Blogoscopes Week of October 8th to 15th, 2007

Aries - When you were just a little child, you asked your mommy what will I be? Will I be famous, will I be rich? Here's what she said to you: "How the hell should I know; what do you want to be?" So, no help there, and you started looking around to see who looked like an interesting role model. Wonder who Doris Day picked for hers? She was America's sweetheart for years and as an octogenarian is now an animal activist. So see, no matter what you choose to do you'll end up as a crazy cat lady! Que sera, sera.

Taurus - They say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. They also say that the end justifies the means. So you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. You've got to be really creative to pull off a good deed without suffering some dire consequences. There's a window of opportunity right now and a spotlight is shining on your benevolence. That light is bright enough to blind onlookers to any path leading up to or away from this moment; so grab the microphone and say your piece.

Gemini - Here's a good decorating tip. When you want to brighten up a dull, dark space, or pretty up a bland one, add a mirror, add crystal, add anything that sparkles and reflects. The same is true of a dull life; add a sparkling Gemini and everything looks much better. Someone in your life right now needs you to be their own personal disco ball. No reflection is needed, just be your usual lovely multi-faceted scintillating self and everyone will get everything they need.

Cancer - Seems like these days the cool thing to do is spend some time in rehab. It would be great if we all had a chance to spend a month someplace where we could rest, recuperate, meet new people and most of all learn how to care for our selves; especially if we could do it without having a substance abuse problem. In reality, all most of us need is a loving partner to hold our hands and lead us through and out of our darkest hour. Oh sure, people will still think you're crazy but as long as you're loved, who cares?

Leo - A lot of blood, sweat and toil goes into staging a successful rock and roll world tour; behind the scenes there are hours of physical labour moving the stuff all over the world, setting it up and tearing it down night after night; hard work it is but I'd be willing to bet that the pampered stars of the show aren't the only ones who find it difficult to go back to the everyday world. Even Sisyphus would miss his rock were he able to stop pushing it up that hill. I'll bet Mick and Keef wrote No Satisfaction at the end of a tour.

Virgo - Okay so you've turned on the TV and found yourself watching the last five minutes of some random cop show. The bad guy has his arm around the throat of some fainting lovely and he's holding a gun to her temple. There are at least six officers of the law all aiming their own weapons at this hapless criminal. Now imagine you are that hapless criminal. The good news is that you've got what it takes to talk them in to laying down their weapons and giving a you a head start. Duck and run!

Libra - Seems like everybody these days is looking for their fifteen minutes of fame and most of them aren't too fussy about how they get it. Average Janes and Joes invite camera crews to transmit their behaviour to homes all over the western world; said behaviour being frequently stupid, cowardly and base. Former celebrities, not content to languish out of the spotlight are now lining up for their opportunities to look ridiculous in front of the world. And the biggest question in your mind should be, why in the world would anybody want to be famous?

Scorpio - Everybody's talking about you. You are the newest, the brightest, the most interesting, the best. You've got it all, brains, beauty, talent and to top it all off you can make them laugh. There has never, in all the history of the world been anyone as wonderful, as multi-talented, as incredible, as you. Every word of this is true, and while you should keep it in mind, you must not let it go to your head. You will always be you; they are treating you like the flavour du jour. Don't fall for it.

Sagittarius - You're having a wonderful dream. You've cured cancer, ended world hunger, brought peace to the middle east, and figured out the Caramilk secret. Around the globe you are revered and loved; everywhere you go people strew riches and their first born children at your feet. The best part is that it was so easy. You can't understand why nobody saw it years ago and you are adorably humble about it all. Then the alarm goes off and you realize that you still haven't figured out how to get the stuck-on food off of your casserole dishes.

Capricorn - Oh hello, while I've got your attention can I just say that before you head off to your spiritual retreat you should double check your mailbox, because there's a very good chance that you really and truly have won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes. Every year, you have followed the contest rules, patiently fill out subscription forms to magazines you'll never read and sent in the responses well in advance of the deadlines; that commitment is about to pay off. Claim your prize now, or you'll come back to discover that your house sitter is a millionaire.

Aquarius - You know what it's like when your family doesn't like your lover and your lover hates your family? For some reason they seem to feel that messing with your head is the way to resolve their antipathy. So you've got two different factions using all their wily wiles to get you to see and do things the way they would like them to be. Who's got time for all this shit? Here's a thought - big mud pit, everybody in leotards, let them get in there and wrestle it out so you can just get on with your solo career.

Pisces - Did you know that a duck's quack doesn't echo and nobody can explain why this is? Which means that ducks are the only creatures on the face of the earth that can say anything and have it directly understood as it was spoken. Of course as far as we know duck's don't really have anything to say - at least not to us - so it's a shame that they and not humans, have been given this ability. Ducks are unlike humans in another way - their emotions don't infect their messages. Can you quack like a duck?