Aries - When you watch this video, do you feel like all The Pussycat Dolls are breaking up with you or just Nicole? I myself feel that it would be better to have all five of them breaking up with you because it's less personal somehow. So don't worry about it: it's not you, it's them. Just walk away! If I were your agent, I'd recommend a spiritual retreat for a couple of weeks. Who loves ya baby?
Taurus - There is something vaguely ridiculous to me about old rock and roll acts who tour playing their old hits note for note. Or those "Somebody Famous - and Friends" compilation things. If it's really just because they enjoy being together why do they have to sell it. It's like it's their hobby now, not their passion, and hobbies are for basements. Passion, on the other hand deserves the spotlight so grab some now! The only way to mess it up is by trying to be someone you used to be.
Gemini - I'm not sure if you're familiar with KC & The Sunshine Band, but KC is the geeky white guy in the cape who was responsible for the music that inspired a lot of tawdry sex in the 70's. It may have been a dark era musically, but I dare you to find anything more danceable than That's The Way (uh huh uh huh) I Like It (uh huh uh huh). Similarly, this week many people will be surprised to discover that you are the geeky white guy in the cape, and the music you're making will lead to explosions of creative lust and lusty creation.
Cancer - Normally under these influences I'd be playing you some deep dirge from The Boss about how you're stuck living in your golden days of yore, but honestly these days I can barely distinguish Springsteen from Melissa Etheridge - musically I mean. Thankfully you seem intent on boldly going beyond what anyone expected of you in the past. Not only are you happily looking ahead to the best years of your life, but you've completely avoided melodic androgyny.
Leo - Someone you don't know too well has dragged you to a concert by an artist you've never wanted to see. Your seats are in the nosebleeds, and your date/guide left 45 minutes ago for the toilets and hasn't been seen since. Tough call here - do you want to make friends with the people sitting near you and maybe bob your head in time to the music or do you want to stare blankly into the distance and pretend that all of this is on purpose?
Virgo - Your parents have been much more relaxed since they discovered that the Valentine Dance is chaperoned. Of course that's because they think you're actually going to the dance. You, on the other hand have much bigger plans. There's a whole grown up world of fun waiting out there for you and gosh golly, you're going to embrace it.Just be aware that your is an android and that there's a satellite with your name on it watching every move you make.
Libra - Here you are at the back of the line, behind exact-change-woman, price-check-family and the more-than-8-items-guy. There is no need whatsoever to beat yourself up about your choice of cashier lane - it was going to be exactly like this no matter what you did. You can take control of the situation set down your groceries and walk out, or you can flirt with the person ahead of you. Go on - say something nice about their produce.
Scorpio - It feels as though you may be waking up in an alley with your pants around your ankles. While I can't vouch for the whereabouts of your under garments, I can assure you that your person is quite safe no matter where you are. Try thinking of this portion of your life as an adventure holiday. Maybe you can build the natives a hut or something: just don't flash a lot of cash and I think you'll find that this phase - and it is a phase - can introduce you to a whole new social sphere.
Sagittarius - I have no clue where this energy you're feeling is coming from, but I know what you should do with it.Like a lit candle in a fireworks factory, you are poised to light things up in a big way. Oh sure, you'll be burning a few bridges, but at the same time you can roast a lot of marshmallows, so good result. The messiest part of any conflagration is the soggy aftermath - keep the flames going as long as you can.
Capricorn - Over the course of a life time it is often a good idea to take some time and re-evaluate the current status of all your relationships. Face facts - there are a lot of people in your world whose sole purpose seems to be to get in your way and that is not just rude, it's unbelievably annoying. It's possible that they are trying to get your attention. Ignore them. Watch where you're walking and let the rest of them hustle to catch up.
Aquarius - Your life has been invaded by gangsters intent on holing up at your place for a shoot out with the forces of law and order. Why you? Why not? This is not personal and has nothing to do with you or your value as a human being. It's just one of those things. It's also a chance to take a stand. Uphold authority and refuse all succor to the invaders; succumb to Stockhom syndrome and join the scofflaws or hide in the basement and wait for it all to end.
Pisces - Opening night and you've pulled a muscle. Can't go on, doctor's orders. When the papers come out tomorrow morning, your understudy will be the talk of the town. Should it have been you? You've worked hard to get here, why should you be sidelined and have to watch some nobody get all the glory? Oh stop whining: you were only doing it because you didn't know how to stop. Now you do. Be gracious about it and you can still get some good press.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Blogoscopes Week of January 26 to February 2, 2009
Aries - This week as you rediscover the cathartic joys of singing in the shower while you wash that man-woman-weigh-scale-bank manager right out of your hair you suddenly feel as though you're being watched. A quick peep will verify that yes you do have an audience and yes they are enjoying themselves. That's just swell but remember, when you hit the big time and they're all claiming they "discovered" you, let them take all kinds of credit but keep their hands off of your royalties!
Taurus - You are experiencing every teacher's dream. Surrounded by a sea of bright, eager faces, you find yourself in command of an audience who are here to learn - from you! Look how they adore, respect and even idolize you. Exciting as it is to have an audience, try to keep in mind that they're not all as bright as they look and some of them will have a very hard time keeping up. Be patient, be kind, and be aware that when you're writing on the blackboard some of them are throwing spitballs at your head.
Gemini - Have you ever seen two people together - in business, romance or just plain cahoots - and wondered "how did that happen?" I'll tell you how. One of those two was once where you are now - feeling kind, generous and contented with their lot in life. That went on for just a tad too long. Person number 2 shows up and kind, generous, contented person (tired of being kind, generous and contented but all alone) gives far too much to person number 2. You're #1! Remember that.
Cancer - This week you flash back to when you were 6 and having trouble in school. The teacher came to see to your mom and dad and you had to stay in the room and listen to them talk about you although no one was talking to you and you certainly weren't allowed to have any say. So you sat in a corner and worked on a jigsaw puzzle until your little brother came and knocked it over. You jumped up shouting and then found all the grown ups giving you that look. Relax, it's only for a week.
Leo - So things weren't challenging enough in your life and you felt strongly that learning another language would fill that hole and bring a new dimension of wonderfulness to your life. Now it's the night before the final, you barely attended classes, you borrowed notes from someone who speaks neither the language you're studying nor English. Don't panic; it's astonishing how much you can learn just by sitting a classroom. The knowledge is deep in your psyche:stop thinking, just answer.
Virgo - You're beginning to feel as though you've walked into a room full of sulky little brats who are all whining and pouting about something or other and how things just aren't fair. How tempting would it be to join them eh? Just sit down on your very own time out stool, cross your arms stick out your lower lip and make "don't want to" your standard response to any and all communications. Or you could start off a game of dodge ball; let everyone get it out of their system.
Libra - You're having dinner at a great restaurant with a bunch of your closest friends and when the meals start to arrive yours is wrong. You're a meat lover and they brought lobster or your veggie loving self just got presented with the filet Mignon. Any way you slice and dice it a mistake has been made. Don't panic! Whatever it is you are not allergic! Let's not worry about whose fault it is - did you mumble or the waiter forget - let's just get it corrected: quietly.
Scorpio - If I said that you had super powers would you believe me? Normally no, but now if I made that claim you'd be cape shopping before I could stop you. Which is not to say that you're not super because you are, but your superness doesn't involve powers of flight, psychic abilities or apparently, persuasion. Hey, not our fault. We don't believe that you're faster than a speeding bullet because you don't believe it. Give it a little love - you look good in tights.
Sagittarius - Today might be the day you look around and realize you want a side split ranch on ten acres in the Muskoka's. Or you might simply decide that you want to paint the bathroom red. You're itching for change but you're not sure what needs to be different. Can I recommend starting at the paint store & working up to real estate. Changes don't always have to be big to feel big and if you discover that you really want it you can paint the bathroom red in the side split.
Capricorn - There's a new comedy on CBC called Being Erica and apparently it's a prettier version your life this week. I haven't seen it, but from what I overheard on the streetcar it involves going back in time to relive your life altering events, which (fingers-crossed) has a positive effect on the life you have now. You have no control over the timing of these time trips and no way to avoid them: which is fine because you're about to discover you have nothing to regret.
Aquarius - For a sadly brief moment in time this week, the lights are going to go out where you are. Power surge, practical joke or the end of the world, you'll find yourself, along with several others, standing in the stunned silence that follows the arrival of total darkness and that mass sudden intake of breath. Quick, while no one can see, rearrange all of the furnishings. If you're fast you won't get caught and you will have the satisfaction of turning at least part of the world on its head.
Pisces - Apparently there are things done in the name of love which are not positive and do not have the loving results intended. If this were not true our legal system would be way less busy. You are guilty of the crime of loving too much and when your amor discovers what you've been hiding for amor's "own good" you might not be feeling the love. If you can't bring yourself to confess what you've done in words, try explaining your motivations through interpretive dance.
Taurus - You are experiencing every teacher's dream. Surrounded by a sea of bright, eager faces, you find yourself in command of an audience who are here to learn - from you! Look how they adore, respect and even idolize you. Exciting as it is to have an audience, try to keep in mind that they're not all as bright as they look and some of them will have a very hard time keeping up. Be patient, be kind, and be aware that when you're writing on the blackboard some of them are throwing spitballs at your head.
Gemini - Have you ever seen two people together - in business, romance or just plain cahoots - and wondered "how did that happen?" I'll tell you how. One of those two was once where you are now - feeling kind, generous and contented with their lot in life. That went on for just a tad too long. Person number 2 shows up and kind, generous, contented person (tired of being kind, generous and contented but all alone) gives far too much to person number 2. You're #1! Remember that.
Cancer - This week you flash back to when you were 6 and having trouble in school. The teacher came to see to your mom and dad and you had to stay in the room and listen to them talk about you although no one was talking to you and you certainly weren't allowed to have any say. So you sat in a corner and worked on a jigsaw puzzle until your little brother came and knocked it over. You jumped up shouting and then found all the grown ups giving you that look. Relax, it's only for a week.
Leo - So things weren't challenging enough in your life and you felt strongly that learning another language would fill that hole and bring a new dimension of wonderfulness to your life. Now it's the night before the final, you barely attended classes, you borrowed notes from someone who speaks neither the language you're studying nor English. Don't panic; it's astonishing how much you can learn just by sitting a classroom. The knowledge is deep in your psyche:stop thinking, just answer.
Virgo - You're beginning to feel as though you've walked into a room full of sulky little brats who are all whining and pouting about something or other and how things just aren't fair. How tempting would it be to join them eh? Just sit down on your very own time out stool, cross your arms stick out your lower lip and make "don't want to" your standard response to any and all communications. Or you could start off a game of dodge ball; let everyone get it out of their system.
Libra - You're having dinner at a great restaurant with a bunch of your closest friends and when the meals start to arrive yours is wrong. You're a meat lover and they brought lobster or your veggie loving self just got presented with the filet Mignon. Any way you slice and dice it a mistake has been made. Don't panic! Whatever it is you are not allergic! Let's not worry about whose fault it is - did you mumble or the waiter forget - let's just get it corrected: quietly.
Scorpio - If I said that you had super powers would you believe me? Normally no, but now if I made that claim you'd be cape shopping before I could stop you. Which is not to say that you're not super because you are, but your superness doesn't involve powers of flight, psychic abilities or apparently, persuasion. Hey, not our fault. We don't believe that you're faster than a speeding bullet because you don't believe it. Give it a little love - you look good in tights.
Sagittarius - Today might be the day you look around and realize you want a side split ranch on ten acres in the Muskoka's. Or you might simply decide that you want to paint the bathroom red. You're itching for change but you're not sure what needs to be different. Can I recommend starting at the paint store & working up to real estate. Changes don't always have to be big to feel big and if you discover that you really want it you can paint the bathroom red in the side split.
Capricorn - There's a new comedy on CBC called Being Erica and apparently it's a prettier version your life this week. I haven't seen it, but from what I overheard on the streetcar it involves going back in time to relive your life altering events, which (fingers-crossed) has a positive effect on the life you have now. You have no control over the timing of these time trips and no way to avoid them: which is fine because you're about to discover you have nothing to regret.
Aquarius - For a sadly brief moment in time this week, the lights are going to go out where you are. Power surge, practical joke or the end of the world, you'll find yourself, along with several others, standing in the stunned silence that follows the arrival of total darkness and that mass sudden intake of breath. Quick, while no one can see, rearrange all of the furnishings. If you're fast you won't get caught and you will have the satisfaction of turning at least part of the world on its head.
Pisces - Apparently there are things done in the name of love which are not positive and do not have the loving results intended. If this were not true our legal system would be way less busy. You are guilty of the crime of loving too much and when your amor discovers what you've been hiding for amor's "own good" you might not be feeling the love. If you can't bring yourself to confess what you've done in words, try explaining your motivations through interpretive dance.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Blogoscopes Week of January 19 to 26, 2009
Aries - You feel great and everything is running very smoothly right now. No it's not. Yes it is. No it's not. Yes it...arrrrgh. Okay it should be running smoothly because you've got tons of energy and you're in a great frame of mind, but when you're at work all you can think about is home and when you're at home all you can think about is work. This is the sort of vibe that makes puppies chase their tails. Sometimes the only thing to do is run in circles really fast until you get dizzy and fall down.
Taurus - This would be a good week to find a new place to drop in for your latte in the morning, your chef's salad at lunch or your cocktail after work. It's one thing to feel a sense of community with the barrista who foams your milk, the counter help who remembers your extra olives or the barkeep who pours your pint; it's when they start to feel like family that you need to step back. Spend a week in similar environments with people who are strangers and watch what that does to your outlook.
Gemini - Being a Gemini means never being alone. You always have your twin, like a reflection in a mirror to talk things over with. It is vital that you remember that not everybody lives in that mirror. Many of us didn't hear the first half of the conversation you're having with yourself. We don't know these people you're talking about and this is the first we've learned about your sex change. The other way we differ from your mirror is that we don't always tell you what you want to hear.
Cancer - Being paranoid does not mean that there are not people following you. However, just because somebody is walking behind you, it doesn't necessarily mean they are following you. It is possible that they're just going your way. Relax, act natural and stop glaring at everybody over your shoulder. Constantly looking backward means you're not watching where you're headed. And if you get yourself lost you will be glad there's someone around who appears to know where you're going.
Leo - Who can turn the world on with {their} smile? Ah come on you know it's you. You woke up in a very good mood this morning and that will probably last for quite a while so don't be surprised if you find perfect strangers, smiling and waving or calling out greetings. You're a regular little Mary Tyler Moore, ready to take the world by storm gosh darn it and isn't everything just super? Do yourself a favour and save the singing and dancing numbers for home not public.
Virgo - There is a disruption in the space time continuum this week and thing unfold in a very different manner depending on whether you were born in August or September. August Virgos have the gift of gab and despite a Mercury retrograde you could sell handbags to amputees. Should a September Virgo try the same thing, they are most likely to get arrested for purse snatching. All of you are talking from the heart, but not every one can hear that. Judge your words accordingly.
Libra - For someone who craves tranquility, you spend an awful lot of time storm chasing. You're dancing with a funnel cloud and thinking you're immune to getting carried away. Would you recognize your danger if I put it another way? You're close to getting sucked up! We both know there's a place in the centre of all this that contains the peace you seek, but right now you don't have what it takes to make it through the wall of wind to get there. Blanket! Couch ! Now!
Scorpio - It's a common human failing, when confronted by an individual who - for whatever reason - is unable to understand what we are saying, instead of changing our words or even our language, we just talk louder. So, in the days ahead if you discover that a larger than usual number of people are running away from you, it likely has nothing to do with the quality of your ideas, it's just the volume at which you are expressing them. Softly, softly catchy monkey.
Sagittarius - I always laud Sagittarius as the truth tellers and the danger right now is that you'll tell someone that yes their butt does look fat in those pants, even before the question is posed. Fortunately you are just as likely to shrug and change your mind if this appears to upset anyone. In order to have a great week you should answer all questions honestly but with greater tact than you might normally exhibit. If you can't be kind when you speak, at least don't speak until you're asked.
Capricorn - Don't talk to Sagittarius this week. You're premiering a new you these days. There have been a lot of changes under the hood and now you're test driving things to see if your performance has increased. You don't look any different, but something inside has altered. People may not remark on it right away but they will catch on to the new you. So stop asking everyone if they've noticed anything different; just quietly go about your business in your new way and wait for the applause.
Aquarius - This is one of those times when you look around you and say to yourself "oh my, how did this happen? what could I have done differently and how can I avoid a future repeat of this incident?" All very good questions and the answers are something that only you will be able to find. For one thing, no one else will even have realized that anything has happened, and any attempt to get their opinions or (heaven forbid) assistance, will end in disaster. This is a DIY project and you're best off working alone until you figure it out.
Pisces - You are the exact opposite of The Creature from the Black Lagoon. Not only do you not have gills, webbed feet and green scaly skin, but leaving your sub-aqueous lair in search of your heart's desire will be a good thing that will in no way result in your being captured by ruthless scientists who restrain you until you are forced to kill them in order to escape. So, to recap, yes you'd rather stay indoors but you won't catch any fish that way.
Taurus - This would be a good week to find a new place to drop in for your latte in the morning, your chef's salad at lunch or your cocktail after work. It's one thing to feel a sense of community with the barrista who foams your milk, the counter help who remembers your extra olives or the barkeep who pours your pint; it's when they start to feel like family that you need to step back. Spend a week in similar environments with people who are strangers and watch what that does to your outlook.
Gemini - Being a Gemini means never being alone. You always have your twin, like a reflection in a mirror to talk things over with. It is vital that you remember that not everybody lives in that mirror. Many of us didn't hear the first half of the conversation you're having with yourself. We don't know these people you're talking about and this is the first we've learned about your sex change. The other way we differ from your mirror is that we don't always tell you what you want to hear.
Cancer - Being paranoid does not mean that there are not people following you. However, just because somebody is walking behind you, it doesn't necessarily mean they are following you. It is possible that they're just going your way. Relax, act natural and stop glaring at everybody over your shoulder. Constantly looking backward means you're not watching where you're headed. And if you get yourself lost you will be glad there's someone around who appears to know where you're going.
Leo - Who can turn the world on with {their} smile? Ah come on you know it's you. You woke up in a very good mood this morning and that will probably last for quite a while so don't be surprised if you find perfect strangers, smiling and waving or calling out greetings. You're a regular little Mary Tyler Moore, ready to take the world by storm gosh darn it and isn't everything just super? Do yourself a favour and save the singing and dancing numbers for home not public.
Virgo - There is a disruption in the space time continuum this week and thing unfold in a very different manner depending on whether you were born in August or September. August Virgos have the gift of gab and despite a Mercury retrograde you could sell handbags to amputees. Should a September Virgo try the same thing, they are most likely to get arrested for purse snatching. All of you are talking from the heart, but not every one can hear that. Judge your words accordingly.
Libra - For someone who craves tranquility, you spend an awful lot of time storm chasing. You're dancing with a funnel cloud and thinking you're immune to getting carried away. Would you recognize your danger if I put it another way? You're close to getting sucked up! We both know there's a place in the centre of all this that contains the peace you seek, but right now you don't have what it takes to make it through the wall of wind to get there. Blanket! Couch ! Now!
Scorpio - It's a common human failing, when confronted by an individual who - for whatever reason - is unable to understand what we are saying, instead of changing our words or even our language, we just talk louder. So, in the days ahead if you discover that a larger than usual number of people are running away from you, it likely has nothing to do with the quality of your ideas, it's just the volume at which you are expressing them. Softly, softly catchy monkey.
Sagittarius - I always laud Sagittarius as the truth tellers and the danger right now is that you'll tell someone that yes their butt does look fat in those pants, even before the question is posed. Fortunately you are just as likely to shrug and change your mind if this appears to upset anyone. In order to have a great week you should answer all questions honestly but with greater tact than you might normally exhibit. If you can't be kind when you speak, at least don't speak until you're asked.
Capricorn - Don't talk to Sagittarius this week. You're premiering a new you these days. There have been a lot of changes under the hood and now you're test driving things to see if your performance has increased. You don't look any different, but something inside has altered. People may not remark on it right away but they will catch on to the new you. So stop asking everyone if they've noticed anything different; just quietly go about your business in your new way and wait for the applause.
Aquarius - This is one of those times when you look around you and say to yourself "oh my, how did this happen? what could I have done differently and how can I avoid a future repeat of this incident?" All very good questions and the answers are something that only you will be able to find. For one thing, no one else will even have realized that anything has happened, and any attempt to get their opinions or (heaven forbid) assistance, will end in disaster. This is a DIY project and you're best off working alone until you figure it out.
Pisces - You are the exact opposite of The Creature from the Black Lagoon. Not only do you not have gills, webbed feet and green scaly skin, but leaving your sub-aqueous lair in search of your heart's desire will be a good thing that will in no way result in your being captured by ruthless scientists who restrain you until you are forced to kill them in order to escape. So, to recap, yes you'd rather stay indoors but you won't catch any fish that way.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Blogoscope Week of January 12 to 19, 2009
Aries - The bane of my existence is the downtown, underground Path at lunch time. It is crowded, chaotic and loud, with all the charm of a flaming ant hill. When forced to venture into the depths I obey a few simple rules and I think you will find them helpful this week - know where you're heading and why; wear sensible shoes; and move against the crowd not with it. Wherever it is that everybody else is headed, you do not want to go there.
Taurus - Okay, so you wake up one morning and you can't remember who you are. Don't panic, and don't let on to any one. Carry a book and if somebody asks you a question pretend to be too engrossed in reading to respond. Be deep - insist on giving enormous amounts of thought to everything. Wear an air of constant distraction and if all else fails feign illness and go back to bed. Oh, and in case you were wondering this would not be the time to accept a marriage proposal.
Gemini - It is the season for the Annual General Meeting of the Gemini fan club and you are polishing your gavel in anticipation of calling everyone to order. There is much to be done and this is no time for shilly-shallying, dilly-dallying or fiddle faddling! You want every detail to be absolutely perfect: i's dotted, t's crossed, like in the word military. Maybe you want to ease up a bit. Other people can be right too. Cooperation has an i and a t! Whaddya say?
Cancer - Woohoo! Conga! You are the life and soul of the party and with the support of a kick-ass rhythm section you've got the whole place happily cavorting along in your wake.....and suddenly it's time to go back to work. You don't want to leave the party and they don't want you to go! What to do, what to do? Can you take them to work with you? No, well how about a lunch time samba session? Can everyone hang on until then?
Leo - I had a dream last night that you had become a professional mime. You were travelling the world attending all the biggest busking festivals and your speciality was the silent seduction. You were a superstar in whiteface and eyeliner, adored from here to Helsinki. You were so happy and yet so alone. Maybe because you can't phone long distance in mime? People are wondering where you are so hire a translator and make the call.
Virgo - It can be really hard to get good help, but if you're honest you don't really need help do you? You seem to have everything nicely under control all on your own. Neither do you need a fan club - distant adoration doesn't have the same sense of awed wonderment as the up close and personal. The entourage is overworked to the point of passe, ditto the protege. What do you say to the idea of an acolyte - or two? Could you be worshipped?
Libra - Some people are never happy. They are miserable and glowery no matter what. Others are just naturally effervescent. They bubble along happily through life taking it all in and enjoying every minute of it. And then there's you. Oh sure it's possible that you look eternally dour or endlessly stoked but that's just a cover to keep people off your back. On the inside you are just absolutely happy enough thank you very much.
Scorpio - MP3 players and their ilk are the perfect foil to the buzz kill that is public transit. You may be feeling a bit tetchy these days and need to separate yourself from the masses so turn it up and let the music get you into your own private groove. Do not be surprised, however, if you get carried away and suddenly surface to find yourself in a full on song and dance number with a crowd of your fellow commuters.
Sagittarius - Do you know the story of the Emperor's New Clothes? Not that you could be tricked into fake finery, nor would it disturb you to be walking naked down a busy street, but you may be under a misapprehension about the admiring glances. Sure, people are staring at you, but it's possible that they're not thinking about you. They maybe wondering if it's time to replace their home insulation.
Capricorn - This week the meter man drops by for his readings and finds you in a philosophical frame of mind. You talk him into accepting a cup of coffee and the two of you have a lengthy discussion about life, love and the nature of the universe. It's good for you to make new friends and it never hurts to have a radically different perspective on things. Just be sure he doesn't get the wrong impression.
Aquarius - You are about to take the term financial wizard through to it's logical conclusion and earn yourself a new position in the company by wearing a tall pointy hat with stars on it. Let the CEO get a look at your wand and you might find yourself standing behind the throne - an excellent position for seeing everybody and for making things happen. Smile and wave to your friends.
Pisces - I think it's great - nay, admirable that you have such a clear vision of where you're going and what you're doing. I can also understand how annoying it is that everyone seems so determined to get in your way. Have you ever stopped to consider that perhaps your path to success is cutting through their back yard and that you're traipsing grass clippings all over the place?
Taurus - Okay, so you wake up one morning and you can't remember who you are. Don't panic, and don't let on to any one. Carry a book and if somebody asks you a question pretend to be too engrossed in reading to respond. Be deep - insist on giving enormous amounts of thought to everything. Wear an air of constant distraction and if all else fails feign illness and go back to bed. Oh, and in case you were wondering this would not be the time to accept a marriage proposal.
Gemini - It is the season for the Annual General Meeting of the Gemini fan club and you are polishing your gavel in anticipation of calling everyone to order. There is much to be done and this is no time for shilly-shallying, dilly-dallying or fiddle faddling! You want every detail to be absolutely perfect: i's dotted, t's crossed, like in the word military. Maybe you want to ease up a bit. Other people can be right too. Cooperation has an i and a t! Whaddya say?
Cancer - Woohoo! Conga! You are the life and soul of the party and with the support of a kick-ass rhythm section you've got the whole place happily cavorting along in your wake.....and suddenly it's time to go back to work. You don't want to leave the party and they don't want you to go! What to do, what to do? Can you take them to work with you? No, well how about a lunch time samba session? Can everyone hang on until then?
Leo - I had a dream last night that you had become a professional mime. You were travelling the world attending all the biggest busking festivals and your speciality was the silent seduction. You were a superstar in whiteface and eyeliner, adored from here to Helsinki. You were so happy and yet so alone. Maybe because you can't phone long distance in mime? People are wondering where you are so hire a translator and make the call.
Virgo - It can be really hard to get good help, but if you're honest you don't really need help do you? You seem to have everything nicely under control all on your own. Neither do you need a fan club - distant adoration doesn't have the same sense of awed wonderment as the up close and personal. The entourage is overworked to the point of passe, ditto the protege. What do you say to the idea of an acolyte - or two? Could you be worshipped?
Libra - Some people are never happy. They are miserable and glowery no matter what. Others are just naturally effervescent. They bubble along happily through life taking it all in and enjoying every minute of it. And then there's you. Oh sure it's possible that you look eternally dour or endlessly stoked but that's just a cover to keep people off your back. On the inside you are just absolutely happy enough thank you very much.
Scorpio - MP3 players and their ilk are the perfect foil to the buzz kill that is public transit. You may be feeling a bit tetchy these days and need to separate yourself from the masses so turn it up and let the music get you into your own private groove. Do not be surprised, however, if you get carried away and suddenly surface to find yourself in a full on song and dance number with a crowd of your fellow commuters.
Sagittarius - Do you know the story of the Emperor's New Clothes? Not that you could be tricked into fake finery, nor would it disturb you to be walking naked down a busy street, but you may be under a misapprehension about the admiring glances. Sure, people are staring at you, but it's possible that they're not thinking about you. They maybe wondering if it's time to replace their home insulation.
Capricorn - This week the meter man drops by for his readings and finds you in a philosophical frame of mind. You talk him into accepting a cup of coffee and the two of you have a lengthy discussion about life, love and the nature of the universe. It's good for you to make new friends and it never hurts to have a radically different perspective on things. Just be sure he doesn't get the wrong impression.
Aquarius - You are about to take the term financial wizard through to it's logical conclusion and earn yourself a new position in the company by wearing a tall pointy hat with stars on it. Let the CEO get a look at your wand and you might find yourself standing behind the throne - an excellent position for seeing everybody and for making things happen. Smile and wave to your friends.
Pisces - I think it's great - nay, admirable that you have such a clear vision of where you're going and what you're doing. I can also understand how annoying it is that everyone seems so determined to get in your way. Have you ever stopped to consider that perhaps your path to success is cutting through their back yard and that you're traipsing grass clippings all over the place?
Saturday, January 03, 2009
Blogoscopes Week of January 5 to 12, 2009
Aries - I highly recommend that you start locking your bedroom door at night - oh and sleep alone. How long you need to do this depends on whether or not you're a morning person. The bellhop of life is coming to knock you up - as they say - and it's down to you whether he gets a kiss or a shiner.
Taurus - An out of body experience lets you go anywhere and see everything. You should use this one to stay where you are and watch your own life. Treat it like an experiment if you must, but focus on every single feeling you have. Forget consequences, think now and ask yourself why you make the choices you do.
Gemini - It's time to paint the kitchen. I know, the kitchen does not need re-painting, and yet it must be painted. You will have to do all that patching, sanding, taping and priming and a perfect job is expected of you. Sound boring? What if you painted stripes of orange green and purple? Would you like that?
Cancer - Those weren't really lies you told, they were stories, and a good narration has to go where the plot beckons. That being said, you didn't exactly start out with a disclaimer did you? How you get out of this depends on how many people believed you when you said you used to date Paris Hilton's maid. As if!
Leo - Yippee! 2009 is here! This is the year you say thanks for all the help and support you've been getting and throw a big celebration to honour your loved ones. Please do not make it a surprise party - you'll be the astonished one; and try to keep it simple. No more than three marching bands in the kitchen at one time.
Virgo - Whoa, somebody had too much sugar over the holidays. This zeal for action can lead to overdoing it on multiple levels all at the same time. Take care lest you pass out while jumping on the bed shouting obscenities while laughing maniacally. Use that energy to clean out your closets instead.
Libra - Now that you've ordered that pizza you should invite some people over to help you eat it. A large cheesy pie and a cold six-pack shared with friends sounds like a nice idea doesn't it? You don't want to have to eat and drink that all by yourself do you? Besides, they might help pay for it.
Scorpio - Gimme an S, gimme a C, gimme an...oh hell you get the picture. And so will everybody else if you put all of your energy into communicating it. A catchy rhyme and a good beat wouldn't hurt either. Just remember that you are a one person pep squad so don't be attempting any pyramids.
Sagittarius - If I said "second star to the right and straight on till morning" would you know what I meant? What if I sprinkled some fairy dust on you and said it again? Okay it's from Peter Pan and I'm telling you that in the days to come an open mind and a close friend can really make things take off!
Capricorn - Have you ever thought about attending clown school? Big shoes, loud pants, painted faces and crazy noise makers - sounds like fun doesn't it? Would you be happier if I reminded you that clowns can also say and do whatever they want with impunity. Here's your chance to tweak a nose or two.
Aquarius - You're standing there being cool and eccentric, letting people admire you, and you suddenly see something shiny and round roll to a stop at your feet. Is it a ball or a bomb? Is it for you or someone else? Do you want it or not? Better make up your mind before your back seizes up and you can't bend down to get it.
Pisces - The beautician gave you the wrong cream and instead of flawless skin, you are now sporting the pimple that ate New York. You can handle this in one of two ways: crawl into bed and avoid everyone until the redness and swelling subside or; grab your soap box and tell the world about the evils of cosmetics.
Taurus - An out of body experience lets you go anywhere and see everything. You should use this one to stay where you are and watch your own life. Treat it like an experiment if you must, but focus on every single feeling you have. Forget consequences, think now and ask yourself why you make the choices you do.
Gemini - It's time to paint the kitchen. I know, the kitchen does not need re-painting, and yet it must be painted. You will have to do all that patching, sanding, taping and priming and a perfect job is expected of you. Sound boring? What if you painted stripes of orange green and purple? Would you like that?
Cancer - Those weren't really lies you told, they were stories, and a good narration has to go where the plot beckons. That being said, you didn't exactly start out with a disclaimer did you? How you get out of this depends on how many people believed you when you said you used to date Paris Hilton's maid. As if!
Leo - Yippee! 2009 is here! This is the year you say thanks for all the help and support you've been getting and throw a big celebration to honour your loved ones. Please do not make it a surprise party - you'll be the astonished one; and try to keep it simple. No more than three marching bands in the kitchen at one time.
Virgo - Whoa, somebody had too much sugar over the holidays. This zeal for action can lead to overdoing it on multiple levels all at the same time. Take care lest you pass out while jumping on the bed shouting obscenities while laughing maniacally. Use that energy to clean out your closets instead.
Libra - Now that you've ordered that pizza you should invite some people over to help you eat it. A large cheesy pie and a cold six-pack shared with friends sounds like a nice idea doesn't it? You don't want to have to eat and drink that all by yourself do you? Besides, they might help pay for it.
Scorpio - Gimme an S, gimme a C, gimme an...oh hell you get the picture. And so will everybody else if you put all of your energy into communicating it. A catchy rhyme and a good beat wouldn't hurt either. Just remember that you are a one person pep squad so don't be attempting any pyramids.
Sagittarius - If I said "second star to the right and straight on till morning" would you know what I meant? What if I sprinkled some fairy dust on you and said it again? Okay it's from Peter Pan and I'm telling you that in the days to come an open mind and a close friend can really make things take off!
Capricorn - Have you ever thought about attending clown school? Big shoes, loud pants, painted faces and crazy noise makers - sounds like fun doesn't it? Would you be happier if I reminded you that clowns can also say and do whatever they want with impunity. Here's your chance to tweak a nose or two.
Aquarius - You're standing there being cool and eccentric, letting people admire you, and you suddenly see something shiny and round roll to a stop at your feet. Is it a ball or a bomb? Is it for you or someone else? Do you want it or not? Better make up your mind before your back seizes up and you can't bend down to get it.
Pisces - The beautician gave you the wrong cream and instead of flawless skin, you are now sporting the pimple that ate New York. You can handle this in one of two ways: crawl into bed and avoid everyone until the redness and swelling subside or; grab your soap box and tell the world about the evils of cosmetics.
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