Blogoscope Week of June 18th to June 25 2007

Aries - Guess what I had for lunch today? Oh forget it you'll never guess. I took two pieces of sesame flat bread, covered one with hummus, the other with red pepper spread and then slapped them on either side of two slices of crispy hickory smoked bacon. Healthy? Not likely. Low fat? Not a chance. Yummy? Oh you bet. Mamma Gump was wrong. Life is like a sandwich - make sure you choose your own fillings. Wow now I'm thinking that some avocado would have been good too.

Taurus - Have a look at this before you read any further. What do you suppose he's thinking about? What will I have for lunch? Does he/she really like me? Does my butt look big in these? How do I get down from here? Why didn't I stay in bed? I bet he's not thinking any of those things. He's probably not thinking at all. His life depends on doing his work as though nothing else in world matters. And really, nothing else does.

Gemini - You appear to have wandered in to a fun house lined with what look like distorting mirrors. Spend enough time there and the reflected, warped version of your life starts to look like the reality. Of course reality is subjective. Maybe you are warped. The important thing is that you not be afraid to explore this twisted world. Act as if you belong and you'll find out all you need to know about it and about your self.

Cancer - Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. See? The human mind is an amazing thing and even when the world appears to be telling you something incomprehensible, you can still safely navigate your way through it. Satrt wtih the amsustpoin taht yuor snsees are croecrt.

Leo - Leo is sniffing yesterday's sock and enjoying it. Doesn't sound like you. I guess Dionne Warwick can't always be right. Although I gotta say there's a couple of scenarios I could buy. One is that you are a cynical and depressed being, too worn out to care and sadly convincing your self that nobody loves you. Two is that you've been too busy having fun to do laundry and now you're invited to a spontaneous surprise party celebrating the wonderfulness of you.

Virgo - Have you ever watched that television show about how things are made? Often things are made via a process that involves a variety of machines and I've always thought I'd like to see a show about how they designed and made these machines that make the things. You might want to put some thought in to designing the machines that you'll need to make the things that you want. That is if you want things made right.

Libra - I say loophole and your thoughts might go to a dodgy means of getting out of a tricky situation; a get out of jail free card that sidesteps messy consequences. In its original meaning, a loophole was an aperture in a castle wall that allowed defenders to fire on attackers while they remained unscathed. Either is a cunning way to get what you want with no backlash and this week you are Machiavellian in your use of both.

Scorpio - Paying the piper is a concept usually attributed to the story of "The Pied Piper of Hamelin", but I think that it's more likely that this fairy tale was a literary illustration of an ancient idea - all good things come with a cost. Fortunately, that price tag does not always have a dollar sign on it. Know the value of the boon you've been given; it should help you work out some sort of barter to cover costs. It'll just feel free.

Sagittarius - "It's no good running a pig farm badly for 30 years while saying, 'Really, I was meant to be a ballet dancer.' By then, pigs will be your style." I've always loved this quote by Quentin Crisp. If you're going to let yourself become a pig farmer rather than a dancer, you should at least try to be a good one. This week you'll discover that there's no point in pretending you're not here - people can see you.

Capricorn - I figured Darrin Stevens for a Capricorn; always concerned with what the neighbours would think, suspicious of the mystical, and willing to put up with the magical shenanigans in order to remain married to a beautiful woman who kept an immaculate home, and, incidentally, saved his ass on numerous occasions. You are not married to Samantha, but you may have to tolerate something equally unnerving in your home life this week.

Aquarius - There's not enough time for you to actually learn how to be a Ninja so I'm going to suggest that you start throwing together a disguise and an exit strategy. A favour you did in the past is about to come back in order to bite you in the ass. All you need is a split second heads up to avoid disaster so stay alert! Just kidding - you're going to have to get a serious grip on The Force to dodge this one. (With apologies for the Star Wars Reference)

Pisces - Whenever I spend time on-line I envision thousands of little pieces of virtual garbage floating off into the atmosphere. There's so much of it in the air it's a wonder any of us can see, breathe, hear or speak. It's not just computers, cell phones and MP3 players. It's the cars we drive and the buildings we live in. You need to escape the buzz for a while. There is important information coming your way and you don't want to miss it due to static.