Blogoscopes Week of September 3rd to September 10th, 2007

Aries - Imagine that you are stranded on an island all alone. You have food, shelter, fresh water; the climate is temperate, the sea is clear and serene and everywhere you look you see lush greenery, exotic flowers and strange birds and animals - animals that have never before seen a human and are not at all afraid of you. Which is a good thing because you're stuck here for a while and you can't always be talking to yourself. Who knows, maybe you can learn their language; or you can teach them yours. Communicate any way you want.

Taurus - You know how whenever a teacher asks if anyone has any more questions, seventy-five percent of students will hold their breath, avoid eye contact and pray that no one does. Well anyway at least 75% of the people I know would. The other 25% is comprised mainly of Taureans. In an ideal world everybody would be clamoring for knowledge and hanging around after class but in this one can we just agree that the extra curricular stuff is your job and you can catch us all up over a beer later on?

Gemini - Often if we go to bed with pressing issues on our mind, the answer to whatever predicament we face will come to us in the form of a dream. Sometimes, solutions appear to us fully formed; other times they provide clues to a puzzle that must be solved. With the right know-how we are capable of having a dialogue with our unconscious. You should write these things down immediately - they provide clues to the waking world. Although, this morning my dream diary said potato boat so I guess not everything has a deeper meaning.

Cancer - So you're travelling in a country where they don't speak your language and you don't understand theirs. Now, I know that it may be a little expensive to hire an interpreter, but don't you think you should at least consider a phrase book? Your idea of enrolling in immersion classes after your return is an interesting approach, but it's hardly going to help you get a cup of coffee now is it? Charades will go a long way toward facilitating communication, but maybe you should just stop asking for stuff, relax and see what the natives bring you.

Leo - Humans communicate in a variety of different ways - words, visual images, music, body language, and, louder than all others, actions. The things we do speak volumes about who we are, and, unlike words, our actions are less equivocal; less likely to be misinterpreted. So, don't trust the message of your heart to dodgey poetry, mucky paintings or interpretive dance. Now is the time for the magnificent gesture. Skywriting perhaps? Something that gets you on the Jumbo-tron? It's all about drama so let your creative juices flow.

Virgo - You know that old Abbott and Costello routine? Who's on first yada, yada, yada...? Stupidest thing I ever heard. The mis-communications that happen in real life are far subtler and twice as funny; some of it will even stay fresh and amusing over several repetitions. After a while, however, these personal malapropisms become stale and cliche; sometimes they even lose their meaning. Keep an eye on your audience this week. Are they still laughing or do they look confused and pitying? Maybe you should consider hiring a press secretary.

Libra - Yesterday I was sipping a glass of sauvignon blanc and when the server asked how it was I said 'gorgeous'. He thought that was a great word. It's just the latest in a long line of superlatives that I've adopted over time; like verbal ticks that describe my world. For a while everything will be gorgeous, and then fantastic, and then amazing, and then stunning and then brilliant, and then maybe back to gorgeous....and my point is, maybe you and I both need to find new words - words that still have meaning - to describe the good things in life.

Scorpio - Everyone hears a voice in their head; whether they admit it, or are even aware of it, the voice is there. It doesn't mean you're crazy, it does not mean you're sick, and you don't need treatment. Now if there are multiple voices, or if the voices start telling you to do stuff you might want to rethink treatment. Not pills, electro-shock or substance abuse, but you might want to consider therapy - not for you but for your voices. Listen to them, let them talk it out, but don't talk back. Remember no one else can hear them, people will think you're crazy.

Sagittarius - Is it possible to walk down the street while you're laughing really, really, hard? Imagine being hit with a fit of the giggles as you climb the stairs - how far would you make it? Roaring, howling, guffawing, hooting, snorting, pissing yourself, laughing your head off...all of these things I think would slow, if not stop any progress you might make in any one particular direction. And is that such a bad thing? Life has a funny old way of making us slow down and there are worse ways to do it then making you laugh.

Capricorn - You're in a Steeler's Wheel kind of place; stuck in the middle - of a stampeding herd of buffalo and a cliff. It's the proverbial disaster sandwich with you as filling. Now would maybe be a good time to take up hang gliding, or base jumping, or even pearl diving; doesn't really matter what it is or whether you're prepared for it or not; the buffalo aren't stopping, the cliff isn't moving and you are going to arrive at that brink sooner or later and the choice will have to be made in a heartbeat - don't be scared, just be ready.

Aquarius - Apparently, psychic crime investigators are a very hot item these days, if the number of TV shows dealing with the subject are any indication. I blame it on Uranus in Pisces. The concept of being able to see the future, to have access to special knowledge, to be able to see the 'truth' about things, about people, is a very seductive one. If I were you I wouldn't go changing my career just yet, even though you do have a very special vision and you'd make a fine detective. You just have not yet mastered your medium (teehee).

Pisces - One of the most ridiculous trends in reality TV has got to be the rash of diet shows; obese men and women struggling with their weight in full view of the North American viewing public. Oh sure, they pretend that they do it to be an encouraging role model for others but is that honestly it? Isn't the reality, that this is their way to get attention? to get famous? So do you want to be famous? I'm not saying you need to diet, I'm just saying it's that simple. Decide what the world would want to watch you doing, and do it.