Blogoscope Week of June 25th to July 2nd 2007

Aries - Just when you were beginning to realize that you were in over your head, you began to feel the clammy claws of....The People of the Bog! They pull you down and down and inexorably down, all the while whispering fiercely incomprehensible crap in your ear. At this point, even if they did loosen their scaly grip on your reality, you're too unsure which way is up to even bother fighting for it. Imagine your relief this week when an extremely unlikely saviour accidentally rescues you from a fate worse than liver & onions.

Taurus - They say that if you throw a penny off the Empire State Building that by the time it reaches ground level it has reached lethal velocity. What do you suppose that penny feels? Aside from the nausea of the initial vertigo, is it concerned with who it may or may not kill at journey's end? Or maybe it spends the entire 1250 foot drop imagining the pain of impact. Wake up silly! Pennies don't have feelings and you're not falling, although your blood sugar may be. Have something to eat and you'll feel better.

Gemini - You've just discovered that in the multitude of photos taken of you in the past few weeks, there was something embarrassing about your appearance in each; spinach in your teeth, skirt tucked in to your panties, buttons missing on your shirt, fly undone, whatever it was you're looking at it now and thinking how did I miss that? Look closely over all the years, and all the other photos, and I think you'll discover that this one little foible has actually become your trademark. The real question is how do you feel about that?

Cancer - I know I've told this story before but it's still relevant. I once watched a group of actors backstage, moments prior to an opening in the Workman Theatre space, located in the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, on Queen West. They yodeled, muttered, screamed, ran, jumped and flapped their arms like wings, all in preparation for the show. The residents in the lobby were doing the same things but their performances are judged as aberrant behaviour. This week you may be an actor but you're looking like a resident.

Leo - Napoleon Bonaparte was one of the most brilliant military minds ever to lead an army. Now I don't spend a lot of time studying war craft and battles, but I do know that his campaign in Russia is generally considered to have been a disastrous exception to the rule and one that was completely avoidable. Why did he fail? Ignoring advisers and abandoning his armies to starvation and hypothermia are only part of it. The battle was not his alone and he forgot that. You shouldn't make the same mistake.

Virgo - Treasure hunting is such a tricky business. Suppose you have an accurate map showing exactly where the treasure lies. Suppose also that you possess all the tools needed to recover your treasure. Now, the tough part is being realistic about the process of recovering the booty. Forget Indiana Jones and Sydney Fox, the kind of stuff you're seeking is not on pristine display behind an ancient booby trap, it's more than likely in pieces beneath layers of dirt. Be prepared for some extended and painstaking digging.

Libra - I have things I can do for myself whenever my energies need recharging. Some of these are bubble baths, afternoon naps, and curling up with a good book. If I get a chance to do one I feel spoiled, all three is a trifecta of luxury. Yes I'm easy to please. You're even easier - you'd be happy watching paint dry in the right company. You may have to watch it dry on your own this week but you'll love the colour.

Scorpio - Excuse me while I kiss this guy, I am a rock, I am a nylon, I wanna be a dork, I see a rickshaw and I wanted painted black, I've reconsidered my Buddhist notions. They're all misheard song lyrics and you could probably produce a few more from this Krazy Karaoke bar that has become your life. Which is why you currently find yourself working in a coma, going down down town rather than in a coal mine. Check out other areas of you life and see if you can work backward to what the actual lyric is meant to be.

Sagittarius - You're driving along in your Rolls Royce convertible, over-sized Chanel shades, silk scarf fluttering over Armani clad shoulder, holding hands with your incredibly hot lover while singing along to the best music that the general public won't hear for another month. Suddenly, two large eagles swoop out of the blue, and, talons gently gripping your shoulders and lift you to their realm. Wow, things look really different from this high up don't they? And it's really, really quiet.

Capricorn - Spelunking is not for the faint of heart. The damp, the dark, the bats, the closed in spaces, not to mention the knowledge of being under the earth. it's considered an extreme sport and although not as flashy as it's opposite - rock climbing - it attracts a similar kind of adrenaline junkie, and requires a similar assortment of supplies and equipment. Is it worth it? do the rewards match the effort? As a caver, you are privileged to see a unique kind of beauty that only a very few can even imagine and fewer still will ever see.

Aquarius - You've got lots of friends to play with, because otherwise you'd have to invent solo dodge ball. It would probably involve a structure something like a squash court. The trickiest part would be getting the ball right - it would have to be bouncy, and big enough to be a challenge, and get some good rebounds going. Good thing that you grasp the value of opposites and oppositions, because the above mentioned friends are definitely throwing the ball.

Pisces - The Law of Unintended Consequences says that each human action has at least one unforeseen effect. Murphy's Law says that anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Okay so they're not actually legislated, but you still might want to consider becoming an outlaw for a while. Try as you might, there's no way for you to see the outcome of any intention good or bad that you may have in the coming days. Get the people you deal with to sign release forms.