routed. Stop talking with your mouth full.
Scorpio - Geek is the new sexy. If ever anything pointed to a male dominated society this is it. The good news is that horn rims and a pocket protector can get you laid.
Sagittarius - What would happen to MarineLand if all the dolphins joined a meditation class? Flipper sits on the bottom of the pool blowing "om" shaped bubbles.
Capricorn - You find proof that the person in your mirror is not a reflection but an actual separate, living being. Either that or you're a vampire. Any way you can't see yourself.
Aquarius - You had too much to drink last night and woke up to a phone ringing and someone banging on the door. Time to scream "get lost" and go back to dreaming.
Pisces - You get a Halloween suggestion cause I know you need a little lead time. Dress up as Edgar Bergen and find somebody to sit on your lap and do your talking for you.
Taurus - For the next few days please don't wear striped socks because if a house falls on you you'll look like the Wicked Witch of the West and I'm still creeped out by that visual.
Gemini - Finish your thoughts. When you start a sentence mid thought and then zoom off on random tangents people don't understand you, they're only nodding to be polite.
Cancer - It's really hard to catch a greased pig, which is part of the joy of the - I don't know do you call it a sport? - anyway as long as you don't expect results, just enjoy the game.
Leo - Bank loan or booty call, this is the time to be using other people's stuff; whether it's money or body parts they'll ante up. Careful, interest rates are high.
Virgo - Leather patches are not just for elbows anymore. You can sew them on pockets, knees, hats, even collars. Cut them in heart shapes before you start basting them on.
Libra - You know how sometimes airlines lose your luggage? Fly now and your luggage will get there and you'll be re-routed. Stop talking with your mouth full.
Scorpio - Geek is the new sexy. If ever anything pointed to a male dominated society this is it. The good news is that horn rims and a pocket protector can get you laid.
Sagittarius - What would happen to MarineLand if all the dolphins joined a meditation class? Flipper sits on the bottom of the pool blowing "om" shaped bubbles.
Capricorn - You find proof that the person in your mirror is not a reflection but an actual separate, living being. Either that or you're a vampire. Any way you can't see yourself.
Aquarius - You had too much to drink last night and woke up to a phone ringing and someone banging on the door. Time to scream "get lost" and go back to dreaming.
Pisces - You get a Halloween suggestion cause I know you need a little lead time. Dress up as Edgar Bergen and find somebody to sit on your lap and do your talking for you.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Blogoscopes Week of October 15th to 22nd, 2007
Aries - Training wheels are a great thing. They give you the courage to try to do things you would otherwise never consider. The downside of them is that you're working with a net; you will never know the unparalleled thrill that comes from recklessly throwing yourself head first into something completely new with no regard for safety. Well there's no doubt that for you the ship has sailed on an opportunity or two, but hey, there are a whole bunch of unheard of mistakes ahead, just waiting for you to come along and make them! Take off the training wheels; because really, what's the worst that could happen?
Taurus - Say nightie night! I know, you're not tired and you're just going to finish this one teensy weensy little thing, but seriously - go to bed and go to sleep. Without sleep there are no dreams, and without dreams there is no chance that you will see those weird connections that your waking mind misses - like the resemblance between the biggest scariest thing on your mind and that giant purple giraffopotamus you were playing lacrosse with last night; both are weirdly surreal, but contain elements you recognize. Make a conscious effort to dream green hipporaffes and then watch how that impacts your reality.
Gemini - Does it feel as though the entire world is arrayed in formation against you? Are you beginning to get just a little bit paranoid about being all alone on your side of the fence? Before you get too carried away by your solitary plight, take a closer look around. Your peeps are all behind you, there are lights flashing all around you and there's a red carpet at your feet. Don't be scared, they just want to take your picture, maybe get an autograph, a sound bite, a smile and a wave. Don't mistake any of this for genuine affection but don't miss this opportunity. You're the flavour of the day so just enjoy it.
Cancer - If you were a Tarot card, this week you would be The Lovers. A handsome young man in medieval garb stands with a beautiful woman on each arm - two very different but equally desirable women. Get you mind out of your cod piece, this has nothing to do with that kind of love; it has to do with making a choice. Do you want the luxury sedan with the built in home theatre system, or do you want the shiny red convertible with the high end sports package? It's not a question of head says posh and heart says flash it's a question of head says "or", heart says "and". So here's where the love comes in....ignore your head, listen to your heart and have it all.
Leo - Can you imagine what it must be like for an actor who gives the performance of a lifetime, in a film that's released in February - and spends the next year listening to rumours of an Oscar nomination. It's got to be difficult to stay sane over the course of twelve months during which there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to influence the outcome. You either gave a winning performance or you didn't. What I think you should do is begin acting like a winner. Get you stylist to start putting together you awards night look and get on with your life. Your next role should be something daring that says you already know you're a winner.
Virgo - Here's a fun game for you. Pick your favourite letter (not D) from the 26 character Latin alphabet. Now, think of a word beginning with that letter that means drunk. Rat-assed, gunned and juiced come to mind. That was easy wasn't it? Know what? You could do that with each of the other letters of the alphabet and each of them would be just as simple. Maybe you should attempt the same thing with hangover cures; not so easy huh? I suggest that you start giving that second list some thought and perhaps even writing it down, so that when the spins hit you'll be ready. Sleeping this one off is not an option.
Libra - You have a reputation for being indecisive, but you don't really have any difficulty choosing, you just take your time, weigh all the factors and choose carefully. Sometimes though, you come across a situation where there are no factors; nothing solid on which to base a decision. In a case like this, there's little point in flipping a coin - best out of three, five, seven, nine - when do you stop? Instead, take a dozen eggs and go sit on the nearest ridgepole. One by one place each egg down and watch which way it rolls. Right or left, your choice is made by where the most eggs land. Don't worry you won't have to cheat on this one to get what you want.
Scorpio - So you accidentally confessed your shopaholia to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting and they laughed you out of the hall. Really not surprising, I mean what do a group of recovering heroin addicts have in common with someone who can't stop buying shoes? Shortly afterward you discovered you were in a synagogue when you stood up and hollered Hallelujah Jesus? Group dynamics can be difficult at the best of times and a shared interest or belief goes a long way toward oiling your social networks. This week you may be shocked or disappointed to discover the true nature of the gang you currently hang with.
Sagittarius - Last Christmas, someone you know gave you a membership to cheese of the week club and you hate cheese. For some unknown reason, instead of passing on these cheesy gifts to someone who might appreciate them, you've been stashing them in the linen closet. Christmas is coming around again in almost no time at all and you now have a cupboard overflowing with smelly, mouldy dairy products from around the world. Before you find yourself actually drowning in cheese, have a good clean out and get rid of it all. And for Pete's sake, tell your friend before they renew your subscription this year.
Capricorn - When you were a kid, did you like Hide and Seek? It's a great game if you're winning, but nothing sucks more than being IT. You close your eyes, count to 100 and let all of your playmates make themselves invisible. "Ready or not, here I come" sounds like a pretty flimsy threat to aim at people you can't even see. Then you have to tramp all over the place trying to find at least one of them so you don't have to be IT anymore. From a seeking point of view this game sucks. Luckily for you, your friends are all very predictable. You know exactly where each one is tucked away. Next, it's your turn to hide.
Aquarius - Dancing is fun isn't it? It's a much more interesting way to travel from point A to point B than just plain walking. Dancing can be free form, interpretive or highly structured with complicated patterns of steps or simple relaxed shuffling. The best part about dancing is that it's not linear. There is no finish line and the only goal in dancing is the dance itself. If you turn up the music and boogie on then the fact that your most recent progress has been two steps forward and one step back becomes far less annoying. Now you can choose to step forward, backward, right or left. Or stay in one place and pogo.
Pisces - Every body loves a good display of prestidigitation. We can call it magic, but we know that we're just being duped by a sleight of hand that tricks us into seeing nothing but what the performing artist wants us to see. And that's exactly how you need to go about accomplishing what you want to do. Make it look as though your putting all your energies into one thing when in reality you've got about six irons in the fire. One word of warning, don't waste this magical energy on the young or the innocent, because when you're only 3 (or really simple) a rabbit might as well come out of a hat as anywhere else.
Taurus - Say nightie night! I know, you're not tired and you're just going to finish this one teensy weensy little thing, but seriously - go to bed and go to sleep. Without sleep there are no dreams, and without dreams there is no chance that you will see those weird connections that your waking mind misses - like the resemblance between the biggest scariest thing on your mind and that giant purple giraffopotamus you were playing lacrosse with last night; both are weirdly surreal, but contain elements you recognize. Make a conscious effort to dream green hipporaffes and then watch how that impacts your reality.
Gemini - Does it feel as though the entire world is arrayed in formation against you? Are you beginning to get just a little bit paranoid about being all alone on your side of the fence? Before you get too carried away by your solitary plight, take a closer look around. Your peeps are all behind you, there are lights flashing all around you and there's a red carpet at your feet. Don't be scared, they just want to take your picture, maybe get an autograph, a sound bite, a smile and a wave. Don't mistake any of this for genuine affection but don't miss this opportunity. You're the flavour of the day so just enjoy it.
Cancer - If you were a Tarot card, this week you would be The Lovers. A handsome young man in medieval garb stands with a beautiful woman on each arm - two very different but equally desirable women. Get you mind out of your cod piece, this has nothing to do with that kind of love; it has to do with making a choice. Do you want the luxury sedan with the built in home theatre system, or do you want the shiny red convertible with the high end sports package? It's not a question of head says posh and heart says flash it's a question of head says "or", heart says "and". So here's where the love comes in....ignore your head, listen to your heart and have it all.
Leo - Can you imagine what it must be like for an actor who gives the performance of a lifetime, in a film that's released in February - and spends the next year listening to rumours of an Oscar nomination. It's got to be difficult to stay sane over the course of twelve months during which there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to influence the outcome. You either gave a winning performance or you didn't. What I think you should do is begin acting like a winner. Get you stylist to start putting together you awards night look and get on with your life. Your next role should be something daring that says you already know you're a winner.
Virgo - Here's a fun game for you. Pick your favourite letter (not D) from the 26 character Latin alphabet. Now, think of a word beginning with that letter that means drunk. Rat-assed, gunned and juiced come to mind. That was easy wasn't it? Know what? You could do that with each of the other letters of the alphabet and each of them would be just as simple. Maybe you should attempt the same thing with hangover cures; not so easy huh? I suggest that you start giving that second list some thought and perhaps even writing it down, so that when the spins hit you'll be ready. Sleeping this one off is not an option.
Libra - You have a reputation for being indecisive, but you don't really have any difficulty choosing, you just take your time, weigh all the factors and choose carefully. Sometimes though, you come across a situation where there are no factors; nothing solid on which to base a decision. In a case like this, there's little point in flipping a coin - best out of three, five, seven, nine - when do you stop? Instead, take a dozen eggs and go sit on the nearest ridgepole. One by one place each egg down and watch which way it rolls. Right or left, your choice is made by where the most eggs land. Don't worry you won't have to cheat on this one to get what you want.
Scorpio - So you accidentally confessed your shopaholia to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting and they laughed you out of the hall. Really not surprising, I mean what do a group of recovering heroin addicts have in common with someone who can't stop buying shoes? Shortly afterward you discovered you were in a synagogue when you stood up and hollered Hallelujah Jesus? Group dynamics can be difficult at the best of times and a shared interest or belief goes a long way toward oiling your social networks. This week you may be shocked or disappointed to discover the true nature of the gang you currently hang with.
Sagittarius - Last Christmas, someone you know gave you a membership to cheese of the week club and you hate cheese. For some unknown reason, instead of passing on these cheesy gifts to someone who might appreciate them, you've been stashing them in the linen closet. Christmas is coming around again in almost no time at all and you now have a cupboard overflowing with smelly, mouldy dairy products from around the world. Before you find yourself actually drowning in cheese, have a good clean out and get rid of it all. And for Pete's sake, tell your friend before they renew your subscription this year.
Capricorn - When you were a kid, did you like Hide and Seek? It's a great game if you're winning, but nothing sucks more than being IT. You close your eyes, count to 100 and let all of your playmates make themselves invisible. "Ready or not, here I come" sounds like a pretty flimsy threat to aim at people you can't even see. Then you have to tramp all over the place trying to find at least one of them so you don't have to be IT anymore. From a seeking point of view this game sucks. Luckily for you, your friends are all very predictable. You know exactly where each one is tucked away. Next, it's your turn to hide.
Aquarius - Dancing is fun isn't it? It's a much more interesting way to travel from point A to point B than just plain walking. Dancing can be free form, interpretive or highly structured with complicated patterns of steps or simple relaxed shuffling. The best part about dancing is that it's not linear. There is no finish line and the only goal in dancing is the dance itself. If you turn up the music and boogie on then the fact that your most recent progress has been two steps forward and one step back becomes far less annoying. Now you can choose to step forward, backward, right or left. Or stay in one place and pogo.
Pisces - Every body loves a good display of prestidigitation. We can call it magic, but we know that we're just being duped by a sleight of hand that tricks us into seeing nothing but what the performing artist wants us to see. And that's exactly how you need to go about accomplishing what you want to do. Make it look as though your putting all your energies into one thing when in reality you've got about six irons in the fire. One word of warning, don't waste this magical energy on the young or the innocent, because when you're only 3 (or really simple) a rabbit might as well come out of a hat as anywhere else.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Blogoscopes Week of October 8th to 15th, 2007
Aries - When you were just a little child, you asked your mommy what will I be? Will I be famous, will I be rich? Here's what she said to you: "How the hell should I know; what do you want to be?" So, no help there, and you started looking around to see who looked like an interesting role model. Wonder who Doris Day picked for hers? She was America's sweetheart for years and as an octogenarian is now an animal activist. So see, no matter what you choose to do you'll end up as a crazy cat lady! Que sera, sera.
Taurus - They say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. They also say that the end justifies the means. So you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. You've got to be really creative to pull off a good deed without suffering some dire consequences. There's a window of opportunity right now and a spotlight is shining on your benevolence. That light is bright enough to blind onlookers to any path leading up to or away from this moment; so grab the microphone and say your piece.
Gemini - Here's a good decorating tip. When you want to brighten up a dull, dark space, or pretty up a bland one, add a mirror, add crystal, add anything that sparkles and reflects. The same is true of a dull life; add a sparkling Gemini and everything looks much better. Someone in your life right now needs you to be their own personal disco ball. No reflection is needed, just be your usual lovely multi-faceted scintillating self and everyone will get everything they need.
Cancer - Seems like these days the cool thing to do is spend some time in rehab. It would be great if we all had a chance to spend a month someplace where we could rest, recuperate, meet new people and most of all learn how to care for our selves; especially if we could do it without having a substance abuse problem. In reality, all most of us need is a loving partner to hold our hands and lead us through and out of our darkest hour. Oh sure, people will still think you're crazy but as long as you're loved, who cares?
Leo - A lot of blood, sweat and toil goes into staging a successful rock and roll world tour; behind the scenes there are hours of physical labour moving the stuff all over the world, setting it up and tearing it down night after night; hard work it is but I'd be willing to bet that the pampered stars of the show aren't the only ones who find it difficult to go back to the everyday world. Even Sisyphus would miss his rock were he able to stop pushing it up that hill. I'll bet Mick and Keef wrote No Satisfaction at the end of a tour.
Virgo - Okay so you've turned on the TV and found yourself watching the last five minutes of some random cop show. The bad guy has his arm around the throat of some fainting lovely and he's holding a gun to her temple. There are at least six officers of the law all aiming their own weapons at this hapless criminal. Now imagine you are that hapless criminal. The good news is that you've got what it takes to talk them in to laying down their weapons and giving a you a head start. Duck and run!
Libra - Seems like everybody these days is looking for their fifteen minutes of fame and most of them aren't too fussy about how they get it. Average Janes and Joes invite camera crews to transmit their behaviour to homes all over the western world; said behaviour being frequently stupid, cowardly and base. Former celebrities, not content to languish out of the spotlight are now lining up for their opportunities to look ridiculous in front of the world. And the biggest question in your mind should be, why in the world would anybody want to be famous?
Scorpio - Everybody's talking about you. You are the newest, the brightest, the most interesting, the best. You've got it all, brains, beauty, talent and to top it all off you can make them laugh. There has never, in all the history of the world been anyone as wonderful, as multi-talented, as incredible, as you. Every word of this is true, and while you should keep it in mind, you must not let it go to your head. You will always be you; they are treating you like the flavour du jour. Don't fall for it.
Sagittarius - You're having a wonderful dream. You've cured cancer, ended world hunger, brought peace to the middle east, and figured out the Caramilk secret. Around the globe you are revered and loved; everywhere you go people strew riches and their first born children at your feet. The best part is that it was so easy. You can't understand why nobody saw it years ago and you are adorably humble about it all. Then the alarm goes off and you realize that you still haven't figured out how to get the stuck-on food off of your casserole dishes.
Capricorn - Oh hello, while I've got your attention can I just say that before you head off to your spiritual retreat you should double check your mailbox, because there's a very good chance that you really and truly have won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes. Every year, you have followed the contest rules, patiently fill out subscription forms to magazines you'll never read and sent in the responses well in advance of the deadlines; that commitment is about to pay off. Claim your prize now, or you'll come back to discover that your house sitter is a millionaire.
Aquarius - You know what it's like when your family doesn't like your lover and your lover hates your family? For some reason they seem to feel that messing with your head is the way to resolve their antipathy. So you've got two different factions using all their wily wiles to get you to see and do things the way they would like them to be. Who's got time for all this shit? Here's a thought - big mud pit, everybody in leotards, let them get in there and wrestle it out so you can just get on with your solo career.
Pisces - Did you know that a duck's quack doesn't echo and nobody can explain why this is? Which means that ducks are the only creatures on the face of the earth that can say anything and have it directly understood as it was spoken. Of course as far as we know duck's don't really have anything to say - at least not to us - so it's a shame that they and not humans, have been given this ability. Ducks are unlike humans in another way - their emotions don't infect their messages. Can you quack like a duck?
Taurus - They say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. They also say that the end justifies the means. So you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. You've got to be really creative to pull off a good deed without suffering some dire consequences. There's a window of opportunity right now and a spotlight is shining on your benevolence. That light is bright enough to blind onlookers to any path leading up to or away from this moment; so grab the microphone and say your piece.
Gemini - Here's a good decorating tip. When you want to brighten up a dull, dark space, or pretty up a bland one, add a mirror, add crystal, add anything that sparkles and reflects. The same is true of a dull life; add a sparkling Gemini and everything looks much better. Someone in your life right now needs you to be their own personal disco ball. No reflection is needed, just be your usual lovely multi-faceted scintillating self and everyone will get everything they need.
Cancer - Seems like these days the cool thing to do is spend some time in rehab. It would be great if we all had a chance to spend a month someplace where we could rest, recuperate, meet new people and most of all learn how to care for our selves; especially if we could do it without having a substance abuse problem. In reality, all most of us need is a loving partner to hold our hands and lead us through and out of our darkest hour. Oh sure, people will still think you're crazy but as long as you're loved, who cares?
Leo - A lot of blood, sweat and toil goes into staging a successful rock and roll world tour; behind the scenes there are hours of physical labour moving the stuff all over the world, setting it up and tearing it down night after night; hard work it is but I'd be willing to bet that the pampered stars of the show aren't the only ones who find it difficult to go back to the everyday world. Even Sisyphus would miss his rock were he able to stop pushing it up that hill. I'll bet Mick and Keef wrote No Satisfaction at the end of a tour.
Virgo - Okay so you've turned on the TV and found yourself watching the last five minutes of some random cop show. The bad guy has his arm around the throat of some fainting lovely and he's holding a gun to her temple. There are at least six officers of the law all aiming their own weapons at this hapless criminal. Now imagine you are that hapless criminal. The good news is that you've got what it takes to talk them in to laying down their weapons and giving a you a head start. Duck and run!
Libra - Seems like everybody these days is looking for their fifteen minutes of fame and most of them aren't too fussy about how they get it. Average Janes and Joes invite camera crews to transmit their behaviour to homes all over the western world; said behaviour being frequently stupid, cowardly and base. Former celebrities, not content to languish out of the spotlight are now lining up for their opportunities to look ridiculous in front of the world. And the biggest question in your mind should be, why in the world would anybody want to be famous?
Scorpio - Everybody's talking about you. You are the newest, the brightest, the most interesting, the best. You've got it all, brains, beauty, talent and to top it all off you can make them laugh. There has never, in all the history of the world been anyone as wonderful, as multi-talented, as incredible, as you. Every word of this is true, and while you should keep it in mind, you must not let it go to your head. You will always be you; they are treating you like the flavour du jour. Don't fall for it.
Sagittarius - You're having a wonderful dream. You've cured cancer, ended world hunger, brought peace to the middle east, and figured out the Caramilk secret. Around the globe you are revered and loved; everywhere you go people strew riches and their first born children at your feet. The best part is that it was so easy. You can't understand why nobody saw it years ago and you are adorably humble about it all. Then the alarm goes off and you realize that you still haven't figured out how to get the stuck-on food off of your casserole dishes.
Capricorn - Oh hello, while I've got your attention can I just say that before you head off to your spiritual retreat you should double check your mailbox, because there's a very good chance that you really and truly have won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes. Every year, you have followed the contest rules, patiently fill out subscription forms to magazines you'll never read and sent in the responses well in advance of the deadlines; that commitment is about to pay off. Claim your prize now, or you'll come back to discover that your house sitter is a millionaire.
Aquarius - You know what it's like when your family doesn't like your lover and your lover hates your family? For some reason they seem to feel that messing with your head is the way to resolve their antipathy. So you've got two different factions using all their wily wiles to get you to see and do things the way they would like them to be. Who's got time for all this shit? Here's a thought - big mud pit, everybody in leotards, let them get in there and wrestle it out so you can just get on with your solo career.
Pisces - Did you know that a duck's quack doesn't echo and nobody can explain why this is? Which means that ducks are the only creatures on the face of the earth that can say anything and have it directly understood as it was spoken. Of course as far as we know duck's don't really have anything to say - at least not to us - so it's a shame that they and not humans, have been given this ability. Ducks are unlike humans in another way - their emotions don't infect their messages. Can you quack like a duck?
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Blogoscopes, Week of October 1st to October 8th, 2007
Aries - When you were a kid and first learning to play the guitar everybody gave you a hard time about it - they complained about the noise, they told you that you sucked, they mocked you for your dream and they blocked you at every turn. They were also the first to call begging for backstage passes when you played Wembley Stadium. So, it's time for your high school reunion and this week you're playing to the home town crowd for the first time. Nothing has changed, they're just not saying it to your face.
Taurus - Hey did you know that Tony Robbins is coming to Toronto soon? Did you know he was still alive? Because I didn't. I mean I didn't really think he was dead but I'd forgotten that he was alive which is almost the same thing. Are people still joining his cult? What is it that he says that draws the crowds? Hey you know what, if this guy can still pack em in and make a decent living doing it, what's stopping you? If I had to choose a motivational speaker it would definitely be you. You have interesting things to say. Plus I know that you're alive.
Gemini - One man's trash is another man's treasure; an old saw that is amply demonstrated by that exclusively urban activity - garbage picking. It never fails to amaze me what people will decide to throw out on the curb on collection night. I've found furniture, stereos, and once, a gorgeous oriental carpet. The stereo worked, the furniture needed a coat of paint, but the carpet was a stained disaster. Broke my heart really, cause it was perfect for my room. Ah well, it just goes to show that what you love by moonlight is not always everything it seems.
Cancer - Some one's knocking on your front door, the phone is ringing, your cell is vibrating and your computer says you've got mail. It's really annoying but I'll tell you right now that ignoring all of it will not make any of it go away. You absolutely must respond, but keep in mind that "no comment" is a response: blocking e-mails is a response: slamming a door in some one's face is a response. Take a moment to reflect before you do respond because one of them you will want to actually talk to and you don't want to risk being unresponsive.
Leo - I'm going to recommend that you spend some time this week watching old cartoons. You know what Coyote & Roadrunner teach us - don't look down, don't buy from Acme, obsession is bad - but don't overlook the life lessons offered by other quirky animated characters. Bugs Bunny, Elmer Fudd, Porky Pig, Daffy Duck, Huckleberry Hound, Quick Draw McGraw and Yogi Bear - each represents a universal archetype, and, like the characters of a tarot deck, can lead you to enlightenment. It's like the dao of Booboo and Baba Looey.
Virgo - Reality makeover shows usually have nothing to do with reality. Pretty personalities invade the lives of sad and hapless losers looking for handouts. Home, wardrobe, life, loves, whatever it is they're re-making, in the end all that changes is the facade. A coat of paint and some new upholstery, make up and wardrobe, clean it all up and wave good bye. How long after the cameras are gone and the production team has driven away, does it all fall apart? Real change takes more than favours and freebies, it takes hard work and commitment.
Libra - Forget the fact that Paris Hilton's dog has been on the cover of People, seen more red carpet action than you ever will, and knows what Stavros Niarchos III looks like naked, Tinkerbell has also written a book! It kind of makes you wonder why any one would want to be famous. Really: you're fighting for market share with a chihuahua! Does that seem like a worthwhile life goal? You are really sparkly right now and well on your way to cover story status so I guess the only decision you have to make is whether you are carrying the rhinestone covered handbag or whether you're in it.
Scorpio - I tried to channel my inner Scorpio this week and ended up writing a lot of X-rated stuff. You are probably experiencing the exact same thing in a totally different way. So over the next few weeks I want you to turn on your inner spelling and grammar check and set your spam guard to high alert. Every time you sing a note, speak a word, write a sentence, or type an e-mail, I want you to take every precaution possible to make sure you get it right. I'm also giving you one more very powerful tool to help you avoid a tongue twisting travesty. If you want anybody to listen to a word you say, use it.
Sagittarius - What is success? Is it the mountaintop reached through hard work and struggle; or is achievement measured in floating clouds of dream fulfillment? Every body loves heart warming stories of people following dreams: it motivates them to invent dreams of their own to follow. But the point of following a true dream is that it has no purpose beyond itself - not wealth, not fame, not revenge. Which is why so many of them go off the rails. But not you; you follow your dream for it's own sake.
Capricorn - There are two schools of thought about what it takes to be a successful gambler: one says you need to know how much you can afford to lose and be ready to walk away: the other calls that loser thinking, and urges a go for broke attitude. I know which one you are - you're smart, your careful and so far, you're winning, but is now really the time to be counting chips? Just line up your troll doll, your Elvis snow-globe and your green rabbit's foot. Pull up your lucky underwear, and bet the whole enchilada.
Aquarius - Imagine what your life would be like if you were a raindrop. Check out that link, and then come back so that I can tell you that I wanted to use this as a way of showing you how connected everything is to everything else, and how every single step of the way is equally as important as the one before it and the one to come after: mostly, I want to show you that raindrops are neither rich nor poor, good nor evil: raindrops do not have degrees of beautiful: raindrops have one simple purpose.
Pisces - Go fly a kite! Seriously, you've got hold of the tail end of something that is taking off big time. Yes, the perfect sunny and airy conditions do seem to be prevailing, but a kite doesn't just get itself air borne now does it? You are going to have to carry that contraption to the top of the highest hill you can find, and then trot ahead of it for a few yards until it takes off. It will undoubtedly flap around in the breeze for a bit, but it's not an attempt to escape, just to discover its own flight pattern. Just hang on and keep your feet on the ground.
Taurus - Hey did you know that Tony Robbins is coming to Toronto soon? Did you know he was still alive? Because I didn't. I mean I didn't really think he was dead but I'd forgotten that he was alive which is almost the same thing. Are people still joining his cult? What is it that he says that draws the crowds? Hey you know what, if this guy can still pack em in and make a decent living doing it, what's stopping you? If I had to choose a motivational speaker it would definitely be you. You have interesting things to say. Plus I know that you're alive.
Gemini - One man's trash is another man's treasure; an old saw that is amply demonstrated by that exclusively urban activity - garbage picking. It never fails to amaze me what people will decide to throw out on the curb on collection night. I've found furniture, stereos, and once, a gorgeous oriental carpet. The stereo worked, the furniture needed a coat of paint, but the carpet was a stained disaster. Broke my heart really, cause it was perfect for my room. Ah well, it just goes to show that what you love by moonlight is not always everything it seems.
Cancer - Some one's knocking on your front door, the phone is ringing, your cell is vibrating and your computer says you've got mail. It's really annoying but I'll tell you right now that ignoring all of it will not make any of it go away. You absolutely must respond, but keep in mind that "no comment" is a response: blocking e-mails is a response: slamming a door in some one's face is a response. Take a moment to reflect before you do respond because one of them you will want to actually talk to and you don't want to risk being unresponsive.
Leo - I'm going to recommend that you spend some time this week watching old cartoons. You know what Coyote & Roadrunner teach us - don't look down, don't buy from Acme, obsession is bad - but don't overlook the life lessons offered by other quirky animated characters. Bugs Bunny, Elmer Fudd, Porky Pig, Daffy Duck, Huckleberry Hound, Quick Draw McGraw and Yogi Bear - each represents a universal archetype, and, like the characters of a tarot deck, can lead you to enlightenment. It's like the dao of Booboo and Baba Looey.
Virgo - Reality makeover shows usually have nothing to do with reality. Pretty personalities invade the lives of sad and hapless losers looking for handouts. Home, wardrobe, life, loves, whatever it is they're re-making, in the end all that changes is the facade. A coat of paint and some new upholstery, make up and wardrobe, clean it all up and wave good bye. How long after the cameras are gone and the production team has driven away, does it all fall apart? Real change takes more than favours and freebies, it takes hard work and commitment.
Libra - Forget the fact that Paris Hilton's dog has been on the cover of People, seen more red carpet action than you ever will, and knows what Stavros Niarchos III looks like naked, Tinkerbell has also written a book! It kind of makes you wonder why any one would want to be famous. Really: you're fighting for market share with a chihuahua! Does that seem like a worthwhile life goal? You are really sparkly right now and well on your way to cover story status so I guess the only decision you have to make is whether you are carrying the rhinestone covered handbag or whether you're in it.
Scorpio - I tried to channel my inner Scorpio this week and ended up writing a lot of X-rated stuff. You are probably experiencing the exact same thing in a totally different way. So over the next few weeks I want you to turn on your inner spelling and grammar check and set your spam guard to high alert. Every time you sing a note, speak a word, write a sentence, or type an e-mail, I want you to take every precaution possible to make sure you get it right. I'm also giving you one more very powerful tool to help you avoid a tongue twisting travesty. If you want anybody to listen to a word you say, use it.
Sagittarius - What is success? Is it the mountaintop reached through hard work and struggle; or is achievement measured in floating clouds of dream fulfillment? Every body loves heart warming stories of people following dreams: it motivates them to invent dreams of their own to follow. But the point of following a true dream is that it has no purpose beyond itself - not wealth, not fame, not revenge. Which is why so many of them go off the rails. But not you; you follow your dream for it's own sake.
Capricorn - There are two schools of thought about what it takes to be a successful gambler: one says you need to know how much you can afford to lose and be ready to walk away: the other calls that loser thinking, and urges a go for broke attitude. I know which one you are - you're smart, your careful and so far, you're winning, but is now really the time to be counting chips? Just line up your troll doll, your Elvis snow-globe and your green rabbit's foot. Pull up your lucky underwear, and bet the whole enchilada.
Aquarius - Imagine what your life would be like if you were a raindrop. Check out that link, and then come back so that I can tell you that I wanted to use this as a way of showing you how connected everything is to everything else, and how every single step of the way is equally as important as the one before it and the one to come after: mostly, I want to show you that raindrops are neither rich nor poor, good nor evil: raindrops do not have degrees of beautiful: raindrops have one simple purpose.
Pisces - Go fly a kite! Seriously, you've got hold of the tail end of something that is taking off big time. Yes, the perfect sunny and airy conditions do seem to be prevailing, but a kite doesn't just get itself air borne now does it? You are going to have to carry that contraption to the top of the highest hill you can find, and then trot ahead of it for a few yards until it takes off. It will undoubtedly flap around in the breeze for a bit, but it's not an attempt to escape, just to discover its own flight pattern. Just hang on and keep your feet on the ground.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Blogoscopes Week of September 24th to October 1st, 2007
Aries - Hearing voices is not just for crazy people any more. A surprising percentage of the so-called 'normal' population hear their names being called, instructions being given and many even hold conversations with people who aren't visible. Sometimes the voices are familiar and sometimes they're not. The frequency apparently increases as we age. Admitting this has not always carried the stigma of mental illness - in earlier times it was interpreted as a sign of demonic possession. A case of pick your poison. Listen well but be careful what you repeat.
Taurus - Know what's the best thing about the see-saw? When the right person is on the other end of that board the potential for fun on a fulcrum is limitless. The two of you can take turns lifting each other on high or balance so you're both in mid air. Trust in your playmate means you won't either get slammed to the ground or be left hanging. When you both play nice, the non-stop up and down is a lot of fun. Um, I said when you both play nice. Your attempt at being uplifting has turned into hanging someone up. It's time to get off your duff.
Gemini - In just a few short weeks, your ruler Mercury will once again go retrograde. Venus, the love of his life, will tell him that it just won't ever work between them, and that she's moving to Moscow to be closer to her true love Mars. Whatever bad news you receive now, it is definitely being over-dramatized, and nobody is able to clearly view the entire picture. My advice to you on dealing with this situation is to throw a party. It will help to pass the time while you wait for things to work themselves out - and they will, work themselves out.
Cancer - Last evening at a friend's studio opening, I got into a discussion about boots. My favourite boots are nearly ten years old and no longer particularly fashionable. They lace up to my knee - no zippers that's cheating - so they hug my legs. They have a soles like tractor treads so every step feels solid. Needless to say, they're black. They are so comfortable that I have actually slept in them! Okay, okay, passed out in them, but the point is, that it won't kill you to put something off until tomorrow. If you can't do that, then ask somebody to give you a hand.
Leo - You're not the biggest fan of winter. It's cold and damp; the lake is frozen; outdoor activities become problematic and; there's never enough daylight. But then, every once in a while, you get one of those perfect December days - you know, all sunshiny with a crisp blue sky and smooth tobogganing down slopes of fresh powdery snow. Get this picture in your head and keep it there over the days ahead. Not all winter is dark, and not all downhill is a crash - sometimes what looks really scary is truly fun and easy.
Virgo - Is guilt an emotion? In the sense of being hate turned inward, then yes it most certainly is an emotion. And, it's the one emotion that is, hopefully, susceptible to reason. So listen up - you are human: this is a learning experience: the curve is steep but you will make it. And the best thing is that you are moving toward a carrot, not ahead of a stick. It's all about future rewards not past punishments. Work is work, play is play and you need to participate in all of it fully, without hating yourself for the fun parts.
Libra - Sometimes it's incredibly difficult to get your point across. It's like sitting in the nosebleed seats at the Sky Dome and trying to call the play on the field. It's like being in the audience at The Price Is Right and shouting numbers at a stranger in contestant row. Even if you could make yourself heard, why should anybody believe you before anyone else in the screaming throng that surrounds you? Here's a hint: remember that you're talking down to someone. You need volume and attitude. Grab a megaphone and slap on a sneer.
Scorpio - All you vegetarians stick with me here because if you can't share the sentiment you are at least familiar with the concept: the perfect steak. It's thick and juicy, prepared to a degree that suits whatever your individual taste requires - well done, medium-well, medium, medium-rare, rare and blue rare. There's probably some aficionado out there who has names for at least two more degrees of done-ness between blue and raw, but that's the point isn't it? Life is a steak and should be served to suit you. So how would you like that cooked?
Sagittarius - Oscar Wilde has been quoted as saying he always carried his diary with him on his travels in case he needed something scandalous to read. You might want to think about doing something similar with your diary, if not for the scandal, then for a couple of very good reasons. It's a reminder of your past - helping you measure how far you've travelled toward your goals, reminding you who you used to be, who you are and who you want to be. It will also give you a good chance to do some editing with an eye to future publication.
Capricorn - So you got the middle seat, in the middle row. You're flanked on the right by a dentist from the mid-west, his alcoholic wife and spaced out kids and on the left by a Heavy Metal cover band with rock star pretensions. The flight attendants are avoiding eye contact, which sucks cause you could really use a drink. Hey, psst! Remember, two seats to the right there's an alcoholic! And I'm sure somebody in this row could roll you a joint if needed. Being stuck in the middle doesn't mean you can't have fun.
Aquarius - Anticipation is a wonderful spice. By the time you get around to any actual experience, your senses are so cranked up with waiting that when it finally occurs, every aspect of it is heightened. Of course Anticipation has a twin sister named Dread, who creates a similar, although less salubrious effect. Either one can get you so carried away that reality is reduced to something that is rapidly disappearing in the rear view mirror. Write your name and address in your undies and drop some breadcrumbs if you ever want to find you way back to Earth.
Pisces - Home staging improves your chances of a quick and profitable turn over when it comes to real estate. An entire television genre has sprung up around this idea. It's easy to get caught up in the pretty decorator-ness of it all but in reality what home staging does, is imply the kind of lifestyle that prospective buyers want. It works for more than real estate. If you want people to buy into your latest idea, you are going to have to dress it up real nice and make it sparkle. That way everybody will want what you've got.
Taurus - Know what's the best thing about the see-saw? When the right person is on the other end of that board the potential for fun on a fulcrum is limitless. The two of you can take turns lifting each other on high or balance so you're both in mid air. Trust in your playmate means you won't either get slammed to the ground or be left hanging. When you both play nice, the non-stop up and down is a lot of fun. Um, I said when you both play nice. Your attempt at being uplifting has turned into hanging someone up. It's time to get off your duff.
Gemini - In just a few short weeks, your ruler Mercury will once again go retrograde. Venus, the love of his life, will tell him that it just won't ever work between them, and that she's moving to Moscow to be closer to her true love Mars. Whatever bad news you receive now, it is definitely being over-dramatized, and nobody is able to clearly view the entire picture. My advice to you on dealing with this situation is to throw a party. It will help to pass the time while you wait for things to work themselves out - and they will, work themselves out.
Cancer - Last evening at a friend's studio opening, I got into a discussion about boots. My favourite boots are nearly ten years old and no longer particularly fashionable. They lace up to my knee - no zippers that's cheating - so they hug my legs. They have a soles like tractor treads so every step feels solid. Needless to say, they're black. They are so comfortable that I have actually slept in them! Okay, okay, passed out in them, but the point is, that it won't kill you to put something off until tomorrow. If you can't do that, then ask somebody to give you a hand.
Leo - You're not the biggest fan of winter. It's cold and damp; the lake is frozen; outdoor activities become problematic and; there's never enough daylight. But then, every once in a while, you get one of those perfect December days - you know, all sunshiny with a crisp blue sky and smooth tobogganing down slopes of fresh powdery snow. Get this picture in your head and keep it there over the days ahead. Not all winter is dark, and not all downhill is a crash - sometimes what looks really scary is truly fun and easy.
Virgo - Is guilt an emotion? In the sense of being hate turned inward, then yes it most certainly is an emotion. And, it's the one emotion that is, hopefully, susceptible to reason. So listen up - you are human: this is a learning experience: the curve is steep but you will make it. And the best thing is that you are moving toward a carrot, not ahead of a stick. It's all about future rewards not past punishments. Work is work, play is play and you need to participate in all of it fully, without hating yourself for the fun parts.
Libra - Sometimes it's incredibly difficult to get your point across. It's like sitting in the nosebleed seats at the Sky Dome and trying to call the play on the field. It's like being in the audience at The Price Is Right and shouting numbers at a stranger in contestant row. Even if you could make yourself heard, why should anybody believe you before anyone else in the screaming throng that surrounds you? Here's a hint: remember that you're talking down to someone. You need volume and attitude. Grab a megaphone and slap on a sneer.
Scorpio - All you vegetarians stick with me here because if you can't share the sentiment you are at least familiar with the concept: the perfect steak. It's thick and juicy, prepared to a degree that suits whatever your individual taste requires - well done, medium-well, medium, medium-rare, rare and blue rare. There's probably some aficionado out there who has names for at least two more degrees of done-ness between blue and raw, but that's the point isn't it? Life is a steak and should be served to suit you. So how would you like that cooked?
Sagittarius - Oscar Wilde has been quoted as saying he always carried his diary with him on his travels in case he needed something scandalous to read. You might want to think about doing something similar with your diary, if not for the scandal, then for a couple of very good reasons. It's a reminder of your past - helping you measure how far you've travelled toward your goals, reminding you who you used to be, who you are and who you want to be. It will also give you a good chance to do some editing with an eye to future publication.
Capricorn - So you got the middle seat, in the middle row. You're flanked on the right by a dentist from the mid-west, his alcoholic wife and spaced out kids and on the left by a Heavy Metal cover band with rock star pretensions. The flight attendants are avoiding eye contact, which sucks cause you could really use a drink. Hey, psst! Remember, two seats to the right there's an alcoholic! And I'm sure somebody in this row could roll you a joint if needed. Being stuck in the middle doesn't mean you can't have fun.
Aquarius - Anticipation is a wonderful spice. By the time you get around to any actual experience, your senses are so cranked up with waiting that when it finally occurs, every aspect of it is heightened. Of course Anticipation has a twin sister named Dread, who creates a similar, although less salubrious effect. Either one can get you so carried away that reality is reduced to something that is rapidly disappearing in the rear view mirror. Write your name and address in your undies and drop some breadcrumbs if you ever want to find you way back to Earth.
Pisces - Home staging improves your chances of a quick and profitable turn over when it comes to real estate. An entire television genre has sprung up around this idea. It's easy to get caught up in the pretty decorator-ness of it all but in reality what home staging does, is imply the kind of lifestyle that prospective buyers want. It works for more than real estate. If you want people to buy into your latest idea, you are going to have to dress it up real nice and make it sparkle. That way everybody will want what you've got.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Blogoscopes, Week of September 17 to 24, 2007
Aries - While the cat's away, the mice will play - an old adage that could be the tag line for most teen movies; Mom and Dad go away, leaving you, earnestly determined to be good, alone and in charge of the house, the car, and the dog. You fall prey to wily and unethical forces that overrun your home and threaten to get you grounded. You will get away with this party, but when it comes to clean up, you will also be on your own.
Taurus – You know they say that saving a drowning person may be the hardest type of rescue to pull off....believe it or not drowning people often fight to get away from their would be heroes. You're advised to throw them a rope or hand them a pole or do just about anything but touch them. Otherwise you run the risk of going down with them. You're a hands on kinda person though so I advise you to take another path - knock them unconscious and drag them to shore.
Gemini - You are normally a fine juggler but lately your left hand hasn't known what your right was doing and you've been shy of tossing anything up in case you can't catch it. Well the good news is that this week the gravity gets turned off and you'll get all four hands back in sync. The down side is that you can't decide whether to go back to flinging apples, bowling balls or flaming chainsaws. What the heck, why not try one of each?
Cancer – Once in a while we are wise take our selves through the process of weeding out. We get rid of the things that are only taking up space in our lives; clothes we’ve outgrown, books we’ll never read again, records we haven’t listened to in years. Most often the hardest things to lose are not things but thoughts. Spend the next few days in the basement of your memories, but prepare to let some of it go.
Leo - I had a dream the other night that you were a scientist - not world re-knowned or even very well funded, but passionate about your research and determined to be true to your calling. After many many hours spent in the lab performing painstaking research and complicated tests, you finally reached your goal and were finally able to prove that bacon is the cure for all the ills of the world. In my dream you won the Nobel Prize for everything including awesomeness.
Virgo - You have worked hard to mold the raw material of your world into the tone poem that is now your life. Yours is a habitat of soft colours, pleasing shapes, and clean lines. So what the f@*# is up with the new neighbours and their orange house? It's in your face every time you walk out your front door. The previously serene glow of your evenings now resembles the aftermath of a nuclear mushroom cloud. You can't make it go away, but you can pull the blinds and use the back door.
Libra - Here's a new game I'd like you to try. First, write a Resume for the person you believe you self to be. List the experience, education and past success or failure that has led you to become who you are today. Now use bold, italic, and colour to format it so that it highlights the areas you're proudest of; the ones you want others to notice first. Next, change the default language setting on your computer and run spell check. Talk about seeing your self from a whole new perspective!
Scorpio – Sometimes on a weekend, I’ll stay in the house, reading, writing, painting, sleeping, and eating without ever setting foot outside of the condo or speaking to another living being. It can be really difficult to get back into the world on Monday morning and I frequently find myself completely unable to utter a word until after my second cup of coffee. And you know what? It’s okay to let everybody else carry the conversation for a while.
Sagittarius – Apparently the Hug Shirt is about to hit stores. The concept boggles my mind. Ideally there are two shirts – one for you and the other for the object of our affection. Then, through the magic of blue tooth you can use your cell phone to digitally transmit a hug to your partner’s shirt. Ahhhhh, how sweet! The opportunities for abuse are endless but if I were you I’d make sure my own number was the only one on speed dial.
Capricorn – It’s sometimes tricky to distinguish the difference between passionate focus and down right madness. The message is often more important than the expression but not always. For instance, say Gandhi and Tom Cruise exchanged M.O.’s and one ranted about peace while the other starved for love – which one would be more credible, and which one would you believe?
Aquarius – I used to have a friend who had a rural address and the first time I visited, the directions were to drive south on Highbury and turn left at the cows. Said bovines inhabited one spot from about 7am to 4pm every day and I was dropping by for a late dinner. I was very hungry by the time I arrived. So what does this mean to you? Forget about the cows and look for an actual landmark.
Pisces – Did you know that hamsters are all world class athletes? Yup; you think they just run around on those wheels because they’re stupid but guinea pigs and gerbils aren’t geniuses and they don’t run on wheels. So, how come you’ve never heard of a famous hamster marathoner? Performance anxiety – they over rehearse and lose all confidence. Don’t be a hamster.
Taurus – You know they say that saving a drowning person may be the hardest type of rescue to pull off....believe it or not drowning people often fight to get away from their would be heroes. You're advised to throw them a rope or hand them a pole or do just about anything but touch them. Otherwise you run the risk of going down with them. You're a hands on kinda person though so I advise you to take another path - knock them unconscious and drag them to shore.
Gemini - You are normally a fine juggler but lately your left hand hasn't known what your right was doing and you've been shy of tossing anything up in case you can't catch it. Well the good news is that this week the gravity gets turned off and you'll get all four hands back in sync. The down side is that you can't decide whether to go back to flinging apples, bowling balls or flaming chainsaws. What the heck, why not try one of each?
Cancer – Once in a while we are wise take our selves through the process of weeding out. We get rid of the things that are only taking up space in our lives; clothes we’ve outgrown, books we’ll never read again, records we haven’t listened to in years. Most often the hardest things to lose are not things but thoughts. Spend the next few days in the basement of your memories, but prepare to let some of it go.
Leo - I had a dream the other night that you were a scientist - not world re-knowned or even very well funded, but passionate about your research and determined to be true to your calling. After many many hours spent in the lab performing painstaking research and complicated tests, you finally reached your goal and were finally able to prove that bacon is the cure for all the ills of the world. In my dream you won the Nobel Prize for everything including awesomeness.
Virgo - You have worked hard to mold the raw material of your world into the tone poem that is now your life. Yours is a habitat of soft colours, pleasing shapes, and clean lines. So what the f@*# is up with the new neighbours and their orange house? It's in your face every time you walk out your front door. The previously serene glow of your evenings now resembles the aftermath of a nuclear mushroom cloud. You can't make it go away, but you can pull the blinds and use the back door.
Libra - Here's a new game I'd like you to try. First, write a Resume for the person you believe you self to be. List the experience, education and past success or failure that has led you to become who you are today. Now use bold, italic, and colour to format it so that it highlights the areas you're proudest of; the ones you want others to notice first. Next, change the default language setting on your computer and run spell check. Talk about seeing your self from a whole new perspective!
Scorpio – Sometimes on a weekend, I’ll stay in the house, reading, writing, painting, sleeping, and eating without ever setting foot outside of the condo or speaking to another living being. It can be really difficult to get back into the world on Monday morning and I frequently find myself completely unable to utter a word until after my second cup of coffee. And you know what? It’s okay to let everybody else carry the conversation for a while.
Sagittarius – Apparently the Hug Shirt is about to hit stores. The concept boggles my mind. Ideally there are two shirts – one for you and the other for the object of our affection. Then, through the magic of blue tooth you can use your cell phone to digitally transmit a hug to your partner’s shirt. Ahhhhh, how sweet! The opportunities for abuse are endless but if I were you I’d make sure my own number was the only one on speed dial.
Capricorn – It’s sometimes tricky to distinguish the difference between passionate focus and down right madness. The message is often more important than the expression but not always. For instance, say Gandhi and Tom Cruise exchanged M.O.’s and one ranted about peace while the other starved for love – which one would be more credible, and which one would you believe?
Aquarius – I used to have a friend who had a rural address and the first time I visited, the directions were to drive south on Highbury and turn left at the cows. Said bovines inhabited one spot from about 7am to 4pm every day and I was dropping by for a late dinner. I was very hungry by the time I arrived. So what does this mean to you? Forget about the cows and look for an actual landmark.
Pisces – Did you know that hamsters are all world class athletes? Yup; you think they just run around on those wheels because they’re stupid but guinea pigs and gerbils aren’t geniuses and they don’t run on wheels. So, how come you’ve never heard of a famous hamster marathoner? Performance anxiety – they over rehearse and lose all confidence. Don’t be a hamster.
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