Blogoscope Week of May 14th to May 21st, 2007

Aries - If we lived in another era I might suggest that you go hide away for the next little while and perfect the fine art of basket weaving, recognized the world over as a therapeutic supplement to electro-shock therapy. These days, depending on your socio-economic background you could end up in anything ranging from anger management classes to the penitentiary where you could perfect the fine art of making license plates supplemented by electro-plating. Instead I'm going ask you to perfect the fine art of creating something else altogether and if you so desire you can combine it with electro-boogie.

Taurus - I think I've found the ideal site for you. To begin with you are asked to make a choice - this serves to remind you that you have power in any given situation, plus it's good for you to practice choosing. After you make a selection, you get to live the same day over and over and over again, as often as you like at whatever pace you like, in any one of five different locations. You can visit all five, in any order you'd like, or you can visit just one as often as you'd like. Enjoy the sunrise for days on end or race around the clock - backwards! The only thing you can't do is change any of it because it has already happened.

Gemini - Yesterday I was riding the streetcar and was sitting across the aisle from a hygienically challenged individual who was having a loud conversation with someone unseen. Everyone in the car was agitated, myself included and not for the first time I wondered why. This person did not appear physically threatening or violent and the conversation was much like those of the cell phone users on board - conversations also held with persons invisible. Why does the former feel so threatening? When we react to these things who are we trying to silence and why?

Cancer - The world may start to look drastically different to you over the next several days. Sometimes, you can feel as though life is a long and confusingly realistic nightmare; that the people in this dream are strangers to you and; that you are beginning to question your own reality. Okay that's not a nightmare it's a Hitchcock movie. To avoid confusion in the future, keep an eye out for the pear shaped one . He'll pop up when you least expect it to remind you that nothing is going to harm you, that it's all in good fun, and that you shouldn't take yourself too seriously.

Leo - One of the best things about summer weather is that it encourages us to go swimming. The closest most of us will ever get to zero gravity is floating on our backs on a still body of warm water with the sun on our faces. Better yet is that disorientation when you've somersaulted into the dark water, or with your eyes closed and for one split second you can't tell if you're floating up or sinking down and all you can do is give yourself up to the water and hold your breath. The deeper the dive, the longer it will take you to surface.

Virgo - Are you familiar with the expression back to the drawing board? Don't get excited, work is fine, you've done a great job and nothing needs to be fixed, just chill a minute okay? What I want you to do is literally go back to the drawing board and have a little fun for a while. Doodle whatever you want, it doesn't matter how it looks, nobody will ever know it was you who drew it. And here's the best part - once you've submitted your art there's no way to get it back and "fix" it. It's gone and someone else is enjoying it in all it's splendid imperfection.

Libra - The winner in the category of mixed messages is the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty. It looks like a really good thing - self-esteem funds and awareness programs, commercials that urge us to see beauty in different shapes and different ages, and encouragement for young women and girls. Sure, it seems like they are creating a new paradigm for feminine beauty but in reality what they are telling us is that grey hair is okay as long as it's thick hair, and jiggly thighs are fine as long as your underarms are pretty. What?!? That's just silly right?

Scorpio - Here's a simple home improvement plan that will revolutionize your entire life! Build your own green screen! Can you imagine? It'll fit easily into your basement, and allow you to project yourself into any scenario you create without ever having to leave the house. A cheap web cam and a rented DVD or some free video from the library and you're slotted into the action. Kind of like the whole Celine/Elvis thing on American Idol only not so creepy. Right? You're not going to do anything creepy are you? Don't make me wish I'd kept this to myself.

Sagittarius - One of the best and the worst things that our mothers ever do to us is tell us that we can be and do anything we want. Well gee thanks a lot mom, now if only you knew what you wanted to be and do. It's a recognized fact that deciding what you want is the hardest part - or is it? Maybe the hard part is allowing yourself to want what you want, because we all know that what mom really meant was you can be anything you want as long as it's what's expected of you. This week do something for yourself and just for fun, make it something that starts with the letter M (for mom.)

Capricorn - It might be time for you to start making some notes for your autobiography. In years to come many will want to know about your early struggles, what your dreams were and how you strove to overcome obstacles and reach the pinnacle of success. I'm going to give you two tools to make this happen. The first is the place you put those notes. It'll help you recognize an event when it bites you in the ass. The second is the template for overcoming obstacles. It can be adapted to any situation and I recommend that you use it liberally.

Aquarius - I know I've said it before but it bears repeating that it is often very tricky for me to interpret the stars for my own sign. For instance this week it looks as though I'm going to decide to play nursemaid to a drunk. This is a not altogether unlikely scenario and I've been researching ideas on how to cope. Chances are that you will not be overwhelmed by solicitude for sots, but I will say that you are displaying an alarming tendency to want to fix things and I think you should relax, put your feet up and wait for these urges to pass. Have a few drinks while you're at it.

Pisces - I just finished reading the latest novel by one of my favourite authors Christopher Moore, and although none of them are reading the same book, many people around me are also reading Christopher Moore and loving him. His characters are eccentric but believable and he will make you laugh out loud. Now you're not going to have time to read one of his wonderfully quirky novels before the week begins tomorrow morning so let me give you a precis. Nothing is exactly what it seems - ever. Anything is possible - always.