Blogoscopes, Week of September 17 to 24, 2007

Aries - While the cat's away, the mice will play - an old adage that could be the tag line for most teen movies; Mom and Dad go away, leaving you, earnestly determined to be good, alone and in charge of the house, the car, and the dog. You fall prey to wily and unethical forces that overrun your home and threaten to get you grounded. You will get away with this party, but when it comes to clean up, you will also be on your own.

Taurus – You know they say that saving a drowning person may be the hardest type of rescue to pull off....believe it or not drowning people often fight to get away from their would be heroes. You're advised to throw them a rope or hand them a pole or do just about anything but touch them. Otherwise you run the risk of going down with them. You're a hands on kinda person though so I advise you to take another path - knock them unconscious and drag them to shore.

Gemini - You are normally a fine juggler but lately your left hand hasn't known what your right was doing and you've been shy of tossing anything up in case you can't catch it. Well the good news is that this week the gravity gets turned off and you'll get all four hands back in sync. The down side is that you can't decide whether to go back to flinging apples, bowling balls or flaming chainsaws. What the heck, why not try one of each?

Cancer – Once in a while we are wise take our selves through the process of weeding out. We get rid of the things that are only taking up space in our lives; clothes we’ve outgrown, books we’ll never read again, records we haven’t listened to in years. Most often the hardest things to lose are not things but thoughts. Spend the next few days in the basement of your memories, but prepare to let some of it go.

Leo - I had a dream the other night that you were a scientist - not world re-knowned or even very well funded, but passionate about your research and determined to be true to your calling. After many many hours spent in the lab performing painstaking research and complicated tests, you finally reached your goal and were finally able to prove that bacon is the cure for all the ills of the world. In my dream you won the Nobel Prize for everything including awesomeness.

Virgo - You have worked hard to mold the raw material of your world into the tone poem that is now your life. Yours is a habitat of soft colours, pleasing shapes, and clean lines. So what the f@*# is up with the new neighbours and their orange house? It's in your face every time you walk out your front door. The previously serene glow of your evenings now resembles the aftermath of a nuclear mushroom cloud. You can't make it go away, but you can pull the blinds and use the back door.

Libra - Here's a new game I'd like you to try. First, write a Resume for the person you believe you self to be. List the experience, education and past success or failure that has led you to become who you are today. Now use bold, italic, and colour to format it so that it highlights the areas you're proudest of; the ones you want others to notice first. Next, change the default language setting on your computer and run spell check. Talk about seeing your self from a whole new perspective!

Scorpio – Sometimes on a weekend, I’ll stay in the house, reading, writing, painting, sleeping, and eating without ever setting foot outside of the condo or speaking to another living being. It can be really difficult to get back into the world on Monday morning and I frequently find myself completely unable to utter a word until after my second cup of coffee. And you know what? It’s okay to let everybody else carry the conversation for a while.

Sagittarius – Apparently the Hug Shirt is about to hit stores. The concept boggles my mind. Ideally there are two shirts – one for you and the other for the object of our affection. Then, through the magic of blue tooth you can use your cell phone to digitally transmit a hug to your partner’s shirt. Ahhhhh, how sweet! The opportunities for abuse are endless but if I were you I’d make sure my own number was the only one on speed dial.

Capricorn – It’s sometimes tricky to distinguish the difference between passionate focus and down right madness. The message is often more important than the expression but not always. For instance, say Gandhi and Tom Cruise exchanged M.O.’s and one ranted about peace while the other starved for love – which one would be more credible, and which one would you believe?

Aquarius – I used to have a friend who had a rural address and the first time I visited, the directions were to drive south on Highbury and turn left at the cows. Said bovines inhabited one spot from about 7am to 4pm every day and I was dropping by for a late dinner. I was very hungry by the time I arrived. So what does this mean to you? Forget about the cows and look for an actual landmark.

Pisces – Did you know that hamsters are all world class athletes? Yup; you think they just run around on those wheels because they’re stupid but guinea pigs and gerbils aren’t geniuses and they don’t run on wheels. So, how come you’ve never heard of a famous hamster marathoner? Performance anxiety – they over rehearse and lose all confidence. Don’t be a hamster.