Blogoscope Week of July 16th to July 23rd 2007

Aries - Guess what, guess what?!? That boy/girl/bot you've been crushing on is (metaphorically speaking) currently on an extended road trip and you know what that means? You can safely break in to his/her/its secret lair without fear of being discovered. Dress yourself in head -to-toe black (see what I did there?), dust off your cat burglar gear (nobody looks hotter than you in night vision goggles), establish a false trail (or at least an alibi) and start snooping. There's no rush: poke through every drawer, cupboard and pocket in the place. Heck you've got time to pull up the floorboards. Now be honest: what are you hoping to find?

Taurus - Is there a difference between doing something embarrassing and having something embarrassing done to you? Do you get embarrassed if nobody but you knows that it happened? Oh I think you do. In fact, I believe that recalling prior, private peccadilloes is worse than being caught red-faced in the moment: hence the human impulse to reveal our deepest secrets and darkest shames to the nearest stranger. Our sins need to be witnessed - preferably by someone who doesn't hang around. This week, assume your actions were caught on a public camera somewhere and just keep your mouth shut.

Gemini - Do you understand the Doppler effect? Me either, but apparently it's the reason for the wah wah effect of a siren as it speeds past you. What if, instead of speeding past, the siren does a few quick laps around the block? Does the wah wah become a steady whine? Like the dotted line on the road does it blur into a never ending noise? Hmm, I wonder if it's never really that the past comes back to haunt us, but that we just bump into our own echoes as we speed around in the same circles? If you feel as though you're repeating yourself, you're not - it's just Doppler.

Cancer - It's one thing to be cast in shade and another altogether to live on the boundary of the spotlight, the penumbra of another's glow. Fortunately you're a clever promoter who knows exactly how to capitalize on every little bit of light. Wear something sparkling with your biggest and brightest smile and even when you're simply hovering in the wings all eyes will be drawn to you. Plus, being partially cloaked in the mysterious dark is very sexy. Just take care not to get caught in the full glare - you're not really dressed for it and a speech will be expected.

Leo - I'm a huge fan of those decorating makeover shows where the experts go into someone's home and make it saleable or even simply liveable. Where and how we live says a lot about who we are and it is absolutely amazing how some people seem to have blinkers on when it comes to how unlovely their residences are. You have to ask your self how they got there and why they've stayed? Are they afraid to live well? Is decorating really rescue therapy? And what happens once the film crews are gone?

Virgo - if bigger is better how come a pie isn't better than a tart? There may be more of it but it doesn't taste any better. In some cases it may not taste as good. Take a butter-tart for example. Chock full of those lovely nuts and raisins and all that gooey sugar goodness that oozes out when you bite into them and drips onto your fingers and all over your hand so you have to lick every finger twice to get rid of the sticky. And unlike pie, you don't need a fork to eat a tart. The one good thing about pie is that you can share. I dare you to make a good butter-pie.

Libra - If you could choose to have a special, magical or super power for 24 hours what would it be? Pretend that at the end of that 24 hours everything would return to what it had been and only you would remember the experience. I guess which power you choose would depend on what it is you want to learn. Don't waste time wishing for invisibility - tomorrow everyone else will have forgotten what they've seen - just focus on what you want to know and whether or not your cape should match your tights.

Scorpio - So you're at this party and everybody you know is there plus a few you've never met. It's hot and smoky and the music is a heartbeat - just your kind of soiree. You slip out the back for a breath of fresh air and find yourself doing a solo performance of the last act of Macbeth for the benefit of an audience of smokers. Just as you begin your signature pantomime of Macduff's Caesarian birth, your foot breaks through the lid of the box you're standing on and you find a million dollars. How much do you give to charity?

Sagittarius - You know what would be a really cool job for you? Saint! Yep, you could pretty much live however you want and they'd be falling all over themselves to look after you. You wouldn't have to go out if you didn't want to because people would make pilgrimages to see you and leave money in jars all over your house. You'd never have to walk because your um..er...fans? followers? would carry you every where. You might have to sneak around a little to avoid getting your canonization revoked but come on, what's a little intrigue if it makes life easier?

Capricorn - A man's home is his castle. It's the 21st century and so the same must be said of women. Of course more and more often our castles are a few hundred square feet of Legoland sameness with all the personality of a prison cell: and just about the same amount of privacy. If you value your reputation - and you do value your reputation - it is important to you that your castle is not only a clear statement of your personal taste, but also that it remains impervious to the assault of the hoi polloi. In other words, don't let the drunks take over your gazebo.

Aquarius - If you were a commodity being traded on the stock market, what would you be? Precious metals, oil & gas, real estate, or currency? What would your share price be? Has your value increased or decreased? Do you know why? Would you advise somebody to buy or sell you right now? Do you even have any sense of your own value? What about parts, do you have any idea how much your parts are worth? Can't hurt to have an idea, you know in case you ever have to sell an organ or something.

Pisces - There's a lot of interest in Fair Trade in these globally aware times. Well I say forget the trade, what about just plain fairness? Who doesn't understand the idea that what goes around comes around? Wouldn't it be nice if every once in a while you got a little more Instant Karma? Do something really nice for someone else and immediately someone would do a similar nice thing for you. Action/Reward So I buy you an MP3 player better than the one you've got, and somebody buys me a better MP3 player than the one I've got. Wanna go shopping?