JBlogoscopes Week of July 9th to July 16th, 2007

Aries - There was a torrential rain at one point this morning - drops coming down so thick and fast I could barely see into my neighbour's bedroom window. One of those tiny white moths was flying through it and apparently making headway. When your life story is written in days and weeks you don't let a little water slow you down. Now I'm picturing you sitting there in beautiful white clothes, holding that perfect flower and just waiting. And even though you're a half hour early you are still convinced that you've been stood up. So why are you still sitting there?

Taurus - I was reading today about this woman in the states who has successfully pulled off four bank robberies all while talking on her cell phone. Never talks to the teller, just hands over a note, takes the money and leaves, while apparently continuing her phone conversation. This is crazy, ballsy and rude all at the same time. If you're planning a bank heist in the near future you'll have enough to do evading security, checking escape routes and ensuring the money is not tagged or sequentially numbered to be multi-tasking. Eye on the prize Taurus, eye on the prize.

Gemini - I've often heard people say that good things come in small packages: usually the kind of people who are tall for their age, get cars for their birthdays and are - in reality - proponents of the bigger is better theory of life. Condescending tw*ts! Tell them to stand up straight, stop talking down to you and hand over the keys. It's good to be challenged to stretch and to grow but you're never going to get a chance if everybody is always bending over backwards to lower your horizons. If you want what they've got you'll get it and if not then they are obviously mutant freaks who can be ignored.

Cancer - Toward the end of the 1970's it became popular for the so-called intellectuals, the credible and the cultured to poo poo the clothes, the music and the attitude of the disco culture. Mostly these snobs were barefoot, shaggy ex-hippies trying to gain tenure in some AR university post. But after all, what did they expect? They gave an entire generation access to an exotic new pharmacopoeia and then started shouting at them. When you can't hear anything over the music, and you can't lip read by strobe light then you might as well give in and dance.

Leo - It's good to be a team player. It is arguably better to be the captain of the team, but right now that only applies if you are a mentor who is loved not a taskmaster who is feared. Because I'm telling you that only true affection will continue to cover your ass while you gaze off into space. Building castles in the sky is one thing, but lingering to over see the painting and decor is something only your most devoted sycophants will tolerate. You're covered for the moment but if you're still wearing the thousand mile stare come 5 o'clock, someone is bound to notice.

Virgo - It's a sad comment on the entertainment industry but lately it feels like they're just calling it in. Some one's seven year old has been running the studios since last year's 'Bring Your Kid to Work Day' and even he/she is starting to get a little stale. Certainly accounts for the popularity of toilet humour doesn't it? Most scripts telegraph the plot so we always know who lives/dies, stays/goes, wins/loses. And no matter what the choices, they're always black and white. It may not bear much resemblance to reality, but still...don't look under the bed.

Libra - Well there's no denying that you can't get out now. The way it looks from here is that you dove in with your eyes clamped shut, holding your nose. Not a belly flop, but a cannonball - not even a body of water really, and yet you've still managed to splash a few by-standers. Not to worry, those people won't be there when you surface. You haven't really gotten 'in' to something so much as you are passing through it. So stop struggling to figure out which way is up - relax and sink down. Sooner than you think, you will come out safely on the other side.

Scorpio - So Lord Byron is supposed to have been this really hot, handsome, passionate, brooding, womanizer who seduced all the ladies and maybe a few of the men. His poetry, the vicissitudes of his relationships, his financial difficulties and his early death have all made his name synonymous with tragic and romantic. Maybe it's just me but I think the guy was a self absorbed moocher. Cynical? Maybe, but I think it's a good idea to stand back a bit when we look at somebody this big. Get perspective. Anyway how's your life?

Sagittarius - I spend a ridiculous amount of time on line - for a reason. Oh yea, I am randomly looking at stuff but I do have a purpose; and I think I may have discovered Internetomancy - the art of predicting the future based on websites. For instance, today I was feeling a little overwhelmed by all of the information I've managed to collect on travelling. I'm wondering if any of it will actually be helpful to me, and if I should continue to look for more. And then the Internet gave me my answer. Some times too much is too much and you just have to stop.

Capricorn - Are turtles happy? Probably the only way you'll ever know is to become very close friends with one and ask it. You can't read any expression on their little faces and if you Google them you get pop lyrics and cartoons. Turtles move through life at their own pace: equally at home on land and in the water, they may guard their eggs but they abandon the hatchlings. Even those little red-eared pet things can live to be 40. So no kids, no mortgage, no stress - you don't need to ask any one - turtles are happy!

Aquarius - I've already told some of you about my experience last week working with clay on the wheel for the first time. It was fun and messy and grounding and in the end I have two bowls and one hand built platter which I will glaze this week. I'm not sure but I think that's a two stage process. Basically I've gotten myself involved in an intricate creative process that results in me owning my own hand made pottery - me, the one who plans to start living out of a suitcase. This is where creativity and reality meet - try to make it as smooth as possible.

Pisces - This week's episode is brought to you by the letter U: umiak, u-turn, umbilical cord, umbrella, undecided, unsettled, ulcer and unhinged. If you could only have one letter, U would be a good one to have. You could turn it upside down and sit on it, hold it over your head if it rained, store stuff in it, cook in it, or drink out of it. This week is going to be a little unplugged so I'd suggest that U find new ways to use your favourite letter.