Blogoscope January 1, 2007 - January 7, 2007

Aries - You'll be asleep before midnight this New Year's Eve, and still spend the majority of January apologizing for things you don't remember doing. Eventually everyone will forgive you and in celebrating this fact, you will find yourself having come full circle, right back to the apologizing stage. Yup, it's going to be that kind of year.

Taurus - Much as it galls me to say it, it looks as though I was wrong and you were right; all that hard work you've been doing really has paid off and now you have exactly what you wanted. Days, weeks and months of keeping your nose to the grindstone have produced just the effect you've been aiming for. Everybody really has gone away and stopped bugging you.

Gemini - Boy if I was you I wouldn't go out on New Year's Eve. You'll definitely be the centre of attention, but not in a good way. It's like every living thing and the majority of inanimate objects are conspiring to push your buttons. It's just a conglomeration of really little, really annoying shit that really could do your head in. Stay home and journal or something.

Cancer - Seeing in the new (insert year here) at home with family and friends! This is different for you...oh no wait, that's what you do every year. I'll go so far as to say that the evening will end in drama and possibly tears but then that's pretty much an annual event too. You wouldn't have it any other way. Never worry my dear, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Leo - Sadly, most of the plans you have formulated for 2007 are in direct contravention of your community service sentence and could land you behind bars. The fact that you are innocent of all charges will not make any difference. Just be on your best behaviour, and nine months from now you can sue the ass off of everybody who's accusing you now.

Virgo - It's that magic season when "peace on earth goodwill toward men" reverts to being just another piece of sparkly crap to be packed away in a box until next November, when American TV starts running Christmas ads. Ahhh but not for you Virgo. The rest of the world may be returning to cynic mode, but you have an eggnog glow that will last all year.

Libra - You have a very significant challenge in front of you. The energies at work in you life, especially your home life, are pulling you in two drastically different directions. Trying to maintain your fabled balance will require heroic effort. Something along the lines of inventing an SUV that stops global warming. Give it your best shot.

Scorpio - Well here's an interesting turn of events. As a rule, when you say 'hello' the rest of the world hears 'I want to lick you'. But right now, the rest of the world could be dry humping your leg and you'd never notice. You've always liked to have things your own way, and for the moment, your way is the celibate way.

Sagittarius - You need to go for a very brisk walk. It doesn't really matter where you go just as long as you go. I would strongly recommend, however, that if you have any important commitments within the next few weeks, you should let someone know where you are at all times. Surrendering your passport would be a good idea. Keep in mind that when I say "important commitments" I mean things like donating a kidney, performing brain surgery, rescuing babies from burning buildings....otherwise I say just keep on walking.

Capricorn - Be aware this week, as you start to recover from the holidays and settle back into your usual routine, that you still have lipstick on your collar and toilet paper stuck to your shoe. Some Capricorns will find their skirts tucked into the back of their tights. You gained a lot of recognition and even respect in 2006; don't blow it by showing them your other side just yet.

Aquarius - You may think that you are invincible these days, but believe me when I tell you that it's just the drugs. You are not impervious to pain, you're just numb. If at any point this week you discover that there is any fighting going on around you stay out of it and for heaven's sake don't start anything. You are not a small dog, stop acting like one.

Pisces - You're very fertile right at the moment, so if you're not ready then I would suggest you use protection. This does not apply only to babies, but to any sort of creative endeavour you have in mind. The end result will be tremendous, but the process will be fraught. Go forward carefully.