Blogoscopes, Week of December 1 to 8, 2008

Aries - You might not feel like the most social creature this December. You're like a backwards bear stumbling out from hibernation just in time to watch everyone you know slip into dream land. Perfect timing; here is your opportunity to tell everybody just exactly what you think of them with no fear of being interrupted or contradicted. They're asleep, not dead: parts of what you say will sink in. You can't control which parts, so speak clearly, but speak carefully.

Taurus - In the immortal words of Harry Nilsson, everybody's talking at you, but you don't hear a word they're saying. Obviously they're not hearing you either. That's a shame. You have something important to tell them. My best advice is to stop talking. They won't buy what you're peddling until you understand why they think they don't want it. You can easily overcome any and all objections, but only if you know what they are. And if you don't shout.

Gemini - I can't say for certain, but I imagine that the floor of the Grand Canyon is not a terrific place for cell phone reception. I've never seen Mr. Can-you-hear-me-now down there have you? Which means that you're going to have to find some other means of conversing with those gawkers on the canyon rim. A go-between might be your best bet. Slow for sure but probably the only way you'll get your point across. Unless you can yodel in code.

Cancer - There are times when the only way to make people understand just how upset and frustrated you are is to thrash about on the ground, kicking and screaming and pummelling the earth with your fists. Then there are times when you should just slip away quietly with a close friend and confidante and tell them how you're feeling. Either one will have the desired result, I guess your choice depends on whether you can stand being called a big baby for the rest of your life.

Leo - You got so excited when your team won that you enthusiastically kissed a stranger at the end of play. And now you will never hear the end of it. Everybody is going on and on about what you did and how it made them feel and while you'd really like to help them feel better about it you don't know how. Do not under any circumstances try to talk yourself out of this. The problem is theirs not yours.
Put on your headphones and wait it out. They'll stop eventually.

Virgo - Check the fine print before you sign up for another one of these things will you? A dude ranch cattle drive may sound like fun at first, but you have to travel with the group and they don't always do things right. There is one way and one way only for you to turn this excursion into something that works for you, and that's to take over the leadership. Do your research, sell them on the highlights and be kind to everybody. You don't want anyone calling this a mutiny.

Libra - Everybody wants an answer these days and in most cases they are either unprepared or unable to supply a question in order to obtain that answer. To the rescue - Psychic Libra (imagine an echoey effect). Faster than a speeding Kreskin, able to make large problems disappear with a single word, Psychic Libra knows how to fix your problems before you even know you have them. Sound daunting? Not really, all you have to do is show up and look wise - the rest will take care of itself.

Scorpio - Be careful who you talk to. You can get so wrapped up in talking about your on going drama that you may find yourself - hypothetically speaking - telling an undercover narcotics officer about the difficulty you're having with your current drug dealer whose name is Blank and who lives at Blank Blank. See how that could be a problem? There is no doubt that you've got stuff to get off your chest, but try to be a little more circumspect about who you share with.

Sagittarius - Do you have a headache? Feel as though something has been repeatedly hitting you over the head for some time now? You're absolutely right - the thing, person, situation you've been seeking so avidly has been following around behind you for so long now that she/he/it has given up on words and resorted to crude gestures. Want the pain to stop? Turn around, look he/she/it straight in the eye and tell it/her/him exactly what you want. It's that easy.

Capricorn - If a bear was lying around on a Sunday afternoon, peacefully minding his own business and enjoying his free time, would anyone in their right mind walk up to him and poke him with a stick? Would anyone interrupt a tiger while it was eating dinner? No! I know you don't want a reputation as a vicious killing machine (not allthe time), but you should at least master a look that would wordlessly tell people that you want them to leave you alone. Until then hang a sign on your door.

Aquarius - One of our tribe took my advice last week and posted a secret - to me. I wondered, briefly, if I might have logged on and written it in my sleep. Aquarius is tapped in to the universal mind like a redneck syphoning gas - it's definitely not something you can admit to everyone. In the days ahead, the voices will become more numerous and much louder. Try not to make sense of it. Read that again. The sooner you stop listening the sooner you can hear.

Pisces - I think that elevators have been greatly underestimated as a therapeutic tool. Just a normal elevator, going about its daily business - up and down with people getting on and off alternating long periods of emptiness. You're not allowed out until you resolve things. What do you think would be the final straw? Would it be the constant motion, the enclosed space, the incessant interruptions, the bells? Or would it be that voice endlessly telling you exactly where you are?