Blogoscopes Week of September 10th to 17th 2007

Aries - So you're making a movie; an action movie. It has a cast of several, and you're playing all of the roles. You will don a variety of costumes, wigs and even prosthetic noses - cross dressing will feature prominently and you will play the hero, the dame, the ingenue, the sidekick, the villain, the weapons expert and the computer geek. If you instantly think Eddie Murphy, wash your brain out with bubble bath. You're not just playing these roles, you're recreating them.

Taurus - Did you ever buy something, get it home and then discover that it wasn't at all what you thought it was? I'm not talking about black in one light and navy in another, I'm talking about shelling out big bucks for a new sofa and waking up to discover an accordion nestled in your bay window. Say you did, would you try to return the accordion? If your answer is yes, where would you take it back to? The sofa store? What would happen if you kept it?

Gemini - When we're little, we ask questions all the time about everything - the favourite usually being "Why"? It's cute when we're young but then our curiosity is forced into proscribed channels and even outright discouraged as we grow older; which is a shame, not only because it can make us complaisant, but because it stops us from learning about the things we love. What kinds of questions are you asking right now?

Cancer - Here's a crazy idea....step one - take out a bank loan; step two - get to the nearest casino; step three - gamble! Kidding! All the signs say you can't lose right now, but this probably isn't the type of risk you want to be taking. What you should consider doing is closing your eyes, taking a deep breath, and opening your heart. This is the nearest you'll get to an ironclad guarantee in life so take your best shot.

Leo - You have now successfully navigated your own personal Scylla and Caribdus. You may be battered, you may be bruised, but you survived, with most of your crew intact. By all means, tend to your wounds - they'll ache for a short while to come - but please don't forget to make some time, take a step back and really look at what you've become. Sometimes you can find beauty in the strangest places. Go ahead and admire your self.

Virgo - It's back to school time and you're going into your sophomore year. You won't have the humiliating initiation rituals to get through. You already know people and you could find your way around, blindfolded. This does not make you exempt from the critical scrutiny of your peers. It will soon be time for the fall talent show and you had better make sure that you've got your act together, as well as costume, makeup and props.

Libra - I probably shouldn't tell you this - it's a plot device in my novel - but I once worked in a restaurant with a long S-curved wall that created a weird sound trap for any conversations held in one specific area of the bar, fifteen feet away. It wasn't an echo; it sounded eerily as though the speakers were whispering in your ear. Every word was clear as a bell. I could never easily warn clients at the bar, but I can warn you - duck!

Scorpio - At least once a day I stop to consider the lemming. Guess what? They DON'T mindlessly commit annual mass suicide; which is a big weight off my mind. What actually happens is the natural depredation that follows a growth spurt - in any species. So, you're going off the cliff no matter what, but it's a short drop. It should administer a jolt sharp enough to wake you up without making your whole life flash before your eyes.

Sagittarius - I don't know if you've made out your will or not, but if you have or if you're considering it, here's a suggestion; don't leave your treasure map to anyone!!! For one thing, that's your treasure and never meant for anyone else's enjoyment; for another, letting someone know that they'll profit from your death is soooo not a good idea. You still need a map though, cause your goodies are buried deep and you know what your memory is like.

Capricorn - You find a lottery ticket on the floor of the cab on your way home from a party this week, and it turns out to be a winner. You want to wait a while before you turn in that ticket and claim your prize. You're afraid someone else will step forward with a story about a lost winning ticket, and more than a little concerned about who will come knocking for a loan. For now, just savour what it feels like to know that you're already really rich.

Aquarius - How cool would it be to be Barbie? You'd be a style icon, a valuable collectible, the subject of heated feminist debate - so, life as usual, but if you were Barbie you could be all that and have a giant corporation constantly working to make you even more appealing and to give you all the toys, trinkets and glam clothes you could ever want. Insert universe for corporation and here are the keys to your Barbie Dream House.

Pisces - Gulliver's Travels is a satire of incredible subtlety written by Jonathan Swift - which you don't really need to know to be aware that for part of his journey Gulliver was larger than everyone else and for another part he was smaller than everyone else - extremes of relative power. You know that feeling and you also know that it is equally difficult to be the biggest person or the smallest. This week, negotiate your middle way.