Blogoscopes January 8th to January 15th

Aries - You've got a couple of months of quiet time ahead of you. Try to honour the ancient cycle of nature by spending some quality time alone, meditating, gestating meaningful life goals and preparing for a personal rebirth. Or you could start getting drunk at lunch and get caught having sex with the mailman. Matter of personal taste I'd say.

Taurus - You, Taurus are locked into a trajectory like a gutter ball at Bowlerama. There honestly isn't anything more you can do at this point; you're going to succeed and no matter how hard you try, you can't fuck this one up. You are about to run head on into everything you've ever wanted. Don't wet yourself.

Gemini - You may have overspent a bit toward the end of last year, but honestly you had such a good time. Do you really wish you had done it differently? Stop worrying about the money. So what if you can't imagine where it's going to come from? That just means that it could come from anywhere! And that is a good thing.

Cancer - You appear to be having an extended vacation. Or maybe you're down with a bad bout of flu. Luckily, there' s no reason at all for you to leave home at the moment. In fact, you could safely remain in hibernation for a few more weeks. Telecommute to your own life.

Leo - You still have a lot of work to get done, but there's no need to be all nose to the grindstone about it. In fact, if you give your creativity a bit of free rein, you'll actually make some significant progress. Be totally left brain for a while. Hell, go all out and be silly. Whistle while you work. Might not make it more enjoyable for you but it'll bug the shit out of somebody else and that can be it's own reward.

Virgo - You may have a sudden change of heart this week. There doesn't appear to be any particular reason for this, and I don't think that you'll really know what prompted it. You feel as though you're not quite in your own skin and you're pretty quick to assign blame for that elsewhere. How about just spending a couple of days on your own before you make any hasty decisions?

Libra - Right now your life is like early season three of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Faith and Buffy saving the world and looking hot doing it. Sadly, they let a man come between them. If you don't want to finish your week the way season three ended for our two heroines, then I recommend that you shelve all your unresolved father issues for just a little bit longer.

Scorpio - Well if it isn't little goody two shoes. May I ask the purpose of this insane charade? Just how long do you think you can keep the new love of your life from discovering who you really are? You're not doing anybody any favours, least of all yourself. You can and should be loved for the drooling horn dog that you are.

Sagittarius - You're like a leprechaun this week and your good fortune is infectious. There's plenty to go around but you might want to be mindful of this helpful advice: don't share your lotto numbers, don't give stock tips, and don't let anybody rub your head or stick their fingers in you ear or whatever other gross things people like to do to their lucky charms.

Capricorn - You are at the mid heaven of your fifteen minutes of fame - which means you 're seven and a half down and seven and a half to go. This might be a good time to go abroad. Once you bring your fame to another country it's like you've got another fifteen minutes. With air travel and time changes, you could create fame Doppler and be in the limelight for quite a while!

Aquarius - How often have you been told not to talk to strangers? Ignore that and start talking to everybody. Wherever you are and whatever you're doing, give them your two cents worth. Yes, most people will think you are weird. But you can make friends with the ones who don't and then you and your new pals can have fun hanging out and being superior.

Pisces - It's basket weaving week at the home. Lots of calm, repetitive activity that serves no purpose but makes you feel as though you've accomplished something. No shame in that Pisces, in the past, you've spent more energy deluding yourself about less harmless things. So weave away! Just don't make a religion out of it.