Aries - Home office, home school, home made, home life; there's a lot of satisfaction to be gained from running your own business, teaching your own children, making your own stuff, creating your own life - plus, you can avoid the daily commute and stay in your pyjamas all day. However, it's a lifestyle that is not with out drawbacks - work and play can seriously overlap. Does home office party sound like fun?
Taurus - There's a right way and a wrong way to take a sauna - oh wait, that's not a sauna, you're just letting off steam in a small place. Same deal really, whether you're relaxing in the heat or creating it, periodic cooling off will get you your best results. You have incredible stamina but you're beginning to resemble a prune. Don't take this the wrong way, but you should go jump in the lake.
Gemini - An important part of any performance is costume, whether it's a Torero's suit of lights, an Olympian's skating dress, a ballerina's tutu, or the geisha's kimono. It's not enough to be the best at what you do, you need to look different from the rest in order to really stand out. Stand out in a good way; you don't want to be the one who gets remembered for a wardrobe malfunction. Make sure your sequins are secure.
Cancer - On the surface, speed dating would seem to be an odd way to meet a potential romantic partner, but the truth is that we make snap decisions about people anyway, and the few minutes you get on a speed date are ample time for you to know whether you ever want to see this person again; black or white, yes or no - simple. It does not, however, work in all areas of life - slow down and ask more questions.
Leo - This week, while visiting your safe deposit box, you accidentally get locked inside the bank vault. Fortunately, you discover a long forgotten business plan you produced through automatic writing during that occult phase you had back in college. Hey guess what? Not only is that plan still viable, but you now have the time, the skills and the capital to pull it off. Of course you can't do anything until they open the vault in the morning.
Virgo - If you were to contemplate going over Niagara Falls in a barrel, would you be encouraged by the fact that 9 of the 13 who did it survived, or discouraged at the thought of the four who died? And let's not forget the six who were prevented from making the attempt; do you call that a narrow escape or a missed opportunity? Doesn't matter; you get passed a certain point and gravity just takes over.
Libra - Not all American travellers are obnoxious, but I've bumped into quite a few on vacation who never stop talking. They have opinions - often based on mis-information - about everything, and appear to feel a burning need to share those opinions with everybody in earshot. Frequently finding fault with places that aren't America, they miss all the reasons why a person travels in the first place. Don't be an American tourist.
Scorpio - You're like a magical iceberg - the most interesting parts of your life are hidden from view, and the little bit that does show is like a dazzling sleight of hand distracting people from looking below the water line, so to speak. This week, a skeptical deep sea diver crosses your path and refuses to be sidetracked by your hocus pocus. You might want to re-think your "publish and be damned" policy.
Sagittarius - As a rule, I don't like to recycle links, but this one was too perfect not to use. Now, if you feel that you true best path to enlightenment and finding your higher self, involves digging a tunnel through the centre of the planet, then go for it. I'll drop new shovels down to you as needed. If, however, you're digging a hole to escape into or to hide, forget it. You'll find more than shovels landing on your head.
Capricorn - You know how annoying it is when you're waiting for the streetcar and it's cold and wet and dark, and you're hungry and running late and you lean out and look to see if there's one coming and the idiot beside you leans out as well. Now you can't see anything, and we all know that unless you look about every 30 seconds, a streetcar will never show up. Just so you know, the guy behind you thinks you're the idiot.
Aquarius - So one day, you're travelling by bus, or train, or airplane; you're comfortably settled in and whether it's the air temperature, the dark outside the window, or the drone of the engine, you fall into a trance and dream the answer to all the world's problems. You awake to the realization that your triumphant "Eureka!" was actually shouted out loud and now your fellow passengers are staring at you.
Pisces - Do you know where the candles are? The power is going to be flickering for a bit - on/off/on/off - really annoying; you might as well just turn everything off and fire up some wax. Everybody and everything looks prettier by candle light. Faces glow, rooms look warmer, and it's really hard to see dirt. Plus, with no TV, no computer, no electric hum the voices might shut up long enough to let you get some sleep.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Blogoscopes Week of October 22nd to 29th, 2007
Aries - This week if you're late for stuff don't apologize and don't give reasons. Let people wonder what you were doing and where you've been; it has a huge cool factor.
Taurus - For the next few days please don't wear striped socks because if a house falls on you you'll look like the Wicked Witch of the West and I'm still creeped out by that visual.
Gemini - Finish your thoughts. When you start a sentence mid thought and then zoom off on random tangents people don't understand you, they're only nodding to be polite.
Cancer - It's really hard to catch a greased pig, which is part of the joy of the - I don't know do you call it a sport? - anyway as long as you don't expect results, just enjoy the game.
Leo - Bank loan or booty call, this is the time to be using other people's stuff; whether it's money or body parts they'll ante up. Careful, interest rates are high.
Virgo - Leather patches are not just for elbows anymore. You can sew them on pockets, knees, hats, even collars. Cut them in heart shapes before you start basting them on.
Libra - You know how sometimes airlines lose your luggage? Fly now and your luggage will get there and you'll be re-routed. Stop talking with your mouth full.
Scorpio - Geek is the new sexy. If ever anything pointed to a male dominated society this is it. The good news is that horn rims and a pocket protector can get you laid.
Sagittarius - What would happen to MarineLand if all the dolphins joined a meditation class? Flipper sits on the bottom of the pool blowing "om" shaped bubbles.
Capricorn - You find proof that the person in your mirror is not a reflection but an actual separate, living being. Either that or you're a vampire. Any way you can't see yourself.
Aquarius - You had too much to drink last night and woke up to a phone ringing and someone banging on the door. Time to scream "get lost" and go back to dreaming.
Pisces - You get a Halloween suggestion cause I know you need a little lead time. Dress up as Edgar Bergen and find somebody to sit on your lap and do your talking for you.
Taurus - For the next few days please don't wear striped socks because if a house falls on you you'll look like the Wicked Witch of the West and I'm still creeped out by that visual.
Gemini - Finish your thoughts. When you start a sentence mid thought and then zoom off on random tangents people don't understand you, they're only nodding to be polite.
Cancer - It's really hard to catch a greased pig, which is part of the joy of the - I don't know do you call it a sport? - anyway as long as you don't expect results, just enjoy the game.
Leo - Bank loan or booty call, this is the time to be using other people's stuff; whether it's money or body parts they'll ante up. Careful, interest rates are high.
Virgo - Leather patches are not just for elbows anymore. You can sew them on pockets, knees, hats, even collars. Cut them in heart shapes before you start basting them on.
Libra - You know how sometimes airlines lose your luggage? Fly now and your luggage will get there and you'll be re-routed. Stop talking with your mouth full.
Scorpio - Geek is the new sexy. If ever anything pointed to a male dominated society this is it. The good news is that horn rims and a pocket protector can get you laid.
Sagittarius - What would happen to MarineLand if all the dolphins joined a meditation class? Flipper sits on the bottom of the pool blowing "om" shaped bubbles.
Capricorn - You find proof that the person in your mirror is not a reflection but an actual separate, living being. Either that or you're a vampire. Any way you can't see yourself.
Aquarius - You had too much to drink last night and woke up to a phone ringing and someone banging on the door. Time to scream "get lost" and go back to dreaming.
Pisces - You get a Halloween suggestion cause I know you need a little lead time. Dress up as Edgar Bergen and find somebody to sit on your lap and do your talking for you.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Blogoscopes Week of October 15th to 22nd, 2007
Aries - Training wheels are a great thing. They give you the courage to try to do things you would otherwise never consider. The downside of them is that you're working with a net; you will never know the unparalleled thrill that comes from recklessly throwing yourself head first into something completely new with no regard for safety. Well there's no doubt that for you the ship has sailed on an opportunity or two, but hey, there are a whole bunch of unheard of mistakes ahead, just waiting for you to come along and make them! Take off the training wheels; because really, what's the worst that could happen?
Taurus - Say nightie night! I know, you're not tired and you're just going to finish this one teensy weensy little thing, but seriously - go to bed and go to sleep. Without sleep there are no dreams, and without dreams there is no chance that you will see those weird connections that your waking mind misses - like the resemblance between the biggest scariest thing on your mind and that giant purple giraffopotamus you were playing lacrosse with last night; both are weirdly surreal, but contain elements you recognize. Make a conscious effort to dream green hipporaffes and then watch how that impacts your reality.
Gemini - Does it feel as though the entire world is arrayed in formation against you? Are you beginning to get just a little bit paranoid about being all alone on your side of the fence? Before you get too carried away by your solitary plight, take a closer look around. Your peeps are all behind you, there are lights flashing all around you and there's a red carpet at your feet. Don't be scared, they just want to take your picture, maybe get an autograph, a sound bite, a smile and a wave. Don't mistake any of this for genuine affection but don't miss this opportunity. You're the flavour of the day so just enjoy it.
Cancer - If you were a Tarot card, this week you would be The Lovers. A handsome young man in medieval garb stands with a beautiful woman on each arm - two very different but equally desirable women. Get you mind out of your cod piece, this has nothing to do with that kind of love; it has to do with making a choice. Do you want the luxury sedan with the built in home theatre system, or do you want the shiny red convertible with the high end sports package? It's not a question of head says posh and heart says flash it's a question of head says "or", heart says "and". So here's where the love comes in....ignore your head, listen to your heart and have it all.
Leo - Can you imagine what it must be like for an actor who gives the performance of a lifetime, in a film that's released in February - and spends the next year listening to rumours of an Oscar nomination. It's got to be difficult to stay sane over the course of twelve months during which there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to influence the outcome. You either gave a winning performance or you didn't. What I think you should do is begin acting like a winner. Get you stylist to start putting together you awards night look and get on with your life. Your next role should be something daring that says you already know you're a winner.
Virgo - Here's a fun game for you. Pick your favourite letter (not D) from the 26 character Latin alphabet. Now, think of a word beginning with that letter that means drunk. Rat-assed, gunned and juiced come to mind. That was easy wasn't it? Know what? You could do that with each of the other letters of the alphabet and each of them would be just as simple. Maybe you should attempt the same thing with hangover cures; not so easy huh? I suggest that you start giving that second list some thought and perhaps even writing it down, so that when the spins hit you'll be ready. Sleeping this one off is not an option.
Libra - You have a reputation for being indecisive, but you don't really have any difficulty choosing, you just take your time, weigh all the factors and choose carefully. Sometimes though, you come across a situation where there are no factors; nothing solid on which to base a decision. In a case like this, there's little point in flipping a coin - best out of three, five, seven, nine - when do you stop? Instead, take a dozen eggs and go sit on the nearest ridgepole. One by one place each egg down and watch which way it rolls. Right or left, your choice is made by where the most eggs land. Don't worry you won't have to cheat on this one to get what you want.
Scorpio - So you accidentally confessed your shopaholia to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting and they laughed you out of the hall. Really not surprising, I mean what do a group of recovering heroin addicts have in common with someone who can't stop buying shoes? Shortly afterward you discovered you were in a synagogue when you stood up and hollered Hallelujah Jesus? Group dynamics can be difficult at the best of times and a shared interest or belief goes a long way toward oiling your social networks. This week you may be shocked or disappointed to discover the true nature of the gang you currently hang with.
Sagittarius - Last Christmas, someone you know gave you a membership to cheese of the week club and you hate cheese. For some unknown reason, instead of passing on these cheesy gifts to someone who might appreciate them, you've been stashing them in the linen closet. Christmas is coming around again in almost no time at all and you now have a cupboard overflowing with smelly, mouldy dairy products from around the world. Before you find yourself actually drowning in cheese, have a good clean out and get rid of it all. And for Pete's sake, tell your friend before they renew your subscription this year.
Capricorn - When you were a kid, did you like Hide and Seek? It's a great game if you're winning, but nothing sucks more than being IT. You close your eyes, count to 100 and let all of your playmates make themselves invisible. "Ready or not, here I come" sounds like a pretty flimsy threat to aim at people you can't even see. Then you have to tramp all over the place trying to find at least one of them so you don't have to be IT anymore. From a seeking point of view this game sucks. Luckily for you, your friends are all very predictable. You know exactly where each one is tucked away. Next, it's your turn to hide.
Aquarius - Dancing is fun isn't it? It's a much more interesting way to travel from point A to point B than just plain walking. Dancing can be free form, interpretive or highly structured with complicated patterns of steps or simple relaxed shuffling. The best part about dancing is that it's not linear. There is no finish line and the only goal in dancing is the dance itself. If you turn up the music and boogie on then the fact that your most recent progress has been two steps forward and one step back becomes far less annoying. Now you can choose to step forward, backward, right or left. Or stay in one place and pogo.
Pisces - Every body loves a good display of prestidigitation. We can call it magic, but we know that we're just being duped by a sleight of hand that tricks us into seeing nothing but what the performing artist wants us to see. And that's exactly how you need to go about accomplishing what you want to do. Make it look as though your putting all your energies into one thing when in reality you've got about six irons in the fire. One word of warning, don't waste this magical energy on the young or the innocent, because when you're only 3 (or really simple) a rabbit might as well come out of a hat as anywhere else.
Taurus - Say nightie night! I know, you're not tired and you're just going to finish this one teensy weensy little thing, but seriously - go to bed and go to sleep. Without sleep there are no dreams, and without dreams there is no chance that you will see those weird connections that your waking mind misses - like the resemblance between the biggest scariest thing on your mind and that giant purple giraffopotamus you were playing lacrosse with last night; both are weirdly surreal, but contain elements you recognize. Make a conscious effort to dream green hipporaffes and then watch how that impacts your reality.
Gemini - Does it feel as though the entire world is arrayed in formation against you? Are you beginning to get just a little bit paranoid about being all alone on your side of the fence? Before you get too carried away by your solitary plight, take a closer look around. Your peeps are all behind you, there are lights flashing all around you and there's a red carpet at your feet. Don't be scared, they just want to take your picture, maybe get an autograph, a sound bite, a smile and a wave. Don't mistake any of this for genuine affection but don't miss this opportunity. You're the flavour of the day so just enjoy it.
Cancer - If you were a Tarot card, this week you would be The Lovers. A handsome young man in medieval garb stands with a beautiful woman on each arm - two very different but equally desirable women. Get you mind out of your cod piece, this has nothing to do with that kind of love; it has to do with making a choice. Do you want the luxury sedan with the built in home theatre system, or do you want the shiny red convertible with the high end sports package? It's not a question of head says posh and heart says flash it's a question of head says "or", heart says "and". So here's where the love comes in....ignore your head, listen to your heart and have it all.
Leo - Can you imagine what it must be like for an actor who gives the performance of a lifetime, in a film that's released in February - and spends the next year listening to rumours of an Oscar nomination. It's got to be difficult to stay sane over the course of twelve months during which there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to influence the outcome. You either gave a winning performance or you didn't. What I think you should do is begin acting like a winner. Get you stylist to start putting together you awards night look and get on with your life. Your next role should be something daring that says you already know you're a winner.
Virgo - Here's a fun game for you. Pick your favourite letter (not D) from the 26 character Latin alphabet. Now, think of a word beginning with that letter that means drunk. Rat-assed, gunned and juiced come to mind. That was easy wasn't it? Know what? You could do that with each of the other letters of the alphabet and each of them would be just as simple. Maybe you should attempt the same thing with hangover cures; not so easy huh? I suggest that you start giving that second list some thought and perhaps even writing it down, so that when the spins hit you'll be ready. Sleeping this one off is not an option.
Libra - You have a reputation for being indecisive, but you don't really have any difficulty choosing, you just take your time, weigh all the factors and choose carefully. Sometimes though, you come across a situation where there are no factors; nothing solid on which to base a decision. In a case like this, there's little point in flipping a coin - best out of three, five, seven, nine - when do you stop? Instead, take a dozen eggs and go sit on the nearest ridgepole. One by one place each egg down and watch which way it rolls. Right or left, your choice is made by where the most eggs land. Don't worry you won't have to cheat on this one to get what you want.
Scorpio - So you accidentally confessed your shopaholia to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting and they laughed you out of the hall. Really not surprising, I mean what do a group of recovering heroin addicts have in common with someone who can't stop buying shoes? Shortly afterward you discovered you were in a synagogue when you stood up and hollered Hallelujah Jesus? Group dynamics can be difficult at the best of times and a shared interest or belief goes a long way toward oiling your social networks. This week you may be shocked or disappointed to discover the true nature of the gang you currently hang with.
Sagittarius - Last Christmas, someone you know gave you a membership to cheese of the week club and you hate cheese. For some unknown reason, instead of passing on these cheesy gifts to someone who might appreciate them, you've been stashing them in the linen closet. Christmas is coming around again in almost no time at all and you now have a cupboard overflowing with smelly, mouldy dairy products from around the world. Before you find yourself actually drowning in cheese, have a good clean out and get rid of it all. And for Pete's sake, tell your friend before they renew your subscription this year.
Capricorn - When you were a kid, did you like Hide and Seek? It's a great game if you're winning, but nothing sucks more than being IT. You close your eyes, count to 100 and let all of your playmates make themselves invisible. "Ready or not, here I come" sounds like a pretty flimsy threat to aim at people you can't even see. Then you have to tramp all over the place trying to find at least one of them so you don't have to be IT anymore. From a seeking point of view this game sucks. Luckily for you, your friends are all very predictable. You know exactly where each one is tucked away. Next, it's your turn to hide.
Aquarius - Dancing is fun isn't it? It's a much more interesting way to travel from point A to point B than just plain walking. Dancing can be free form, interpretive or highly structured with complicated patterns of steps or simple relaxed shuffling. The best part about dancing is that it's not linear. There is no finish line and the only goal in dancing is the dance itself. If you turn up the music and boogie on then the fact that your most recent progress has been two steps forward and one step back becomes far less annoying. Now you can choose to step forward, backward, right or left. Or stay in one place and pogo.
Pisces - Every body loves a good display of prestidigitation. We can call it magic, but we know that we're just being duped by a sleight of hand that tricks us into seeing nothing but what the performing artist wants us to see. And that's exactly how you need to go about accomplishing what you want to do. Make it look as though your putting all your energies into one thing when in reality you've got about six irons in the fire. One word of warning, don't waste this magical energy on the young or the innocent, because when you're only 3 (or really simple) a rabbit might as well come out of a hat as anywhere else.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Blogoscopes Week of October 8th to 15th, 2007
Aries - When you were just a little child, you asked your mommy what will I be? Will I be famous, will I be rich? Here's what she said to you: "How the hell should I know; what do you want to be?" So, no help there, and you started looking around to see who looked like an interesting role model. Wonder who Doris Day picked for hers? She was America's sweetheart for years and as an octogenarian is now an animal activist. So see, no matter what you choose to do you'll end up as a crazy cat lady! Que sera, sera.
Taurus - They say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. They also say that the end justifies the means. So you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. You've got to be really creative to pull off a good deed without suffering some dire consequences. There's a window of opportunity right now and a spotlight is shining on your benevolence. That light is bright enough to blind onlookers to any path leading up to or away from this moment; so grab the microphone and say your piece.
Gemini - Here's a good decorating tip. When you want to brighten up a dull, dark space, or pretty up a bland one, add a mirror, add crystal, add anything that sparkles and reflects. The same is true of a dull life; add a sparkling Gemini and everything looks much better. Someone in your life right now needs you to be their own personal disco ball. No reflection is needed, just be your usual lovely multi-faceted scintillating self and everyone will get everything they need.
Cancer - Seems like these days the cool thing to do is spend some time in rehab. It would be great if we all had a chance to spend a month someplace where we could rest, recuperate, meet new people and most of all learn how to care for our selves; especially if we could do it without having a substance abuse problem. In reality, all most of us need is a loving partner to hold our hands and lead us through and out of our darkest hour. Oh sure, people will still think you're crazy but as long as you're loved, who cares?
Leo - A lot of blood, sweat and toil goes into staging a successful rock and roll world tour; behind the scenes there are hours of physical labour moving the stuff all over the world, setting it up and tearing it down night after night; hard work it is but I'd be willing to bet that the pampered stars of the show aren't the only ones who find it difficult to go back to the everyday world. Even Sisyphus would miss his rock were he able to stop pushing it up that hill. I'll bet Mick and Keef wrote No Satisfaction at the end of a tour.
Virgo - Okay so you've turned on the TV and found yourself watching the last five minutes of some random cop show. The bad guy has his arm around the throat of some fainting lovely and he's holding a gun to her temple. There are at least six officers of the law all aiming their own weapons at this hapless criminal. Now imagine you are that hapless criminal. The good news is that you've got what it takes to talk them in to laying down their weapons and giving a you a head start. Duck and run!
Libra - Seems like everybody these days is looking for their fifteen minutes of fame and most of them aren't too fussy about how they get it. Average Janes and Joes invite camera crews to transmit their behaviour to homes all over the western world; said behaviour being frequently stupid, cowardly and base. Former celebrities, not content to languish out of the spotlight are now lining up for their opportunities to look ridiculous in front of the world. And the biggest question in your mind should be, why in the world would anybody want to be famous?
Scorpio - Everybody's talking about you. You are the newest, the brightest, the most interesting, the best. You've got it all, brains, beauty, talent and to top it all off you can make them laugh. There has never, in all the history of the world been anyone as wonderful, as multi-talented, as incredible, as you. Every word of this is true, and while you should keep it in mind, you must not let it go to your head. You will always be you; they are treating you like the flavour du jour. Don't fall for it.
Sagittarius - You're having a wonderful dream. You've cured cancer, ended world hunger, brought peace to the middle east, and figured out the Caramilk secret. Around the globe you are revered and loved; everywhere you go people strew riches and their first born children at your feet. The best part is that it was so easy. You can't understand why nobody saw it years ago and you are adorably humble about it all. Then the alarm goes off and you realize that you still haven't figured out how to get the stuck-on food off of your casserole dishes.
Capricorn - Oh hello, while I've got your attention can I just say that before you head off to your spiritual retreat you should double check your mailbox, because there's a very good chance that you really and truly have won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes. Every year, you have followed the contest rules, patiently fill out subscription forms to magazines you'll never read and sent in the responses well in advance of the deadlines; that commitment is about to pay off. Claim your prize now, or you'll come back to discover that your house sitter is a millionaire.
Aquarius - You know what it's like when your family doesn't like your lover and your lover hates your family? For some reason they seem to feel that messing with your head is the way to resolve their antipathy. So you've got two different factions using all their wily wiles to get you to see and do things the way they would like them to be. Who's got time for all this shit? Here's a thought - big mud pit, everybody in leotards, let them get in there and wrestle it out so you can just get on with your solo career.
Pisces - Did you know that a duck's quack doesn't echo and nobody can explain why this is? Which means that ducks are the only creatures on the face of the earth that can say anything and have it directly understood as it was spoken. Of course as far as we know duck's don't really have anything to say - at least not to us - so it's a shame that they and not humans, have been given this ability. Ducks are unlike humans in another way - their emotions don't infect their messages. Can you quack like a duck?
Taurus - They say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. They also say that the end justifies the means. So you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. You've got to be really creative to pull off a good deed without suffering some dire consequences. There's a window of opportunity right now and a spotlight is shining on your benevolence. That light is bright enough to blind onlookers to any path leading up to or away from this moment; so grab the microphone and say your piece.
Gemini - Here's a good decorating tip. When you want to brighten up a dull, dark space, or pretty up a bland one, add a mirror, add crystal, add anything that sparkles and reflects. The same is true of a dull life; add a sparkling Gemini and everything looks much better. Someone in your life right now needs you to be their own personal disco ball. No reflection is needed, just be your usual lovely multi-faceted scintillating self and everyone will get everything they need.
Cancer - Seems like these days the cool thing to do is spend some time in rehab. It would be great if we all had a chance to spend a month someplace where we could rest, recuperate, meet new people and most of all learn how to care for our selves; especially if we could do it without having a substance abuse problem. In reality, all most of us need is a loving partner to hold our hands and lead us through and out of our darkest hour. Oh sure, people will still think you're crazy but as long as you're loved, who cares?
Leo - A lot of blood, sweat and toil goes into staging a successful rock and roll world tour; behind the scenes there are hours of physical labour moving the stuff all over the world, setting it up and tearing it down night after night; hard work it is but I'd be willing to bet that the pampered stars of the show aren't the only ones who find it difficult to go back to the everyday world. Even Sisyphus would miss his rock were he able to stop pushing it up that hill. I'll bet Mick and Keef wrote No Satisfaction at the end of a tour.
Virgo - Okay so you've turned on the TV and found yourself watching the last five minutes of some random cop show. The bad guy has his arm around the throat of some fainting lovely and he's holding a gun to her temple. There are at least six officers of the law all aiming their own weapons at this hapless criminal. Now imagine you are that hapless criminal. The good news is that you've got what it takes to talk them in to laying down their weapons and giving a you a head start. Duck and run!
Libra - Seems like everybody these days is looking for their fifteen minutes of fame and most of them aren't too fussy about how they get it. Average Janes and Joes invite camera crews to transmit their behaviour to homes all over the western world; said behaviour being frequently stupid, cowardly and base. Former celebrities, not content to languish out of the spotlight are now lining up for their opportunities to look ridiculous in front of the world. And the biggest question in your mind should be, why in the world would anybody want to be famous?
Scorpio - Everybody's talking about you. You are the newest, the brightest, the most interesting, the best. You've got it all, brains, beauty, talent and to top it all off you can make them laugh. There has never, in all the history of the world been anyone as wonderful, as multi-talented, as incredible, as you. Every word of this is true, and while you should keep it in mind, you must not let it go to your head. You will always be you; they are treating you like the flavour du jour. Don't fall for it.
Sagittarius - You're having a wonderful dream. You've cured cancer, ended world hunger, brought peace to the middle east, and figured out the Caramilk secret. Around the globe you are revered and loved; everywhere you go people strew riches and their first born children at your feet. The best part is that it was so easy. You can't understand why nobody saw it years ago and you are adorably humble about it all. Then the alarm goes off and you realize that you still haven't figured out how to get the stuck-on food off of your casserole dishes.
Capricorn - Oh hello, while I've got your attention can I just say that before you head off to your spiritual retreat you should double check your mailbox, because there's a very good chance that you really and truly have won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes. Every year, you have followed the contest rules, patiently fill out subscription forms to magazines you'll never read and sent in the responses well in advance of the deadlines; that commitment is about to pay off. Claim your prize now, or you'll come back to discover that your house sitter is a millionaire.
Aquarius - You know what it's like when your family doesn't like your lover and your lover hates your family? For some reason they seem to feel that messing with your head is the way to resolve their antipathy. So you've got two different factions using all their wily wiles to get you to see and do things the way they would like them to be. Who's got time for all this shit? Here's a thought - big mud pit, everybody in leotards, let them get in there and wrestle it out so you can just get on with your solo career.
Pisces - Did you know that a duck's quack doesn't echo and nobody can explain why this is? Which means that ducks are the only creatures on the face of the earth that can say anything and have it directly understood as it was spoken. Of course as far as we know duck's don't really have anything to say - at least not to us - so it's a shame that they and not humans, have been given this ability. Ducks are unlike humans in another way - their emotions don't infect their messages. Can you quack like a duck?
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