Blogoscopes Week of February 2 to 9, 2009

Aries - When you watch this video, do you feel like all The Pussycat Dolls are breaking up with you or just Nicole? I myself feel that it would be better to have all five of them breaking up with you because it's less personal somehow. So don't worry about it: it's not you, it's them. Just walk away! If I were your agent, I'd recommend a spiritual retreat for a couple of weeks. Who loves ya baby?

Taurus - There is something vaguely ridiculous to me about old rock and roll acts who tour playing their old hits note for note. Or those "Somebody Famous - and Friends" compilation things. If it's really just because they enjoy being together why do they have to sell it. It's like it's their hobby now, not their passion, and hobbies are for basements. Passion, on the other hand deserves the spotlight so grab some now! The only way to mess it up is by trying to be someone you used to be.

Gemini - I'm not sure if you're familiar with KC & The Sunshine Band, but KC is the geeky white guy in the cape who was responsible for the music that inspired a lot of tawdry sex in the 70's. It may have been a dark era musically, but I dare you to find anything more danceable than That's The Way (uh huh uh huh) I Like It (uh huh uh huh). Similarly, this week many people will be surprised to discover that you are the geeky white guy in the cape, and the music you're making will lead to explosions of creative lust and lusty creation.

Cancer - Normally under these influences I'd be playing you some deep dirge from The Boss about how you're stuck living in your golden days of yore, but honestly these days I can barely distinguish Springsteen from Melissa Etheridge - musically I mean. Thankfully you seem intent on boldly going beyond what anyone expected of you in the past. Not only are you happily looking ahead to the best years of your life, but you've completely avoided melodic androgyny.

Leo - Someone you don't know too well has dragged you to a concert by an artist you've never wanted to see. Your seats are in the nosebleeds, and your date/guide left 45 minutes ago for the toilets and hasn't been seen since. Tough call here - do you want to make friends with the people sitting near you and maybe bob your head in time to the music or do you want to stare blankly into the distance and pretend that all of this is on purpose?

Virgo - Your parents have been much more relaxed since they discovered that the Valentine Dance is chaperoned. Of course that's because they think you're actually going to the dance. You, on the other hand have much bigger plans. There's a whole grown up world of fun waiting out there for you and gosh golly, you're going to embrace it.Just be aware that your is an android and that there's a satellite with your name on it watching every move you make.

Libra - Here you are at the back of the line, behind exact-change-woman, price-check-family and the more-than-8-items-guy. There is no need whatsoever to beat yourself up about your choice of cashier lane - it was going to be exactly like this no matter what you did. You can take control of the situation set down your groceries and walk out, or you can flirt with the person ahead of you. Go on - say something nice about their produce.

Scorpio - It feels as though you may be waking up in an alley with your pants around your ankles. While I can't vouch for the whereabouts of your under garments, I can assure you that your person is quite safe no matter where you are. Try thinking of this portion of your life as an adventure holiday. Maybe you can build the natives a hut or something: just don't flash a lot of cash and I think you'll find that this phase - and it is a phase - can introduce you to a whole new social sphere.

Sagittarius - I have no clue where this energy you're feeling is coming from, but I know what you should do with it.Like a lit candle in a fireworks factory, you are poised to light things up in a big way. Oh sure, you'll be burning a few bridges, but at the same time you can roast a lot of marshmallows, so good result. The messiest part of any conflagration is the soggy aftermath - keep the flames going as long as you can.

Capricorn - Over the course of a life time it is often a good idea to take some time and re-evaluate the current status of all your relationships. Face facts - there are a lot of people in your world whose sole purpose seems to be to get in your way and that is not just rude, it's unbelievably annoying. It's possible that they are trying to get your attention. Ignore them. Watch where you're walking and let the rest of them hustle to catch up.

Aquarius - Your life has been invaded by gangsters intent on holing up at your place for a shoot out with the forces of law and order. Why you? Why not? This is not personal and has nothing to do with you or your value as a human being. It's just one of those things. It's also a chance to take a stand. Uphold authority and refuse all succor to the invaders; succumb to Stockhom syndrome and join the scofflaws or hide in the basement and wait for it all to end.

Pisces - Opening night and you've pulled a muscle. Can't go on, doctor's orders. When the papers come out tomorrow morning, your understudy will be the talk of the town. Should it have been you? You've worked hard to get here, why should you be sidelined and have to watch some nobody get all the glory? Oh stop whining: you were only doing it because you didn't know how to stop. Now you do. Be gracious about it and you can still get some good press.