Blogoscopes Week of August 6th to August 13th, 2007

Aries - I think I may have made a major medical discovery this week. I'm going to apply for a grant to research my theory. I don't need laboratories or test tubes or assistants, I just need the wherewithal to conduct interviews with my study subjects - wherever they may live. What's the break-through you ask? It's the reverse of Munchausen's by Proxy and its sufferers dedicate their lives to alleviating pain and easing afflictions - for every one but them selves. I call it Withholdin-Hausen by Proxy. Now, we're not talking about the Mother Teresas of the world here, this is an ego thing. I'll need you to sign a waiver before we begin.

Taurus - I had the pleasure of opening a new tub of honey this morning. I know that I should be buying glass jars of comb-in, local honey produced by bees that have been hand-fed on orchids, but some days there's just nothing as nice as being the one who gets to eat those little nipples of creamed honey that are stuck to the lid when you lift it. Honey is the only food in the world that never goes bad, which means long stretches between purchases. For weeks you're lifting the seal on a sweet mess of toast crumbs and jam residue and then - joy - the pristine surface of a new tub. Stop right here and savour this moment.

Gemini - Dream interpretation time - Night; you're in a rounded glass elevator rising up the exterior of a skyscraper. The ground is far below and you can see the sparkling lights of the city for miles around. In fact you can see to the other side of the ocean, to the mountains on the distant horizon, through the clouds that descend to surround your capsule. You begin to wonder several things at once like where are you going? How tall is this building? Is glass really fragile? Suddenly the elevator car breaks free of its cables and begins to plummet toward earth. You choose - you can fly, you can fall, or you can wake up screaming. I'd choose fly.

Cancer - You're not the type to fall for a bunch of crazy cult stuff, but you wouldn't say no to a spot of intrigue - a la James Bond. James may be On Her Majesty's Secret Service, but his identity is never a secret. Bond, James Bond introduces himself to every bad guy - and bad girl - on the planet. They know who he is, he knows who they are and what follows is like a dance/fight between the forces of good and evil. Nor is it a secret that, in the end, James will prevail - defeating the forces of evil and getting the girl. Do you see where I'm going with this? your mission this week is to discover your own definition of 'undercover'.

Leo - Party at your place! They've been gathering for days and the celebrations so far have included face-painting, stand up comedy, fireworks and a parade. You've been fed and gifted lavishly and you've been hoisted onto shoulders and serenaded loudly. Enjoy it while you can. I'm not saying that it's over tomorrow, but sooner or later all good things must come to an end. In a while, the guests will start to head home, the band will pack up and the leftovers will get put away. But first, there's one thing remaining for you to do. Yes that's right, this is the part of the festivities where you make a teary speech thanking everyone.

Virgo - When I was a kid it was the summer weekdays that I loved, forget Saturdays and Sundays. Monday through Friday I could be anywhere I wanted with my friends, between the end of lunch and whenever the streetlights came on. It amazes me to think of it now, but there was a lot of exploring you could get done, fun you could have and trouble you could stir up between the hours of 1 and 8 on a Wednesday afternoon in August. Now, of course, it's the weekends I live for and Wednesdays are just Wednesdays. Why don't you negotiate some new curfews for yourself this week? Inspire me.

Libra - I'm proposing a new symbol for Libra - instead of the scales, you should consider adopting the pendulum. It will feel like you're a circus performer, and now, instead of walking the tightrope, you're a trapeze artist. To begin with you'll have to adjust to stomach heaves instead of foot cramps, and to be sure, swooping through and beyond a mid-point is not exactly your idea of staying balanced, but....once you get the swing of things you'll discover the freedom to be found in a fulcrum. The freedom to reach to extremes and always come safely back to centre. Plus don't forget, you're still working with a net.

Scorpio - You are always on, always performing, even when you're standing in the wings. Your life is a never ending show-stopper designed to seduce everyone around you - and when I say seduce I am not talking about sex. You collect people, and your crowd-pleasing personality is the honey you use to lull them into a trance-like state and then lure them into your specimen jars (insert evil laugh here) Much of what you've learned about your self you learned by seeing how others respond to you - like every great performer this is how you refine your craft. It'll be interesting to see what you discover during a week with a mirror for an audience.

Sagittarius - What do you do if you suspect that someone has had their hand in your cookie jar? By cookie jar, I mean piggy bank; and by piggy bank, I mean wherever you stash your sparkly stuff. Well before you start shouting stop thief you might want to rethink your suspicions. Your cup is overflowing just a little, and you would honestly be hard pressed to say you're sure something is missing. Plus the way things have been going lately, it's just as likely that you misplaced it as that someone took it. If you want to worry about something, worry about this raging paranoia you seem to be developing.

Capricorn - We're all afraid of laughing at funerals so it must be a pretty common occurrence. Makes sense really; a highly emotional situation, in a surreal setting (hello, dead body in the room), and a diverse group of people who (ideally) share your feelings; at least they are there for the same reasons that you are. But hang on a minute, is it possible that you're at the wrong event? Perhaps this isn't an occasion of mourning, just an oddly low key celebration of something - a marriage, graduation, promotion, birth - even funerals can be a celebration if you do them right. In that case, go ahead - giggle, guffaw, snort - let's get this party started.

Aquarius - Seems like forever since I last saw it, but one of the things I used to love on a warm summer evening was watching flocks of hot air balloons silhouetted against a purple skyline. Silent and shimmering, like enormous bubbles wafting by. Have you ever been up in a hot air balloon? Wispy, wafty, shiny - at that height, suspended from a balloon, in a basket? Not so silent either - those burners can be ear-splitting. Yes, there's no doubt that piloting one of these glowing beauties over an urban landscape can be nerve-wracking, but honestly, would you pass up the chance? I guess we'll find out soon enough.

Pisces - How cool would it be if every day when you left the house, instead of taking the transit or driving your car, or walking, you could hop onto a roller coaster that would take you exactly where you wanted to go - in a round about roller coasterish sort of way. You would arrive at work wind blown and wide-eyed; walk into rooms flushed and sparkling. That sort of non-stop exhilaration can lead to a sort of uber-alertness. Intense synesthesia ensues (say that three times fast) and you finally get a chance to hear the sound of purple and experience the flavour of the number 3.