Blogoscopes Week of October 6 to October 13, 2008

Aries - How the heck you've managed to survive this long is any body's guess. You live like a ball bearing, bouncing around in the pinball machine of other people's expectations. Time to figure out what it is that you like or perhaps even dislike about the way things are now. Here's a little something that I think might help you pinpoint the source of your dissatisfaction.

Taurus - First let me just say that Roller Derby is not a hobby! It's a rigorous sport and as such requires a full-time commitment on all levels of mind, body and spirit. This means that you can't just dream about the Roller Derby, and you can't read a book on Roller Derby; you have to dedicate yourself to the gruelling regimen that will be required of you in order to reach your goal.

Gemini - There comes a time in every life, when your happy place needs to be an actual physical thing that you can touch. This is not about fetishes, but about geography - square footage. It honestly doesn't need to be either lavish or large, but it should be all yours for at least a part of each day.

Cancer - This is not the time to be worrying about whether or not everyone else is doing their bit the way they should. It's not so much that you've got to mind your own patch as it is that no one is taking you seriously and if you persist they'll think you're a fanatic and not listen to a single thing you say - ever.

Leo - It might seem like you're driving an actual school bus full of actual children, but in reality those back seat drivers asking if you're there yet, are adults. And just in case you were wondering, yes they are questioning your ability to get from point A to point B. Pull over only if you want to throw them out.

Virgo - I was going to say that I hope last week's column didn't net you as much grief for being a Virgo as it did me for writing it, but I can see that you haven't even read it. You just figured that anyone who seemed a little crankier than normal was confusing you with someone who cared? Carry on then.

Libra - You don't seem to be able to make up your mind whether you want to stay in or go out. If you will allow me to suggest a compromise, why don't you go out to some place you've never been before and stay there? See, two birds with one stone. Some people call it a vacation but I don't want to scare you.

Scorpio - I'm currently reading a book by a guy called Mil Millington, entitled "Things my girlfriend and I have argued about". The Guardian said that it is funny and at the same time affectionate. I think it might be the source of some perspective for you this week. Better than gritting your teeth. I've got the library's copy but here's a free sample.

Sagittarius - Sadly it has been left to me to be the one to tell you that all those times people have asked you how you are, they really didn't want to know. Okay maybe not everybody you know is unbelievably shallow, but some of them are just constantly spouting off shit without thought or feeling. I just thought it was time you knew.

Capricorn - Don't look down! Oh not to worry, you're standing on solid ground; you just feel like you're 40 stories up. Of course the fact that all the people you see appear to be trying to talk you down is a bit odd. Those are crazy people and you should just humour them for a bit. Remember, craaaazzzy people! Whatever you do don't make any sudden moves.

Aquarius - Someone may shortly be asking you for something you don't want to give them. You're not being stingy; this is a matter of principle. You don't want to do anything that would benefit this particular individual. What if I told you that the smelly man with his hand out is trying to give you something? Would that change your mind?

Pisces - Have you got your listening ears on? I know, you say hear everything, but maybe you're just overhearing? Maybe it's time you started to actively listen. If you already have been then think about an upgrade to something a little more modern - like digital!