Blogoscopes Week of April 20 to 27, 2009

Aries – The job of every Aries is to discover who he or she is. There are many ways in which they can accomplish this: owning stuff, doing stuff, trying stuff - emulating a role model. Stuff isn’t who you are so forget about that. And you may not have a real-life role model but I’ll bet you have one in your head. Now, sans stuff and avec role model who are you? Like it? Excellent. Don’t like it? Fix it.

Taurus – There are acrobats, clowns and circus performers who can balance towering stacks of delicate and oddly shaped objects on their noses and chins! Ever watch a performance where they dropped anything? But you would think that at some point in their careers, they would have had to drop something. You don’t achieve excellence without practice, and practice means making mistakes. If you don’t do something wrong how can you tell when it’s right?

Gemini – Are you familiar with the expression ‘talk to the hand’? Try it this week – talk to your own hands. And while you’re talking to them, really take the time to look at them closely. Are they impeccably groomed? Does the right hand know what the left one’s been doing? Have you forgotten how beautiful and talented they are? Take your hands on a date – play piano, finger-paint, have a manicure, or even better, play in the mud and get them dirty.

Cancer - Fame is a lonely place. Famous people (FPs) feel they are constantly being scrutinised, criticised and compartmentalised. It’s all so superficial but FPs can’t risk letting anyone close enough to actually see them. FPs have dozens of hangers-on but who are their friends? It’s a bit like raging paranoia, wearing disguises to show people what they want to see. An FPs life is one never-ending red carpet. The good news for you this week is that you’re not an FP.

Leo – You are the Elvis of the zodiac. Everyone says they’ve seen a Leo, but none of these sightings can be verified. There was a woman in Schenectady who saw you at Burger King (as if); a Tibetan monk remembers sitting zazen with you (more likely); and a gorilla using sign language claims to have discussed Kierkegaard, Dylan and the designated hitter rule with you (oh come on). All are fantasy: all are true. You have become an urban legend. How does that feel?

Virgo – Your long repressed fear of public speaking is about to erupt as you stand before the world and tell them that things need to change or else. Public speaking? You meant to tell only a few people. Yep, but there’s an echo in here and a lot of cross talk and perhaps a solar flare or two, so if you want to get your message across you’re going to have to speak slowly and clearly. Use small words and be prepared to repeat yourself. Sounds hellish I know but you can do it.

Libra – Have you ever wondered what life would be like if you were able to live at the bottom of a swimming pool? Well wonder no more! For a limited time only, you Libra have the amazing ability to survive on chlorine and fish food. It’s like living in an aquarium with curtains. No gawkers mindlessly staring with their noses pressed against the glass. Of course you do run the risk of having people drop things on you from above but at least that is deliberate.

Scorpio – Sometimes you really take the cake, and this week you have the ability to devour an entire bakery while the rest of the world is busy elsewhere. There’s no need to be sneaky about this, it’s your bakery and you’ve earned it, but you have always enjoyed a little drama, and a little subterfuge just adds spice. If you want to make this experience even more fun, why not create the diversion that distracts everyone, then sit there with icing on your face and deny the whole thing.

Sagittarius – Millions of iPod wearers can’t be wrong, the world is better with music. Whatever is going on around you can be better borne or ignored if you are listening to a personal soundtrack. Every ear-bud-wearing, headphone-sporting commuter in every major metropolis is starring in their own movie. Problems occur when plot-lines get tangled. To avoid getting caught up in someone else’s drama this week, instead of digitized music try creating your sound track out of ambient noise.

Capricorn – There’s a rumour going around that you have been at home, alone, drinking in the dark. Gasp! You are horrified, who has been saying these things about you, and it’s not true! Really....what if they said there was a blackout and the drink was tea? Would that change how you feel? There are different ways to look at everything and there are different ways to look at you. Don’t just go assuming that everyone is staring at your bad side; and yes, you have a bad side, get over it.

Aquarius – Wouldn’t dodge ball be fun if it were a two way game with multiple projectiles? Imagine that you’re in the middle and everyone in the circle has a basketball to throw at you. Now imagine that you have your own missiles to hurl back at the circle. Granted, the game would be more fun if you weren’t blindfolded and armed with nerf. Channel your inner Luke and use the force. There’s only one target you aiming at and you don’t need to see it to hit it.

Pisces – One of the saddest things about the commodification of myth is the way in which our culture has belittled the goddess of the hearth. She died sometime in the 70’s with the advent of those twee kitchen-witch ornaments that littered every home. The result is that many have forgotten how to feed themselves. You have a goddess given duty to don your frilly pink apron and pass on the wisdom of the hearth. The first rule - if you want to make soufflé you have to break a few eggs.