Blogoscopes Week of September 29 to October 7, 2008

Aries - Have you ever played the shell game? It's like Button Button or Hide 'n Seek but for money. How do you win? You pay close attention, very close attention. Holy shit did you see that? No? See what I mean - close attention.

Taurus - Okay is that or is that not a winning lottery ticket in your pocket? I understand that you don't want to run screaming down the street but being afraid that the numbers have changed since you last looked? That's weird.

Gemini - If your friends haven't noticed your new shoes find new friends. Seriously those are kick-ass shoes and the astrological portents say there's a one in five chance that one of your new friends owns a shoe store.

Cancer - You're pretty fast on your feet right now but I gotta warn you that if someone calls you on your shit you're gonna have to own it. It's not a big deal, just look 'em in the eye, shrug and say "yea, so what?"

Leo - Okay, I'm not saying that you will, but if you do happen to bake a cake this week, remember to remove your necktie before you start mixing the batter. Ties are a dime a dozen, but that food processor is state of the art.

Virgo - Damn you're sexy. Don't be coy, it's okay, you are absolutely the bomb just the way you are. In fact, I predict that because of you, from this day forward, they'll change all the rules about what's sexy and what's not.

Libra - You should throw one of those new age pot luck dinner parties where you determine a menu and then ask each of your guests to bring a specific part. With careful planning you could live off of the leftovers for the whole week.

Scorpio - You should make a point of carrying an electronic device with you at all times until I tell you to stop. Blackberry,PSP,Gameboy even an MP3 just be sure to look as though there could be a reason for your laughter.

Sagittarius - Sometimes the only proper response to a question is "I don't know". There may also be occasions on which it is acceptable to close your eyes, stick your fingers in your ears and repeatedly scream "I don't know".

Capricorn - If you were in AA I would say that this might be a good week to call your sponsor, but otherwise, I think that if you can just get someone to phone you a few times, make sure you're awake, that should be fine.

Aquarius - For most people getting drunk alone is not a good sign, for you it's probably a survival mechanism. If you want to communicate either go on-line anonymously or have a heart to heart with a mirror.

Pisces - You may have a nightmare soon in which you relive the harrowing details of the loss of your childhood teddy bear. Let me just say that we all feel your pain and would you for Pete's sake just get over it already?