Blogoscopes Week of March 9 to 16, 2009

Aries - There's nothing like a little time travel to broaden the mind although why you've chosen to revisit the 60's is anyone's guess. Oh sure you want to do something meaningful with your life, you want to save the world, we all get that, but you would be well advised to find a different vernacular and stop talking like a doped out reject from Haight-Ashbury.

Taurus - You overhear a thoughtless and cruel remark this week and instantly leap to confound and belittle the speaker in a dazzling display of rhetoric amd moral superiority. You've misconstrued the use of the word huge and mistakenly taken it personally but as luck would have it you realize this just as the elevator doors close. With luck anyone who witnessed it will just think you're crazy.

Gemini - You've tried to leave this movie theatre several times now and each time you stand up someone shouts you back into your seat. For heaven's sake they're only watching the trailers, what in the world would you be spoiling for them if you walked out now? Nothing. If you want to leave, then leave. But, if their good will means anything to you then just relax and wait it out.

Cancer - Are people stranger in the summer than they are in the winter? Not likely, but in the winter they're crazy at home where they won't bother anyone. Once the weather warms up they all come out of doors and act weird in front of the whole world. Perfect tine to test-drive your new attitude. If it doesn't workout right away, no one will notice amidst the chaos. Dementia could be the new black.

Leo - Did you ever hear the joke about the guy who dreamed he was eating a giant marshmallow and woke up to find his pillow was gone? Pay attention and keep this in mind as you fall asleep because you've recently developed a love for soft sweet things and if you were to have a similar dream you might wake up to discover your pillow, your duvet and your entire mattress have been eaten.

Virgo - You should consider moving all of your furniture to the centre of each room in your house. Shift it all - bookcases away from the walls, sofas in a heap, store some of it the basement or garage if you can but clear a pathway for yourself to be able to freely wander about your home waving your hands inthe air and shouting. No nothing is wrong, it will just feel really good to do this.

Libra - If you were the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland, you would never arrive anywhere on time. This would have absolutely nothing to do with your conscientousnous, your organizational skills or your memory. It would have more to do with the fact that every time you hear yourself singing "I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date...." you have to stop to try and remember the rest of the lyric.

Scorpio - All that you need to know this week is that you should watch "Life of Brian". Not the whole thing, just the last bit really. The crucifixion scene with everyone singing "Always Look On The Bright Side of Life". Watch it over and over and over. Dance to it. Do this everytime you feel the need to examine your life in depth. Believe me, it can wait.

Sagittarius - You have crossed the burning desert, you have swum the widest river, you have climbed to the top of the tallest mountain and you have seen your guru. He asked you if you wanted to smoke some sort of pipe and you wisely decided that you wouldn't so you left and came back home where you quietly went about doing the day to day things that have actual value and meaning.

Capricorn - Your relationship with paper is about to vastly improve. It's possible that you didn't realize how bad things have gotten, but paper has begun to feel that the two of you have a problematic, even antagonistic connection. Paper is prepared to take the first step on the road to conciliation, but you have to meet it half way. This week don't talk, write everything you want to say. Everything!

Aquarius - You have a job to be done this week and you need everyone to cooperate with you. Which they won't do if you don't take a moment to stop and explain to them what it is you're hoping to accomplish and how you would like them to help. None of them can read your mind and with your mouth full of chocolate cake they can barely understand a word you say.

Pisces - You bought the world's biggest pair of invisible headphones and they are doing an incredible job of blocking out all the annoying sounds from the world around you. Which is of course making it easy for you to ignore all the moaning and whining but means that you're missing a genuine request from a sane person who really needs your help.