Aries - I'm happy to note that Urban Dictionary does not yet contain a definition for straight line. As in 'shortest distance between two points' and 'I couldn't draw a...' Well I say pooh! Shortest is not most interesting or most rewarding; and as for it being a measure of artistic talent don't make me laugh. Besides, as any good mathematician will tell you, nature abhors a straight line, preferring to boggle our thoughts with the subtlety of the infinite curve. Keep that in mind as you zig and zag through this week. Find your own meaning for straight line.
Taurus - Did you know that the Ford Taurus is making a comeback in 2008? Why do you suppose that is? What is it about the Taurus that makes it worth reviving and when is someone going to get around to remaking the Gremlin? I wonder if this will be like that monkey's paw story where they bring something back from the dead and it's horrible and wrong? Or maybe it'll simply be like "New" Herbal Essence - a name loaded with nostalgia slapped on a banal product and used to grab baby boomer dollars. I just don't know. What do you think?
Gemini - Your ultimate career? Feng shui consultant. Is too! Know how I can tell? Okay, first you have an innate sense of style, second you understand the flow of energy as it moves through a room and three, you love to tell other people how they can do things better - that's like a teacher and you do it all the time anyway so you should arrange to get paid for it. And the best part? There's a lot of different schools in Feng shui - you could spend a lifetime learning all of them - uhmmm... you know how much you love school.
Cancer - Okay I found this site that sells custom embroidered caps and there's no minimum to buy. This means that you could have thousands of caps embroidered with thousands of different sayings, jokes and logos that would tell the world in a very simple fashion, just exactly how you are feeling. You could have your basics - 'Happy', 'Cranky', 'Sober'; you could get specialty slogans like 'Cheese is good' 'Where's my boat' and 'I like earwax'. Or you could just get one that says 'Got what I wished for - pissed off'
Leo - The joys of the open road...in the last month I've spoken to two different Leos about living in trailers - different but apparently not separate Leo's, since one Leo wanted a trailer and the other Leo got a trailer. How does that work? It is now possible for you to be totally mobile and still maintain your royal comfort. Keep in mind that packing all the amenities of home isn't just about the conveniences. You're more connected than you realize. And remember that no matter where you go, there you are.
Virgo - And the winner, in the category of "Good Fences Make Good Neighbours" is..........China! The country whose backyard boundary can be seen from space. Much like China, you love a nice clear line in the sand, although you're not averse to hosting the odd group of tourists - well supervised groups of tourists to be sure. Yet, both you and China are finding it difficult to maintain that border - people keep walking away with pieces of it. Your choices? Either call out the army or prepare to welcome the invaders. We know which one China is doing.
Libra - Charm is your greatest asset and because you know how to ask for things so very nicely, you find that people frequently give you whatever it is you want. Certainly no one ever seems to mind that you asked. Well here's a little something for you from me that you didn't even know you wanted - the chance to play with pretty things and make them look exactly the way you want them to. WARNING! SURREAL CONTENT Will you love it? will you hate it? Or will you be indifferent? I'm taking a poll.
Scorpio - What is that thing on your carpet? Is it a stain or is it a design? How long has it been there? Is this one of those things where you say "funny story that..." and then go on to confess to having committed a heinous crime? Man I hope not because then you'd have to get rid of me to keep me quiet and I got tickets next week for We Will Rock You Okay, I'll just act like I didn't see anything, give you a chance to hide the evi..I mean tidy up, and we'll just pretend that nothing ever happened. Got it? No-thing-ev-er-hap-pen-ed.
Sagittarius - You remind me of Fred MacMurray, you know, Steve Douglas from My Three Sons I remember how surprised I was to find out that my surrogate father-figure had once played the tall dark and mysterious in movies - with Barbara Stanwyck! Turns out, the real guy was even more multi-talented and as well as being really hot in a dorky kind of way, he was incredibly intelligent and set some real pop-culture precedents in his time. Wow, the next time some one asks me which person living or dead I'd like to have dinner with it'll be Fred MacMurray.
Capricorn - I finally found it, the place where you can find the answers to all of those worrying questions you have raging around in your head, in general, about how things are going , and, in some specific cases, why things are going. Click here and look at some of the images. Haven't a clue what most of this means and I'm sad that I can't follow the path to quark gluon plasma but great images eh? Now follow the link that says Image Courtesy of Tom Kemp ; this guy makes some sense.
Aquarius - The day you were born and the doctor stuck that cold stethoscope to your still slimy little chest he heard not just a heart beat, but a back beat - or maybe it was a break beat: a latin beat? Forget that old saw about marching to a different drummer; you are the drum and you are definitely playing without a full orchestra. Everybody hates long involved drum solos, you know they do, so maybe you should think about doing a spot of sampling You could turn your life into a club friendly little number without infringing on your individuality.
Pisces - Here it is my dear, the silver bullet, the strands of garlic, the crosses and holy water, everything you need to keep the nighttime forces of evil away from your door. Okay maybe I have been watching too much Buffy the Vampire Slayer but it's still a good analogy. There is enough material packed into this site to slay any weird shit that threatens to upset you this week. Word of caution, don't read about things that don't frighten you. This will cause cognitive dissonance, which, like magical thinking, is not just for crazy people anymore.
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